{"id":468555,"date":"2026-02-11T18:36:09","date_gmt":"2026-02-11T18:36:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/468555\/"},"modified":"2026-02-11T18:36:09","modified_gmt":"2026-02-11T18:36:09","slug":"my-friend-said-he-put-me-in-his-will-now-hes-dead-and-i-dont-know-what-to-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/468555\/","title":{"rendered":"My friend said he put me in his will. Now he’s dead, and I don’t know what to do."},"content":{"rendered":"

Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here<\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

When my friend said he\u2019d written a will and put me in it, it was an awkward moment. I told him I didn\u2019t know what to say, so I thanked him and left it at that. We were both in our 60s and had no health problems that were about to kill us any time soon, but our parents had recently died, so end of life issues were on our minds. Plus everyone knows writing a will is the responsible thing to do. We\u2019d talked to lawyers. While I considered my friend a close one, we didn\u2019t have many friends in common. I knew he had a brother and sister. I knew his relationships with them weren\u2019t terribly close, though they weren\u2019t estranged. He had no children. His other family consisted of nieces and nephews.<\/p>\n

I just learned of his massive heart attack from one mutual friend.<\/p>\n

I knew he\u2019d recently broken up with a long time partner at the time of his death. Our mutual friend had been able to find contact information for the brother, who told him that everyone was still shocked, and he\u2019d be notified if they planned any sort of memorial. I know nothing of the details of the will, how much I was left in it, or who the executor is. Obviously this isn\u2019t the sort of thing where I want to email someone I\u2019ve never met and who is grieving the death of a brother to ask. How does this work? Do I get some sort of certified letter?<\/p>\n

\u2014Crass<\/p>\n

Dear Crass,<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re named in the will, you should be notified. When someone dies, their will usually goes through something called probate, which is a process where assets are settled. At this point, the executor of the will\u2014the person named to carry it out\u2014is required to notify all beneficiaries. This notification typically comes by regular mail, and it might be certified, depending on the state. The point is, you shouldn\u2019t have to track anyone down or awkwardly ask about it. In most cases, if you\u2019re in the will, you should find out soon enough.<\/p>\n

Like most legal processes, this could take a while, though. Even filing probate can take weeks. If your friend died recently, it\u2019s not surprising that you haven\u2019t heard anything yet. His family probably has a lot going on, and these kinds of things take time to process. I think your instincts are right. It might be a little soon to reach out to a grieving family.<\/p>\n

If several months go by and you still haven\u2019t heard anything, you can check the probate court in the county where your friend lived. Once wills are filed, they become public, and you should be able to search the county probate court\u2019s online records or call the clerk\u2019s office and ask whether an estate has been opened under your friend\u2019s name. This is easy enough to do and you won\u2019t have to bother anyone who might still be grieving.<\/p>\n

That said, there are some cases where estates don\u2019t go through a formal probate process. For example, if your friend designated a trust, the notification process might be a little different and the filing won\u2019t be public. In this case, if you\u2019ve waited long enough and haven\u2019t heard anything, your only reasonable option is to reach out to the family or maybe hire an attorney to inquire about it.<\/p>\n

But keep in mind, there might be a chance your friend never followed through on his promise. People often talk about their plans before they actually finalize them. If he never had his will revised, you might not be in it after all.<\/p>\n

The bottom line is, you don\u2019t need to do anything right now. Give it a little time. If you\u2019re named as a beneficiary and probate is required, you\u2019ll be notified. If months pass and you\u2019re still wondering, the probate court is the right place to start your search.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

I am proud of my Ph.D. and the work I do as a full-time humanities professor. For my work, I make under $60,000. I really struggle with talking about money with friends who make, minimally, twice what I do. I know, intellectually, that a six-figure salary is closer to precarity than to luxury. But when they are talking lugubriously about how \u201ctight\u201d money is and how \u201cevery little bit helps\u201d \u2026what do I even do with that? Their \u201cside hustle\u201d is more than my annual income! How are they not judging me for the fact that I order takeout sometimes? Should I be panicking harder about retirement? I max out my Roth IRA contributions every year, I have a CD and a savings account and a mortgage and a TIAA-CREF. But I also enjoy buying cocktails sometimes. Or even theater tickets. I feel like a grasshopper among the ants.<\/p>\n

\u2014Help<\/p>\n

Dear Help,<\/p>\n

Lifestyle inflation is real. Sometimes people with higher incomes still feel financially squeezed because they\u2019ve got larger expenses\u2014bigger mortgages, higher car payments, constant travel, home renovations, and so on. It probably doesn\u2019t feel extravagant to them when everyone around them has a similar lifestyle. In other words, their financial stress is real to them, but it doesn\u2019t say anything about your own financial choices.<\/p>\n


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I Made a Very Bad Hire at Work. Now I\u2019m Reaping the Consequences.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

People like to make judgments about others when it comes to money because, frankly, money is hard. It\u2019s easy to feel good about our own situation when we can criticize someone else\u2019s. So your friends might be judging you; they might not be judging you. Either way, I\u2019m of the mindset that what other people think of me is not my business. That perspective just makes it a lot easier to make sound decisions that speak to my own priorities.<\/p>\n

Financially speaking, it seems you\u2019re doing what you should be doing. There are plenty of online retirement calculators<\/a> that can tell you if you\u2019re on the right track, but they\u2019re not always realistic\u2014most of them assume you can save far more than most people comfortably can. But you\u2019re already maxing out your Roth IRA. You have savings, a CD, and a mortgage you\u2019re paying down. What\u2019s more, you\u2019re doing all of this while also enjoying your life in the present, which is something a lot of folks have a hard time managing. If you want to cut back, try a little lifestyle deflation. Cut back a certain percentage of your expenses, let\u2019s say ten percent, and boost your retirement with that savings. See how it feels.<\/p>\n

It could be that you\u2019re the ant\u2014the one quietly building a stable, sustainable financial life. It\u2019s hard to give you a better assessment of your finances without knowing exactly what your expenses are, but overall, it sounds like you\u2019re on the right track.<\/p>\n

\u2014Kristin<\/p>\n

More Money Advice From Slate<\/p>\n

Several years ago, I bought a used car from a well-recommended dealership. It was the make and model I was looking for, 13 years old but with less than 40K miles and clearly beloved by the rich old lady who previously owned it. Even with the age I thought I was getting a great deal at the sticker price, compared to the other cars in my price range with 180K-plus miles. Then the sales team got ahold of me. Somehow, after hours and hours of manipulation and pressure and being rushed through unexplained paperwork, I left owing an extra 80 percent on top of what I\u2019d expected.<\/a><\/p>\n

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It\u2019s…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":468556,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[1129,45,49,48,133,9336,131,132],"class_list":{"0":"post-468555","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-business","10":"tag-ca","11":"tag-canada","12":"tag-finance","13":"tag-friendship","14":"tag-personal-finance","15":"tag-personalfinance"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/468555","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=468555"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/468555\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/468556"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=468555"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=468555"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=468555"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}