Published Feb 21, 2026 \u00a0\u2022\u00a0 Last updated 4\u00a0hours ago \u00a0\u2022\u00a0 2 minute read<\/p>\n
<\/a><\/p>\n You can save this article by registering for free here<\/a>. Or sign-in<\/a> if you have an account.<\/p>\n DEAR ABBY: My late husband was ill for six years. He experienced some dementia. He wasn\u2019t able to work, and our\u00a0life\u00a0together changed a lot. I focused on supporting him through his decline until he eventually ended his own life.\u00a0 <\/p>\n Advertisement 2<\/p>\n This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below.<\/p>\n THIS CONTENT IS RESERVED FOR SUBSCRIBERS ONLY<\/p>\n Subscribe now to read the latest news in your city and across Canada.<\/p>\n Unlimited online access to articles from across Canada with one account.Get exclusive access to the Toronto Sun ePaper, an electronic replica of the print edition that you can share, download and comment on.Enjoy insights and behind-the-scenes analysis from our award-winning journalists.Support local journalists and the next generation of journalists.Daily puzzles including the New York Times Crossword.<\/p>\n SUBSCRIBE TO UNLOCK MORE ARTICLES<\/p>\n Subscribe now to read the latest news in your city and across Canada.<\/p>\n Unlimited online access to articles from across Canada with one account.Get exclusive access to the Toronto Sun ePaper, an electronic replica of the print edition that you can share, download and comment on.Enjoy insights and behind-the-scenes analysis from our award-winning journalists.Support local journalists and the next generation of journalists.Daily puzzles including the New York Times Crossword.<\/p>\n REGISTER \/ SIGN IN TO UNLOCK MORE ARTICLES<\/p>\n Create an account or sign in to continue with your reading experience.<\/p>\n Access articles from across Canada with one account.Share your thoughts and join the conversation in the comments.Enjoy additional articles per month.Get email updates from your favourite authors.<\/p>\n THIS ARTICLE IS FREE TO READ REGISTER TO UNLOCK.<\/p>\n Create an account or sign in to continue with your reading experience.<\/p>\n Access articles from across Canada with one accountShare your thoughts and join the conversation in the commentsEnjoy additional articles per monthGet email updates from your favourite authors<\/p>\n Article content<\/p>\n After his death, I discovered several secrets. He\u00a0hadn\u2019t\u00a0been honest about his medical condition,\u00a0possibly out\u00a0of shame or because he wanted to protect us from\u00a0the seriousness. There were also secrets about his family he may have been ashamed about. He also changed his estate plan without telling me. These secrets and betrayals show he\u00a0wasn\u2019t\u00a0thinking about the impact of his death upon me, and they have made me question my beliefs about our marriage.\u00a0 <\/p>\n Article content<\/p>\n Article content<\/p>\n I know his decisions\u00a0weren\u2019t\u00a0about my worth \u2014 they were about his fear, shame,\u00a0illness\u00a0and preoccupation with other family issues. But I\u00a0can\u2019t\u00a0tell any of this to people because I want to preserve our adult children\u2019s love and respect for their father. Also, I\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0want to deal with other people trying to understand this crazy situation. This feels so unfair, and I may never be able to\u00a0trust\u00a0again. Do you have any advice? \u2014 KEEPING SECRETS IN NEW ENGLAND <\/p>\n Your Midday Sun<\/p>\n Thanks for signing up!<\/p>\n Article content<\/p>\n Advertisement 3<\/p>\n This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below.<\/p>\n Article content<\/p>\n DEAR KEEPING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. From what you have written,\u00a0it seems the problems\u00a0in your marriage started with\u00a0the family\u00a0secrets in addition to your husband\u2019s increasing dementia.\u00a0My advice is to put an end to all of those secrets now.\u00a0Telling your children the truth should not make them lose respect for their late father. Whether the people in whom you choose to confide will understand is beside the point.\u00a0 <\/p>\n What\u2019s most important is that you free yourself from the prison of lies in which you find yourself and talk with a mental health professional if it will help you better understand how to move forward. <\/p>\n DEAR ABBY: My family is American, through and through. We had some European ancestors back in the Ellis Island days, but\u00a0we\u2019ve\u00a0been here for generations and\u00a0identify\u00a0only loosely with our European heritage. That being said, my husband and I were discussing names for our future children, and I mentioned that I would love to have a son named after my great-grandfather. His name was Jacques, but it was always pronounced like \u201cJack.\u201d\u00a0 <\/p>\n Advertisement 4<\/p>\n This advertisement has not loaded yet, but your article continues below.<\/p>\n Article content<\/p>\n If I used the name, I would want to spell it the same way to honour him, but\u00a0I\u2019d\u00a0feel weird pronouncing it with a French accent when I\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0identify as French, nor do I have an accent. Is it OK to use the French spelling of a name and then pronounce it in an Americanized way? \u2014 PLANNING AHEAD IN SOUTH CAROLINA <\/p>\n DEAR PLANNING: You are the parent, and you can call your son whatever you wish. Jacques will be his formal name if you choose to use it on his birth certificate, but he can use \u201cJack\u201d if he wishes. When he\u00a0starts school,\u00a0don\u2019t\u00a0forget to communicate\u00a0to\u00a0his teachers and the administrators how his name is pronounced.\u00a0<\/p>\n![\"A](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/secrets.jpg\")
A woman needs to unburden herself from her late husband\u2019s secrets. Photo by stock photo \/Getty ImagesArticle content<\/p>\n![\"Toronto](\"https:\/\/dcs-static.gprod.postmedia.digital\/20.6.2\/websites\/images\/identity\/logo-identity-tsun.svg\"){kind=logo}
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