{"id":518319,"date":"2026-03-06T14:36:10","date_gmt":"2026-03-06T14:36:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/518319\/"},"modified":"2026-03-06T14:36:10","modified_gmt":"2026-03-06T14:36:10","slug":"look-mum-no-computer-eins-zwei-drei-review-this-years-uk-eurovision-entry-is-a-big-heterosexual-racket","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/518319\/","title":{"rendered":"LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER, \u2018Eins, Zwei, Drei\u2019 review \u2013 This year\u2019s UK Eurovision entry is a big heterosexual racket"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Let\u2019s get the obvious out of the way: Britain\u2019s entry for this year\u2019s Eurovision<\/a> Song Contest is a terrible racket. It is SO MERCILESSLY LOUD, to an extent that can only truly be conveyed by WRITING IN CAPITAL LETTERS AT ALL TIMES. But I\u2019ll try not to. The work of a synthesiser-wielding EDM scientist<\/a> named LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER<\/a> (sorry), \u201cEins, Zwei, Drei\u201d chucks together horny moans, plinky-plonky synths, thick stabs of bass, and a man who just won\u2019t stop shouting. You\u2019re desperate to give him the information he wants, but you just don\u2019t have it. It\u2019s giving \u201cParklife\u201d gone wrong. It\u2019s giving Guantanamo Bay.<\/p>\n

LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER, a man in his late thirties named Sam Battle, whose bio is so sparse we don\u2019t even know what UK city he\u2019s from, attracted minor fame on the internet a few years ago for making instruments out of found objects \u2013 he once wired a Furby into a synthesiser (KOOKY!). With his mad professor hair, owlish features and penchant for big noises, LOOK MUM is all a bit \u201cBlue Peter does Berghain\u201d, and very, very English in a way that\u2019s both horrendously embarrassing and oddly charming. He therefore makes sense for Eurovision<\/a>, which has long existed on a separate plane of taste and respectability<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Sonically speaking, \u201cEins, Zwei, Drei\u201d has the feel of the distant past, like a Kaiser Chiefs album track<\/a> or something by The Ting Tings, or that moment in time when lairy football fans would chant \u201cWhat\u2019s that coming over the hill? Is it a monster? Is it a monster?\u201d while down the pub. Which is all to say that this is a very heterosexual Eurovision entry, devoid of camp or glitz or whatever Olly Alexander<\/a> was doing a few years ago<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"Britain\u2019sBritain\u2019s 2026 Eurovision entrant is all a bit \u2018Blue Peter does Berghain\u2019 (BBC)<\/p>\n

The track finds LOOK MUM bemoaning the nine-to-five life (\u201cthe office cubicle has trapped me again\u201d), before concluding that the only way to rectify such malaise is by (checks notes) counting to three in German. \u201cEins, zwei, drei \/ Darlin\u2019, I need something salty \/ Eins, zwei, drei \/ with a slice of pepperoni,\u201d he yells. Is this all a bit of cynical Euro-baiting? Perhaps! Are the lyrics about being sick of eating jam roly-polys, pining for a European holiday and swapping \u201ccounterfeit\u201d pounds for some Euros really evidence that LOOK MUM has smuggled communist-socialist, anti-Brexit propaganda into the primetime BBC One schedules? If only!<\/p>\n

I\u2019m unsure if this is the right track to win us Eurovision. But our continued presence at the contest has long felt akin to sending a Valentine\u2019s card to a person who hates us, so chances are it doesn\u2019t matter anyway. What is welcome is that LOOK MUM has delivered a bit of a moment, even if that moment will give you a headache. Our recent entries have consistently been different kinds of beige, whether they\u2019re being sung by an am-dram trio with the worst band name in history (remember Remember Monday<\/a>?), or that man who looked like white Jesus<\/a>. \u201cEins, Zwei, Drei\u201d may have made me feel like I never want to listen to music again, but at least it made me feel something.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Your support helps us to tell the story From reproductive rights to climate change to Big Tech, The…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":518320,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[49,48,75,348],"class_list":["post-518319","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-tv","tag-ca","tag-canada","tag-entertainment","tag-tv"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/518319","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=518319"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/518319\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/518320"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=518319"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=518319"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=518319"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}