{"id":598823,"date":"2026-04-12T09:18:12","date_gmt":"2026-04-12T09:18:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/598823\/"},"modified":"2026-04-12T09:18:12","modified_gmt":"2026-04-12T09:18:12","slug":"trump-tiger-woods-melania-pete-hegseth-cold-open","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/598823\/","title":{"rendered":"Trump, Tiger Woods, Melania, Pete Hegseth Cold Open"},"content":{"rendered":"

\n\tJames Austin Johnson\u2019s Donald Trump opened Saturday\u2019s \u201cSNL<\/a>\u201d with a series of increasingly ridiculous \u201curgent\u201d phone calls to Tiger Woods (Kenan Thompson), Melania Trump (Chloe Fineman) and Pete Hegseth (Colin Jost).<\/p>\n

\n\tFirst up was Woods, who Trump rang up from the Oval Office to say: \u201cTiger! It\u2019s Donald! What\u2019s going on, are you playing in the Masters this weekend?<\/p>\n

\n\tWoods responded: \u201cNo, sir. I don\u2019t know if you remember but I flipped my car and got a DUI.\u201d <\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cOh, right. A DUI,\u201d Trump said (making DUI sound like dewy), adding: \u201cAs in, \u2018Do he drive on pills?\u2019 Yes he do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tWoods complimented POTUS on his joke, then Trump said to Woods he \u201cshould have told the cops we were friends, they would have let you off.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWell, I did and they didn\u2019t,\u201d Woods said, to which Trump responded: \u201cIf only there was something I could have done to help. Oh well, want to play some golf?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cI\u2019m actually at a rehab facility in Switzerland at the moment,\u201d Woods said, before Trump hung up on him and answered a call from his wife, Melania. <\/p>\n

\n\tIn a bit referencing a press conference the real Melania Trump called earlier this week to announce she was not associated with Jeffrey Epstein, Fineman\u2019s Melania told her husband, \u201cListen, I decided I should do a big, random speech, completely out of nowhere, and say I am not Epstein victim. Is that good?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cDarling, I gotta admit, this sounds a little insane. Who are you? Me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tAfter wrapping up with Melania, Trump called Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth to check in on the war in Iran.<\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cWell, rest assured, sir, Iran is as obliterated as me every Saturday night, allegedly,\u201d Jost\u2019s Hegseth said. \u201cWe\u2019ve destroyed everything. We wet their willies, tapped their sacks, and purpled every single nurple. You also probably heard that I want to start a draft again, which is a great sign of the ceasefire. This time we\u2019re fighting millennial cringe by letting 40 year olds join the military. Yeah, put that finger mustache to work pulling a trigger.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tHegseth then asked if Trump was really negotiating a ceasefire. <\/p>\n

\n\t\u201cDon\u2019t worry about the negotiations, I just heard they\u2019re going really, really bad,\u201d Trump assured. \u201cI sent in my secret weapon, JD Vance. After those Iranians spent 20 hours talking to JD, they said, \u2018Please, sir, just go back to bombing us.’\u201d<\/p>\n

\n\tWatch the cold open below.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"James Austin Johnson\u2019s Donald Trump opened Saturday\u2019s \u201cSNL\u201d with a series of increasingly ridiculous \u201curgent\u201d phone calls to…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":598824,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[49,48,361,75,28371,34566],"class_list":{"0":"post-598823","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-celebrities","8":"tag-ca","9":"tag-canada","10":"tag-celebrities","11":"tag-entertainment","12":"tag-saturday-night-live","13":"tag-snl"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/598823","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=598823"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/598823\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/598824"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=598823"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=598823"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=598823"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}