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Summer House<\/a><\/p>\n Ship Happens<\/p>\n \n Season 10<\/p>\n Episode 13\n <\/p>\n \n Editor\u2019s Rating<\/p>\n 3 stars<\/p>\n ***\n <\/p>\n \n Just as things are looking cordial between Ciara and West, Amanda and Kyle\u2019s marriage starts to disintegrate even faster. I always say that everything is better when it happens on a boat. This usually isn\u2019t true on Bravo, considering we have a Boat Ride From Hell<\/a>, a Gondola Ride From Hell<\/a>, and a Below Deck Crossover From Hell<\/a>. But not on Summer House. Everything that happened on the boat was entirely fine, even joyous. It\u2019s what happened before the boat ride that has everyone at home shook like a protein shake on the bumper cars. As the cast is leaving, Kyle is in the car and wonders if the talk that West and Ciara were having was about rekindling feelings. Mia says they need to establish a friendship first, but based on everyone\u2019s reactions, including West\u2019s and Ciara\u2019s, it\u2019s like they simultaneously went steady, made love for the first time, got engaged, conceived, and bought their first house together that\u2019s a bit of a stretch but if they do a few more Jimmy John\u2019s sponsored posts they can probably make it work. Jesse\u2019s in the car and asks if they\u2019re going to hold hands and then lift them aloft when they pull up. When the car gets there, that\u2019s exactly what they do, like a politician and her husband declaring a hard-won victory.<\/p>\n On the boat, Ciara is talking to Mia about what happened and said, \u201cI feel like he\u2019s my person.\u201d First of all, that has aged about as well as seafood salad left out in the sun. Second of all, I hate \u201cmy person\u201d culture. When did we start saying this and when did we all agree this was a thing? I\u2019m actually asking, though I do have a feeling it started with The Bachelor<\/a>. On the boat Wiara (Cest?) isn\u2019t too crazy or affectionate, but when they\u2019re back on land, he goes to her room and gives her a hug that lasts longer than the last three times I had intercourse, as they just clasp each other tightly in what would have been a very sweet moment just six weeks ago and now makes me cringe like my pubes just got caught in a car door.<\/p>\n Later in the evening, Ciara is in bed with Ben, talking to Sabrina on FaceTime about their conversation because Sabrina can\u2019t go 17 seconds without calling Ben and trying to insert herself into the show. Ugh, Sabrina. Even through FaceTime, I can tell that she\u2019s wearing a terrible outfit. She tells Ciara that West has a crush on her, which Ben told her in confidence, but she blurts out on the phone because of course she does. She\u2019s more exhausting than an ultramarathon following a Phish concert.<\/p>\n The other big couple story of the season continues as we watch Kymanda disintegrate before our very eyes. Amanda skipped the weekend, and Kyle let us know that their text thread is super-depressing because she never responds. What made her respond? When West said in the group chat (named Bummer House S10, as if a psychic told them what would happen once the summer was over) that it was the best night of his life, Amanda got upset that she wasn\u2019t there for it. As Kyle pointed out, it was West having a good time that finally gave her FOMO. Someone get that chat-naming psychic on the phone and find out if she\u2019s talked to Deux Moi.<\/p>\n Kyle tells the boys on the boat that he feels weird that he can have fun and be himself because his wife isn\u2019t around this weekend, which is sad. Jesse Solomon gossips about the situation in bed with Ciara and Mia, and he says that Kyle and Amanda haven\u2019t had sex in years. Ciara asks him how he knows, and he puts on this adorable little rascal voice and says, \u201cThe rumor millllllllllll.\u201d Ciara asks who told him, and he uses the same voice to say, \u201cCarllllllllll,\u201d and they all giggle because they know the intel is good. Ciara points out that Messy Jesse didn\u2019t even take any pressure to spill these particular beans, and that is why he is an excellent practitioner of the reality-television arts and sciences. Two years is too long for that, at least for a closed relationship. If these two aren\u2019t banging out and seemingly not hanging out, then this was doomed way before the summer started.<\/p>\n Back in the city, Amanda and Ciara go for a walk so that Amanda can hear all about the makeup with West and then tell Ciara the very sad tale of her love story as it was related to their couple\u2019s therapist. Amanda basically says that he sucked and cheated, they got married, he continued to have cheating rumors, and now they can\u2019t stand each other. Well, when you put it like that, it makes you wonder why she didn\u2019t dump Kyle after seeing him say that Stassi looked like Steve Jobs in her mock-turtleneck bikini. Amanda did say that she is still mad about things that happened prewedding, and he\u2019s pissed about things that happened post-wedding, so they\u2019re just in different places, even about what to be mad about.<\/p>\n The rest of the episode is consumed with Carl\u2019s soft opening for Soft Bar, the alcohol-free social environment that exists solely to spite Lindsay Hubbard. It\u2019s also a soft launch for In the City, the new spin-off show featuring Kyle, Amanda, and Lindsay, as well as Georgina, the friend Lindsay brings to the party; Andrea and Lexi, who show up to support Carl; and Danielle and her boyfriend, Eoin (which is how Irish people spell \u201cOwen\u201d), talking about how she and Lindsay aren\u2019t currently on speaking terms because Lindsay is pissed off at Danielle\u2019s confessionals from last season. Also at the party is Luke, whom we haven\u2019t seen in ages. He was probably there fundraising for his political campaign<\/a>.<\/p>\n It is big of Lindsay to show up at the party, but it also highlights the difference between Lindsay and Carl in their post-Larl era. Carl showed up at Lindsay\u2019s housewarming with a thoughtful gift for Lindsay and her daughter. Lindsay shows up at Carl\u2019s with a teddy bear, which is some kind of backhanded compliment or a snarky callback to how Carl wanted more hugs and someone softer than Lindsay. Then, in confessional, Lindsay makes fun of the concept of an alcohol-free bar all over again. The worst, however, is how she treats Sharon, Carl\u2019s mother. Lindsay says the last she heard from her was when she sent her a \u201cweird\u201d text post breakup that said, and I paraphrase, \u201cI still care about you, and I hope you\u2019re doing well.\u201d That\u2019s not weird, that\u2019s, I don\u2019t know, kind of sweet. Then again, my mother-in-law still vacations with my husband\u2019s ex, so maybe my boundaries are all screwy.<\/p>\n Sharon goes over to greet Lindsay, which I think is very magnanimous of her, and Sharon asks how Lindsay is, how her daughter is, a few standard questions, and Lindsay meets her with reticence and one-word answers. When Sharon asks about Gemma, Lindsay says, \u201cSlightly mean, just like me, right?\u201d I get it. The situation is awkward, and it\u2019s not nice to hear your ex\u2019s mother say you\u2019re slightly mean on television. But this bullet has been dodged. This is Carl\u2019s event, and this is Carl\u2019s mom. I love Lindsay. I get the situation is weird, and I\u2019ve already forgiven her, but she can\u2019t be nice to a sweet old lady?<\/p>\n The even worse one is Sabrina, who shows up in a choker of her own design and an outfit that looks like the losing lewk in a Drag Race challenge where all the queens were tasked to make a gown out of a bunch of used coffee filters. It was giving LaLaRi bag dress<\/a> the house down boots. She and Ben are talking to KJ, and she\u2019s like, \u201cTell him about Christmas!\u201d And then Ben has to say that he invited Sabrina to Australia to meet his family at Christmas. Then she says, \u201cTell him what you told your mother!\u201d And then Ben has to say he told his mother that the next person he brings home is going to be someone special. It\u2019s like she was announcing her engagement at someone else\u2019s wedding or a sober-bar soft opening, as the case may be. There was nothing left for anyone to drink at Soft Bar after Sabrina arrived because her insatiable thirst sucked up all the moisture within a ten-block radius. Even the houseplants in the apartment across the street are dead.<\/p>\n It\u2019s just all too much, it\u2019s all too much! Sabrina says she\u2019s excited about \u201cafterwards\u201d because she invited Ciara and West out for dinner with the two of them on a \u201cdouble date,\u201d even though they\u2019ve just rekindled their friendship. As West says in confessional, it\u2019s like she\u2019s already picked out their wedding venue when they\u2019ve been friends again for like three days. Even Amanda is worried because this sounds too much like a date, and she doesn\u2019t think that Ciara is ready to be anything more than friends with West. Why? Because she already has designs on West? Maybe!<\/p>\n Sabrina is already texting Jesse about this \u201cdate\u201d as well. Stop it! We don\u2019t know you! You don\u2019t even go here! But she\u2019s getting in everyone\u2019s business and forcing so many things to happen that Sabrina is getting even more screen time than Levi. (That said, the hot guy with the mustache standing behind Kyle at the bar opening got more screen time than Levi, and if he sees this, I\u2019m @BrianJMoylan on Instagram<\/a> and my DMs are open and my husband doesn\u2019t mind as long as he can watch.) But the note the episode ends on, just like how it opens, is one of dramatic irony. It\u2019s us knowing how all of this is going to end and the characters playing it out: West\u2019s hope at his friendship with Ciara, Amanda concerned about her friend and how West will treat her, Ciara excited that she has \u201cher person back again.\u201d We all know that it\u2019s terrible, like a million thunder strikes, like a global pandemic, like being thrown into a beehive covered in Coke Zero, like a ship with a hole in the bottom that is getting bigger and bigger, taking on water, sucking everything onboard into the dark, salty depths.<\/p>\n Sign up for the Housewives Institute Bulletin<\/p>\n Dame Brian Moylan breaks down all the gossip and drama, on- and off-screen, for dedicated students of the Reality Television Arts and Sciences.<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n
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