{"id":727722,"date":"2026-06-10T15:22:10","date_gmt":"2026-06-10T15:22:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/727722\/"},"modified":"2026-06-10T15:22:10","modified_gmt":"2026-06-10T15:22:10","slug":"parent-advice-i-had-to-take-drastic-measures-against-my-dads-gambling-problem-but-now-im-the-person-paying-for-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/727722\/","title":{"rendered":"Parent advice: I had to take drastic measures against my dad’s gambling problem. But now I’m the person paying for it!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column.\u00a0Submit questions here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

My parents are both in their 80s and live in assisted living due to declining health. My father has a long-standing gambling addiction, and as trustee of the family trust, I regularly receive requests from him to cover his gambling debts. We finally had to say no, and since then, he has refused to speak to anyone in the family.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m concerned because this has also affected our relationship with my mother. We rarely get to see her now. In addition, my father is extremely negative. When we visit, he complains constantly\u2014about the assisted living facility, the food, the staff, and even my mother while she\u2019s sitting there listening. It\u2019s uncomfortable and emotionally draining for everyone.<\/p>\n

We only hear from them when we initiate contact; they rarely call or reach out. Over the years, I\u2019ve made an effort to stay involved by visiting once or twice a month, and they seem to enjoy the visits. However, I often leave feeling exhausted by the negativity. My mother, on the other hand, has always been warm, positive, and kind. Unfortunately, her health has declined significantly, and she now struggles to communicate and often seems confused or disconnected. Given these circumstances, what would be the healthiest and most appropriate way for our family to move forward?<\/p>\n

\u2014Sad, But \u201cDone\u201d<\/p>\n

Dear Sad But Done,<\/p>\n

This sounds really hard and depressing. It\u2019s made harder and more depressing by the reality that you\u2019re definitely not going to change either your mom\u2019s or dad\u2019s mood or personality. That said, I have a couple of ideas that might take the negativity down a notch when you visit:<\/p>\n

Bring another person as a buffer or distraction: another relative, a friend of yours, a kid, whoever. Your dad probably feels very comfortable around you, which means he\u2019s happy to unleash his negativity. I bet he\u2019s on better behavior around people he doesn\u2019t know as well, people he wants to impress, and people who show up with their own plans outside of having a nice time connecting with him.<\/p>\n

Get sentimental. Bring old photo albums. Interview your parents about their childhoods. Ask them for life lessons. This could take them out of the moment and make them feel honored and appreciated. Your mom might feel less confused if she\u2019s talking about something that\u2019s within her expertise, and your dad might get a boost from feeling heard. Plus, it will remind you that your time with them is limited and maybe make you feel more appreciative of it, however dreadful it may be.<\/p>\n

Do something that you enjoy or feel good about during your visits. Maybe that\u2019s trying a new recipe, watching a movie you love, going to a good restaurant, or FaceTiming family members you\u2019ve been meaning to reconnect with. That way, even if your dad is kind of a jerk and your mom isn\u2019t fully present, you will feel at least a little bit good about the way you spent your afternoon. And you\u2019ll rely on them less to make it a good experience.<\/p>\n

Then, plan something that you look forward to (even if it\u2019s just calling a friend to chat on the way home or stopping to get your favorite cookie) after each visit so you can switch out of \u201cWhy are my parents like this?\u201d mode and enjoy your life \u2026 until the next time.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

My high school boyfriend and I were together for about a year before we broke up. The main reason for the breakup was that he wanted more freedom and to explore life, including experiences with other women. Even though he ended the relationship, he told me he still loves me, that I\u2019m the person he has cared about most, and that he hopes we can get back together in the future.<\/p>\n

We spent a lot of time talking about our future together while we were dating. I know we\u2019re young and maybe those conversations shouldn\u2019t carry as much weight as they do, but they meant a lot to me. Since the breakup, he has already had experiences with multiple women.<\/p>\n

I still love him, and part of me hopes we eventually find our way back to each other. At the same time, I feel hurt and abandoned by his decision to leave. I\u2019m struggling to balance those feelings with the hope that we could have a future together someday. Should I continue holding onto the possibility of getting back together, or should I treat the relationship as truly over and focus on moving on? If there is a chance of reconciliation in the future, how do I balance that hope without putting my own life on hold?<\/p>\n

\u2014Still Holding On<\/p>\n

Dear Still Holding On,<\/p>\n

I actually think telling yourself, \u201cMaybe one day if the time is right, we\u2019ll get back together,\u201d is a perfectly fine way to make the end of a relationship feel more manageable. So go for it. Keep the possibility open in your mind. Just don\u2019t let it shape your actions.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n Jen\u00e9e Desmond-Harris
\n Overnight, My Husband Became Convinced I Was Out to End His Life. What He Did Next Has Torn Our Family Apart.
\n Read More\n <\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

By that I mean, absolutely don\u2019t put any part of your life on hold. Hang onto hope, but pair it with the idea that if it is meant to be, you won\u2019t have to work hard\u2014or do anything at all\u2014to make it happen. Also, block or mute him on social media and take a six-month break from talking to him to prevent your jealousy over his new partners from taking your attention away from your own life. Something tells me when that time is up, the possibility of a future with him won\u2019t feel nearly as important.<\/p>\n

Prudie Wants to Hear From You!<\/p>\n

Readers often have great suggestions for our letter writers, occasionally disagree with a point Prudie makes, or simply want to provide some additional advice. Each week, Prudie will be replying to some of these comments and suggestions from readers, which will be featured on the site on Fridays for\u00a0Slate Plus<\/a>\u00a0members.\u00a0Write to us!<\/a>\u00a0Or submit a question here.<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

My Employee Is Very Open About Her \u201cHobby.\u201d Well, I Googled It and I Think Need to Go to HR.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n


\n This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/p>\n

My 5-Year-Old Told Us What Grandpa Did to Him. Now My Husband Wants My Parents Out of Our Lives.
\n <\/a><\/p>\n

I live in an apartment, and the couple that recently moved into the unit next to mine has sex loudly and endlessly late nearly every night. I have to get up early each morning to deal with a two-hour commute, and it goes without saying that this is the last thing I need. Would it be better to approach my new neighbors myself, or is this a matter for the manager?<\/p>\n

\u2014Sleepless in SoCal<\/p>\n

Dear Sleepless,<\/p>\n

It is traditional to start with a passive-aggressive note under the door and hope the couple is embarrassed enough that they quiet down. But the reality is that people are allowed to make noise, even X-rated noise. And part of living in an apartment is hearing it. While you\u2019d be within your rights to record it and file a complaint, you really have to ask yourself whether you want to dedicate your energy to pursuing this option (and probably being frustrated when it doesn\u2019t solve the problem) or if you\u2019d rather just do some DIY soundproofing, test out some headphones in search of an option that\u2019s comfortable enough to sleep in, and keep your eye on apartment listings.<\/p>\n

Classic Prudie<\/p>\n

I married my partner in a quiet online ceremony during COVID. I\u2019m a man, she\u2019s a woman, and we had decided beforehand that I would take her last name. We had a few reasons for this decision, one of them being that her name would sound like a famous comic book character (think \u201cLois Lane\u201d) if she had taken mine. We didn\u2019t mention this except to a few friends, since it didn\u2019t seem like big news. My family never asked, and I never thought to mention it, so they heard about it for the first time on our wedding day when the officiant announced our names. They seemed shocked but were quiet at the time\u2026<\/a><\/p>\n

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column.\u00a0Submit questions here. Dear Prudence, My parents are both in their 80s and…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":727723,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[1129,49,48,1253,852,84,393,394],"class_list":["post-727722","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-mental-health","tag-advice","tag-ca","tag-canada","tag-dear-prudence","tag-family","tag-health","tag-mental-health","tag-mentalhealth"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/727722","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=727722"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/727722\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/727723"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=727722"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=727722"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=727722"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}