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<\/a><\/p>\nWASHINGTON, DC – DECEMBER 05: U.S. President Donald Trump dances to the final performance of the Village People during the FIFA World Cup 2026 Official Draw at John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts on December 05, 2025 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Mandel NGAN – Pool\/Getty Images) Getty Images<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve saved soccer again. It wasn\u2019t a goal. Everybody knows it wasn\u2019t a goal. England knows it. The referee knows it. It would have been the worst goal in the history of soccer.\u201d<\/p>\n
Officials standing behind the President nodded enthusiastically before breaking into rapturous applause – on cue.<\/p>\n
England manager Arthur Sixpence accepted the ruling with customary dignity.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re naturally disappointed,\u201d he admitted. \u201cBut after FIFA\u2019s explanation, we fully understand that allowing England to score would have created an unnecessary delay in the right team winning.\u201d<\/p>\n
England captain Granite Werktopf also accepted the decision and was then immediately shown the tournament\u2019s newly introduced Green Card by match referee Nodwell. This is awarded to opposition players making an exceptional contribution to American soccer interests. Benefits include immediate US citizenship, lifetime membership of the Presidential Golf Club and a generous contribution to the offshore bank account of the recipient\u2019s choice.<\/p>\n
Match referee Sindy Nodwell was later named Player of the Match, presented by tournament sponsors LIARS (Liberty, Independence and Republican Supporters). FIFA President Johnnie Sycofantino praised her for displaying: \u201cRemarkable flexibility, outstanding judgement and an unwavering commitment to favourable outcomes.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nodwell was humble in accepting the award.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019d like to thank my uncle, the President, for his guidance.\u201d<\/p>\n
The audience gave her a standing ovation – one that went much better than the one performed in an earlier rehearsal.<\/p>\n
President Trump III was also presented with FIFA\u2019s prestigious World Peace Off Award, first introduced one hundred years earlier. The citation praised his: \u201cOutstanding contribution to global soccer harmony by ensuring that everyone ultimately agreed with the result.\u201d<\/p>\n
Presenting the award, Johnnie Sycofantino described his friend, the President, as: \u201cA great, great human being who has succeeded where soccer officials have previously failed by totally removing doubt and disagreement from World Soccer.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tournament organisers confirmed that, under new FIFA regulations, the winners automatically become hosts of the next World Soccer Series. This move was introduced to reward \u201cconsistent excellence while eliminating unnecessary bidding processes\u201d. The United States therefore secured hosting rights for the 2130 tournament. FIFA described the selection process as \u201cperhaps the most competitive in history\u201d.<\/p>\n
Scotland once again failed to qualify for the World Soccer Series.<\/p>\n
Manager Alava Bevvie explained: \u201cNae bother. To be honest, pal, we didna really wanna qualify anyways. We\u2019re focussed on cutting oot unnecessary travel costs and wanted ta concentrate on marching and chanting.\u201d<\/p>\n
Happily, the Tartan Army retained their title as Fans of the Tournament after independent economists estimated they injected more than $4 billion into the USA economy. World Soccer Series organisers praised Scottish supporters for creating an unforgettable atmosphere, despite the Scotland national team not actually appearing in the tournament.<\/p>\n
FIFA also unveiled further improvements to the World Laws of Soccer for the next World Soccer Series:<\/p>\n
Executive Time is automatically added whenever the USA are behind;VAR (Verdict Already Reached) is now officially subject to Presidential Review;Optional offside rulings are available exclusively to host nations for any goal scored by their opposition;The Right to Appeal is available, provided this supports the President\u2019s decision; andHistorical results may be amended where necessary to reflect current USA requirements.<\/p>\n
So, from me, Juan Kerr in Washington DC (and I hope I can read the President\u2019s handwriting correctly), it\u2019s a very well-deserved congratulations to Team USA. It\u2019s another emphatic win for the greatest team ever to grace Planet Earth, who are crowned World Soccer Series Champions 2126.<\/p>\n
In many ways, it was never in doubt.<\/p>\n
CORRECTION<\/p>\n
An earlier edition of this newspaper incorrectly reported that England equalised in the 89th minute. We are pleased to clarify that England did not score. The goal never happened. Footage appearing to show the goal has now been reviewed and adjusted. We apologise for any confusion caused by the previous version of events.<\/p>\n
(Decision sponsored by LIARS)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"YANKS FOR THE MEMORIES! USA CROWNED 2126 WORLD CUP CHAMPS… AGAIN! Trump III steps in as England\u2019s last-gasp…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":792327,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[440],"tags":[49,48,927,561,82],"class_list":["post-792326","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-soccer","tag-ca","tag-canada","tag-opinion","tag-soccer","tag-sports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792326","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=792326"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/792326\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/792327"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=792326"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=792326"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=792326"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}