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<\/p>\nI attended three different residential schools: in Grade 1 and 2 I went to Marieval (Indian Residential School). In Grade 3 and 4 I went to Gordon\u2019s (Indian Residential School). I went to a white public-school in Grade 5 and 6, and then went to Labret (Residential School) for the rest.<\/p>\n
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There was a lot of alcoholism with families in my community. My mother was suffering from it as well when I was young. So they sent me away to residential school to get me away from the alcoholism. But as a kid, I didn\u2019t understand it. I was one of five siblings and I was the only one who was sent away.<\/p>\n
Both first two residential schools were horrible experiences. Lebret wasn\u2019t great either, but it wasn\u2019t as bad because I played sports and no one bullied me anymore.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t remember a lot about Marieval. I remember riding the bus, and taking a long time to get there. Then staying for a long time in residence, which was this big building that looked like a church.<\/p>\n
To get to Gordon\u2019s, I also had to travel all day to get to the school, which was a horrible experience because you\u2019re by yourself and in Grade 3, travelling in buses all day. You just want your mom.<\/p>\n
At Gordon\u2019s you were thrown into the dorms that were separated for junior boys and junior girls, maybe 15 kids on each side. It was really sad at nighttime. We would cry each other to sleep. Everyone would start crying and you\u2019d start crying. That\u2019s how you\u2019d fall asleep most nights.<\/p>\n
Gordon\u2019s is also where the sexual abuse happened. I\u2019ve since gone through the courts and charged the person who sexually molested me. So I\u2019m okay to talk about it.<\/p>\n
During the two years I went there, it happened quite a bit. That\u2019s why I didn\u2019t go back. I begged and screamed and pleaded to never, ever go back to that place. And I told my mom about every terrible thing that happened to me. But people didn\u2019t really believe me.<\/p>\n
You hear about a lot of ugly stories at Gordon\u2019s \u2013 ugly truths there that they were hiding. Even when I was a little kid, you\u2019d hear about stuff going on there. But you\u2019re just a little kid. You don\u2019t know anything about sexual or physical abuse. You\u2019re just an innocent kid.<\/p>\n
There was a lot of student on student abuse that happened there as well. Both physically and sexually. And it was a hush-hush thing \u2013 if you were getting abused, you wouldn\u2019t say anything about it because no one would believe you, or if they found out you said something, you\u2019d get beat up.<\/p>\n
My mom didn\u2019t end up sending me back, but she sent me to a public school in white society. And I was totally lost. I struggled horribly. I had to repeat Grade 5 twice. It was just totally different \u2013 I went from living with other native kids, to going to a white school where there were only maybe a couple of native kids. The older white kids would bully us native kids.<\/p>\n
Labret was an ugly residential school as well. But, if you were an athlete or got into sports, you would excel because they valued sports as much as education there. I excelled in lacrosse and hockey so I got treated much better there. But the people who didn\u2019t play sports were really treated poorly.<\/p>\n
To this day, I have never gone back to Gordon\u2019s reserve. I\u2019m scared to. If I ever went back, I would need something there for support \u2013 my partner or my grandkids, because that\u2019s too much for me right now.<\/p>\n
After residential school, I definitely lost part of my identity. I fell into alcoholism and didn\u2019t know how to deal with it. I felt really off out and out of it. I think residential school made me feel isolated and alone \u2013 like not welcome with my family. It detached me from everything.<\/p>\n
As an adult, I\u2019m trying to gain all that back with my children. I\u2019ve been sober for ten years now. I\u2019m really culturally strong now \u2013 I dance powwow, which is something I\u2019ve been doing for four years. I also make regalia for new dancers. Dancing powwow is my way of getting out and trying to heal from my pain because I have a lot of pain to heal through yet.<\/p>\n
Kerry Benjoe \u2013 Muscowpetung Saulteaux Nation<\/p>\n
I went to the Qu\u2019Appelle Indian Residential School in Labret. After I finished elementary school, I had to make a decision to leave the First Nation if I wanted to continue through high school. It was either get bused off the reserve to a public school, or go to a residential school.<\/p>\n
I chose the residential school simply because it was easier for my mom. My dad had died, leaving my mom as the sole provider. She never learned to drive in her entire life, so in making things easier for her, it seemed like the only option I had.<\/p>\n
From Grade 10 to Grade 12 I was at Labret. I would stay at the school for 10-months at a time. Initially I didn\u2019t think I was impacted by residential school, but immediately there was a loneliness I always felt.<\/p>\n
When you walk into that school, you\u2019re completely on your own. You have jobs to do \u2013 there\u2019s a lot of responsibilities placed on you. And there\u2019s a sharp cutoff between you and your family, because once you walk through those doors, the Principal basically becomes your parent. He\u2019s the one that signs your paperwork, he\u2019s the one that makes all your decisions, he\u2019s the one that reviews your report cards. You\u2019re signed over to the school. And you sort of lose yourself within that whole thing. The school is overseeing 300 kids, all under their responsibility. You don\u2019t feel like an individual anymore.<\/p>\n
If we failed to meet the requirements, if we didn\u2019t do our chores as well as we were expected to, or if we didn\u2019t behave, we had things taken away from us, like not being able to leave the grounds or not being able to go to the store. We even had weekend passes taken away for those who went home. Or if your parents came to visit, we wouldn\u2019t allow us to visit our families.<\/p>\n
There were so many little things that you take for granted, like your own shampoo, your own bar of soap. Those things became really valuable because someone could steal them. You had to be constantly looking after yourself, which creates a lot of independence. You couldn\u2019t rely on anyone taking care of you.<\/p>\n
I went to residential school in \u201887 and finished in \u201890. Back then, there was nobody talking about residential schools. The lawsuits that came out in the early \u201890s \u2013 they weren\u2019t making headlines. My parents didn\u2019t talk about residential schools. So I was in a residential school and didn\u2019t even know the history.<\/p>\n
It wasn\u2019t until I got to university and started reading about it. I started to piece together why my parents were the way they were. Why they were so strict, why they didn\u2019t look like the parents on TV, why they didn\u2019t read us bedtime stories. They didn\u2019t tuck us in. They didn\u2019t say \u2018I love you\u2019.<\/p>\n
When I left the school, I never went back. I did my Master\u2019s project, called \u2018The Last Generation of Residential School Survivors\u2019, because I thought there was a gap in the storyline. I thought these stories needed to be included in this conversation.<\/p>\n
I found that I was significantly impacted by residential school in that I was so different from my family. From the moment I went to that school, I never came home. I never returned to the reserve, unpacked my bag in that bedroom, slept in my bed. I left and became a different person. It was residential school that created that disconnect from me and my community. And a disconnect within my own family.<\/p>\n
Today, when my daughter tells people her parents are residential school survivors, people ask how old they are. They don\u2019t believe that her parents went to residential school. There\u2019s a lack of information out there about the last generation. A lot of people don\u2019t know that we exist.<\/p>\n
Residential schools operated for over 100 years \u2013 there\u2019s going to be changes over that time. I think it\u2019s important for people to understand that every survivor\u2019s story is different. But every survivor\u2019s story is valid.<\/p>\n
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