Canada is part of Europe now, at least in one important way: in the face of increasing hostility (and tariffs) from the tyrannical “leadership” south of the border, our nation has found refuge in aligning ourselves with what’s truly important: the world’s flashiest singing competition.<\/p>\n
Earlier this week, the five finalists<\/a> in contention to be the first to represent Canada at next year’s Eurovision Song Contest<\/a> in Bulgaria were revealed. No disrespect to them or anything, the Exclaim! staff simply have a different (and notably unrealistic) vision \u2014 pun fully intended \u2014 of high-camp Canadiana on the world stage.<\/p>\n Find our picks, most of whom are realistically either too famous or not famous enough to actually participate, in alphabetical order below.<\/p>\n Arkells Art d’Ecco Angine de Poitrine Barenaked Ladies bbno$ The Beaches Caribou Charlotte Cardin Lou-Adriane Cassidy Devours
Listen \u2014 they’d have a whole horn section, a gospel choir of incredible backup singers, a whole lot of earnestness, and more rainbow fringe than a Pride parade.<\/p>\n
Not only can he handle his fernet<\/a>, but his flair for the dramatic and high-waisted trousers would be well-served here.<\/p>\n
It’s insane we even have to say this.<\/p>\n
You have to admit that the memeability would be off the charts, and their name might have some actual shock value overseas.<\/p>\n
He’s literally just some guy, but that seems to work for him.<\/p>\n
Imagine the synchronized hop choreography!<\/p>\n
He also lives across the pond in England. Since he’s over there already, why not drop a dance beat on Eurovision?<\/p>\n
With her bilingual lyrics and newfangled sexy saxophone-heavy approach to sparkly pop jams<\/a>, she’s the best of both worlds.<\/p>\n
A show-stopping performer who occasionally embodies a werewolf, she has the grandiose ambition<\/a> to bring Quebec to the world stage.<\/p>\n
He’s the “gaylien” of Vancouver with the theatrics to own the Eurovision stage and the electropop experimentation to freak everyone out.<\/p>\n