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<\/p>\nThese are not just passing worries. Boxer explains for many people the same fear or anxiety shows up again and again in similar situations.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt often leads people to avoid those situations altogether, or push through them while feeling extremely uncomfortable,\u201d Boxer says. \u201cThe fear is usually way bigger than the actual risk involved and can go on for months or years.\u201d<\/p>\n
While for some people such experiences can be chalked up to shyness or nerves, Boxer says it crosses into social anxiety when it starts affecting day-to-day life and stops you from doing the things you would normally do.<\/p>\n
Lockyer says ruminating about how a social situation may play out in the lead up to an event can also be exhausting.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I\u2019m at a kids\u2019 birthday party and I\u2019m asked how many kids do I have, should I say two \u2013 because that\u2019s what they can see and it\u2019s an easier answer? But that comes with a sense of guilt that I\u2019m not acknowledging James. If I say three, but one died, is that going to bring down the mood of the whole party?\u201d<\/p>\n
Who feels socially anxious?<\/p>\n
Social anxiety can impact anyone, from outwardly confident, high-achievers to those with lower self-esteem.<\/p>\n
Boxer says people with ADHD and\/or ASD may be more prone to social anxiety, while it can also stem from genetic predisposition, current life pressures, past experiences, or trauma such as a sudden loss.<\/p>\n
High-profile figures including singer Adele, actress Emma Stone, and tennis player Naomi Osaka have spoken of their struggles with social anxiety, while research shows around 12 per cent of people will experience it at some point in their lives.<\/p>\n
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Naomi Osaka has spoken of her struggles with anxiety in the past.Credit: Getty Images<\/p>\n
Among young people the numbers are even higher.<\/p>\n
\u201cAround 17 per cent of Australian youth aged 15-24 years old will experience it,\u201d explains Boxer. \u201cSocial anxiety often begins early and around 90 per cent of cases occur by age 23.\u201d<\/p>\n
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But the actual number may be underestimated, as experts increasingly recognise it exists on a spectrum, meaning people who don\u2019t necessarily meet the clinical threshold for a formal diagnosis can still experience significant distress or disruption to their lives and may fly under the radar for treatment.<\/p>\n
Social anxiety can present as feeling self-conscious around others, anxious or nervous in social situations, or overthinking social interactions after they\u2019ve happened.<\/p>\n
It can also trigger physical responses such as a pounding heartbeat, sweating, dizziness, upset stomach, chest pain, or stammering when speaking.<\/p>\n
Its impact can be widespread.<\/p>\n
\u201cIn personal relationships, it can make it hard to form close bonds,\u201d Boxer says. \u201cPeople may avoid social gatherings, dating, or even maintaining friendships for fear of being judged or saying the wrong thing.\u201d<\/p>\n
The workplace can also be a challenge.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt might show up as difficulty speaking up in meetings, avoiding presentations, or not applying for promotions or jobs that involve social interaction,\u201d says Boxer. \u201cPeople may seem disengaged or uninterested when really, they\u2019re just trying to manage anxiety. This can affect how others perceive their confidence or competence, which can limit opportunities.\u201d<\/p>\n
To the outside world, Rob Davis* cuts a commanding figure. With a senior communications role and a strong physical presence, he\u2019s ambitious, hardworking and successful.<\/p>\n
On the inside, he\u2019s quietly battling an undercurrent of anxiety \u2013 overthinking conversations, wondering if he measures up to expectation, or trying to anticipate anything that might unveil him as an imposter in a world where he worries he doesn\u2019t belong.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a state of hypervigilance Davis, 33, has lived with since he was a teenager. It was only after a recent diagnosis of ADHD and autism spectrum disorder that he came to understand it as social anxiety.<\/p>\n
He says it can range from a low-level background unease to a deep, exhausting debilitation that slowly wears you down.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy baseline is a mild physical, ever-present discomfort,\u201d Davis says. \u201cWhen it gets more serious it can manifest in catastrophising and rumination on things that haven\u2019t necessarily happened but could, and the lasting effects of making a fool of myself, or ruined something with the wrong decision.\u201d<\/p>\n
Davis says his social anxiety impacts his personal relationships, while professional networking events can be particularly challenging.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf I had to approach an industry social event, I would spend weeks fretting about the need for it, having to mentally prepare, forcing myself to be \u2018on\u2019,\u201d Davis says. \u201cThen I would have to deal with the reverberations of that for quite some time afterwards.\u201d<\/p>\n
How to calm social anxiety<\/p>\n
Boxer says anxiety is a natural human response and plays an important role in our biology, but sometimes we experience it out of proportion to the threat involved. The good news is we can reshape how much impact it has on our lives.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019ll always feel nervous sometimes \u2013 but it\u2019s how we respond to that fear that matters,\u201d he says. \u201cIf we have the power to build something up in our minds, we also have the ability to tone it down.\u201d<\/p>\n
Davis says his neurodivergent diagnosis and the better understanding of himself has been a game changer.<\/p>\n
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\u201cI have started taking medication to address my ADHD symptoms and it has alleviated tons of my social anxiety problems and really changed my life \u2013 to the point where if I have a work event I have zero concerns going into it and that anxiety hangover I experienced is just not there.\u201d<\/p>\n
Lockyer accepts he may always be affected by social anxiety to some degree, however he\u2019s determined to work through his challenges so his other children don\u2019t miss out on social opportunities.<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t give myself a choice,\u201d he says. \u201cIf they\u2019ve got a birthday party or want to catch up with a friend, I\u2019ll do it for them. James missed out on all this, so they\u2019re not going to miss out on anything.\u201d<\/p>\n
![\"Benn](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/a730298428cc14052528c7f6e93eb4daaf56e9e9.jpeg\")
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Benn Lockyer has accepted social anxiety may always be a part of his life since losing his son, but he is determined to provide a full life for his children.Credit: Joe Armao<\/p>\n
Boxer offers some techniques to manage social anxiety.<\/p>\n
Normalise it<\/p>\n
Social anxiety is incredibly common, so accepting a bit of awkwardness or nervousness as part of the human experience can take the edge off.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd if it\u2019s impacting your life, there is help and evidence-based support like CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) and exposure therapy can work,\u201d Boxer says.<\/p>\n
Work on your internal validation<\/p>\n
The more confident you feel in your own worth, the less you rely on others to give it to you, Boxer says.<\/p>\n
\u201cI tell clients, if you genuinely think you\u2019re awesome, you won\u2019t care what other people think of you. Your internal barometer matters.\u201d<\/p>\n
Gradual exposure<\/p>\n
Research consistently shows that graded exposure to feared social situations (rather than avoidance) is one of the most effective treatments.<\/p>\n
\u201cStart small, like a short phone call, a one-on-one chat, and build up from there. This helps rewire the fear response,\u201d says Boxer.<\/p>\n
Self-compassion<\/p>\n
\u201cMany socially anxious people are so harsh and overly critical of themselves,\u201d Boxer says. \u201cPracticing self-compassion, even something simple like \u2018This is hard, and I\u2019m not perfect but I\u2019m doing my best\u2019, can reduce shame and increase confidence over time.\u201d<\/p>\n
Prep some conversation starters<\/p>\n
Boxer says if you\u2019re going to a social event, having a few go-to talking points ready is really useful.<\/p>\n
\u201cI recommend having three things or stories you can say when someone asks, \u201cHow are you?\u201d I\u2019ve even been known to keep a few quirky open-ended questions in my back pocket in case a conversation went flat.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s not about being fake, it\u2019s just giving yourself a bit of structure to feel more confident.\u201d<\/p>\n
* Name changed<\/p>\n