If a naked bearded man is a representation of the River Thames, what part of London would be his willy?
Is the unexpected question you might think of when stumbling upon said naked man in Nine Elms. He is, of course, not a literal representation of the river, but an anthropomorphic personification of the river.
This particular representation is a work of art by Stephen Duncan, and according to the small plaque underneath was commissioned by Regalian Properties in 1988.
That’s because they’re the property developer who built the block of flats next door.
It’s a slightly odd bas-relief mural, as it looks almost as if it were moved here from somewhere else. The triangular design just doesn’t seem quite right. Yet, when realising it was made in 1988, it suddenly seems perfect, as the colours and design are strongly reminiscent of artworks from the Docklands area.
The triangular does give a decent frame for Father Thames in the middle, either wrestling with or supporting a menagerie of riparian residents.
And right in the middle is his willy.
If you notice such things.
A small oddity, the plaque says the artwork is called Father Thames, but the barely visible title carved into the sculpture calls it River God.
The sculpture sits next to the Bourne Valley Wharf Pavilion, which, at the time of writing, is occupied by a large Free Palestine protest group and a lot of homeless tents.