As I Lay Dying frontman Tim Lambesis’ last year has been rocky to say the least. As the band’s lineup collapsed in another mass exit, disturbing home-security footage involving Lambesis and his then-wife leaked online. Lambesis fired back with allegations of his own, but his former bandmates later detailed the issues that pushed them to sever ties entirely.

Since then, Lambesis has rebuilt the band yet again, this time with a fully revamped roster. 

Following his birthday, November 21st, the now 45-year-old used the occasion to reflect on the chaos and turmoil surrounding his life as he turned 44.

In a post Lambesis shared:

Last year’s birthday was the worst of my entire life.
I was carrying more anxiety and depression than I’d ever known — feeling trapped, threatened, and unsure if there was even a safe way to make the changes I desperately needed.
It was dark. And the thought of wishing I had never been born was something I wrestled with more than I’d ever admit.

But facing that fear forced huge transformations in both my personal and professional life.
Slowly, the weight started to lift, and meaningful connection with the people closest to me began to give me life again.

This year looks completely different.
I’m in a place where I genuinely appreciate — and feel appreciated by — the people around me.
There’s a deeper level of friendship in my life than I’ve ever known, and a sense of peace I’ve been missing for most of my life.

I get to have weekly dinners with my whole family.
I fall asleep knowing my needs are met without having to plead, over-explain, or even ask.
That community lines up beautifully with the personal work I’ve been doing — sometimes alone, sometimes with the guidance of someone who really knows what they’re doing.

And on top of that, I get to finish writing all the music I started earlier this year with a group of guys I’ve known for a long time — guys who took the time to understand me even more deeply when I was at my lowest.
They deserve to be part of the good things ahead.

Thank you to everyone who reached out for my birthday.
I’m sorry for the slow replies — social anxiety still sneaks up on me, especially with the pressure of our phones — but your messages meant the world.
I felt loved. And I’m grateful.

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