Adam, a caller from Toronto, said his marriage has reached a breaking point as his wife spends about 2,000 Canadian dollars ($1,450) more than their household earns each month and recently demanded a CA$10,000 ($7,250) elective surgery.
He told “The Ramsey Show,” the overspending has nearly wiped out their emergency fund and intensified after his wife said she would put the surgery on a credit card if he refused to help pay for it.
Adam said he and his wife had previously worked their way out of serious debt, paying off about CA$65,000 in roughly 11 months. However, progress stalled after a sharp downturn in his aviation career, which was hit hard by the pandemic.
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As income fluctuated, his wife resumed spending freely, insisting they earned enough to avoid restraint. Over time, this drained most of their emergency savings, and repeated attempts to discuss budgeting, retirement planning, and saving for their four children were dismissed as an unhealthy obsession with money.
The dispute escalated when Adam said his wife signed up for the procedure. When he questioned the timing, she insisted it would proceed whether funded jointly or independently.
At that point, personal finance expert Dave Ramsey told Adam flatly, “This is not a marriage. The marriage is over.” He said the ultimatum removed Adam from shared decision-making and demonstrated a refusal to work as a partner. “This is not someone that is in a marriage anymore,” Ramsey added, noting that people who want a marriage to work do not behave that way.
Adam said he felt trapped, comparing his silence to enabling destructive behavior like “giving the drunk a drink.” Ramsey rejected that approach, warning that avoiding conflict would not save the marriage.
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Ramsey urged Adam to stop negotiating around finances and confront the underlying issue. He said the next step should be immediate marriage counseling, framed as a clear choice: attend together to rebuild the marriage or alone to learn how to end it.
He said that continued overspending, threats, and refusal to engage showed a lack of commitment to partnership. Co-host George Kamel reinforced the point, saying actions matter more than words and reassurance without change leaves families stuck in the same cycle.