“About six months ago I was in a cafe and he [Roy Keane] was in there with his family. He left after about 20 minutes. I went to get my bill but the waiter said Roy had paid it. I got dead emotional, had I wasted 20 years? Because he’s actually all right, you know.

“So I rang Jamie Carragher and said, ‘soft arse has paid my bill in a restaurant, can I have his number?’, and he said he’d better ask him first. Two hours later, Carra rang me back and said, ‘Roy said he accepts the thank you, but you can f**k off, you’re not having his number’.” – Jason McAteer, speaking on the quizshow ‘Call Yourself A Fan’, on the end of a two-decade-long feud.

Altogether: Aw.

Arabs of Dundee

Some of us always believed that Dundee United supporters are called Arabs because in 1963 they covered a frozen pitch with sand so their cup game against Albion Rovers could go ahead. They won 3-0, newspapers reporting that they had taken to the sand “like Arabs”.

However: “It’s a great story, but isn’t remotely true,” The Dundee Courier once revealed. Instead, they claim it dates back to 1960 when a chant-leading supporter, who resembled president Nasser of Egypt, often hollered: “I AM NASSER AND YOU ARE MY ARABS!” The sandy pitch still sounds more convincing, to be honest.

Why do we mention all of this? Because a supporter of Dundee, Dundee United’s not-so-beloved neighbours, has won £10,926.46 in compensation after an employment tribunal ruled that his sacking by BT was unjust. The company found that he had breached their ‘Diversity and Inclusion’ policies, among his supposed transgressions calling a Dundee United-supporting co-worker and friend an “Arab b*****d”.

After having the Arab thing explained to them, the tribunal accepted it was just football banter, if a bit rude, and not actual racism. They didn’t rule, alas, on whether the name came from a sandy pitch or a Nasser lookalike.

Arrests of the week

We’ll go with the three Club Brugge fans who were jailed for five days in Kazakhstan after being found guilty of “disrespectful and disturbing acts of public order” – including being drunk and removing their clothes – during the Belgian side’s Champions League game against Kairat Almaty. What were they wearing? Mankinis, in honour of Borat in that ‘Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan’ movie. Considering the temperatures were below zero, they deserved a medal, not imprisonment.

Quote

“He’s always angry, always with a long face. He probably doesn’t have sex at home because he’s a very bitter guy.” – Diego Costa with fond memories of Antonio Conte during their time at Chelsea.

Number: 145

That’s how much, in euros, the new ‘pro’ version of Ireland’s jersey will cost fans. The kid’s shirt? €85. The good news? “It’s a timeless piece for loyal supporters.”

Word of Mouth

“For the first time in history, no Brit was arrested during a World Cup! Imagine! This is something really, really special!” – Fifa president Gianni Infantino, talking about how peaceful the Qatar World Cup was, not quite endearing himself to Blighty.

“For me, it is a surprise when coaches with no history and no work done have the opportunity to coach the most important teams in the world.” – José Mourinho stopping short of praising Manchester United for choosing Michael Carrick as their interim gaffer.

“It is difficult to talk about football right now. Shitty football.” – PSG manager Luis Enrique in a mood after his side’s Champions League defeat by Sporting Lisbon.

“Maguire and Shaw are a symbol of what has gone wrong at Man United. Both of them should have been offloaded a long time ago – the fact that they are still there is a joke.” – United old-boy Paul Parker being quite rude about Harry and Luke.