A new Married At First Sight groom has revealed a growing trend in Australia that’s raising concerns. The Channel 9 show will welcome three new couples to the experiment on Monday’s episode and the groom in question is Tyson Gordon.
In a preview aired on Sunday night, Tyson said he’s looking for a wife who is “submissive”, along with someone who isn’t “woke” or “overweight”. Dr Eloise Faichney told Yahoo Lifestyle the concept of looking for a partner who submits to you has its roots in the “tradwife” and “manosphere” movements.
“We need to be very critical when we’re hearing these concepts and actually think through what they materially mean,” the University of Melbourne researcher said.
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“The idea of what submission actually means… which is often taking away autonomy from women.
“I think we need to be very skeptical about seeing these terms being thrown around, and we need to think about the longer-term implications of women’s autonomy.”
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Relationship expert Melissa Ferrari told Yahoo Lifestyle that one person wanting the other to submit to them isn’t a good foundation to build something from.
“In healthy relationships, there’s room for different temperaments,” she said.
“Some people are naturally more assertive, others more accommodating. That’s not inherently problematic.
“The concern arises when ‘submissive’ really means compliant, silent, or willing to abandon one’s own needs to preserve the ego of a partner.”
First off: What is a tradwife and what is the manosphere?
Tradwife is short for traditional wife and it promotes old-school gender roles where the man is the protector and provider of the family, while the woman is the subservient caretaker who raises the children, cleans the house and cooks the food.
Dr Faichney said this movement has been associated with far-right politics and the alt-right.
“This is a movement that assumes that feminism has failed,” she said.
“So it’s either we achieved equality and it didn’t work, or equality wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
“They have this nostalgia for the past and to go back to a time when things were simpler: when women fulfilled this biological role as wife and mother and carer of the home and didn’t have to go into careers and education.”
Dr Eloise Faichney (left) said the tradwife and manosphere movements are rooted in the idea of traditional gender roles. Picture: Eloise Faichney/Getty
According to the UNSW, 40 per cent of Aussie men under 35 believe women’s rights have gone “too far”.
The manosphere, meanwhile, is a subculture on internet forums and is also associated with the far-right.
While there might be different interpretations from the individuals within this sphere, they’re fairly united on their opposition to feminism while also promoting traditional ideas about masculinity.
Dr Faichney said the manosphere similarly has a “longing for the past”.
UN Women Australia said the rise of the manosphere coincides with the increase of conservatism in young men, and misogyny is slowly “making its way into schoolyards, workplaces, and relationships”.
Melissa added that men in these circles are missing a major aspect of what makes healthy relationships tick.
“Some young men are consuming content that frames relationships as a power dynamic. Where masculinity is defined by control and emotional dominance,” she said.
“But true masculinity isn’t threatened by an equal partner.”
What does MAFS groom Tyson say about who he’s looking for?
Channel 9 shared a few snippets of what Tyson will say on Monday night’s episode, which reveal the type of woman he’s looking for.
The 30-year-old former soldier-turned-property investor from the Gold Coast wants someone who:
Doesn’t have a high “body count”, which means hasn’t had sex with many people
Isn’t a “complete feminist”
Doesn’t hate Donald Trump
Doesn’t like to party with her girlfriends every weekend
Isn’t a “full-blown” atheist
“She needs to bring femininity. I want submissive vibes,” Tyson said.
He also said at the altar next to his bride-to-be: “If the person across from me today embraces woke culture, we’ll have a problem.”
Dr Faichney said Tyson’s comments are straight out of the manosphere playbook.
She especially called out his mentioning of not wanting someone with “green hair”, as it’s a popular meme in the manosphere ripping into the archetype of a very progressive feminist.
What the MAFS groom’s ideals actually represent
The lecturer in Media and Communications explained why these ideas can be quite harmful.
“When they’re asking for a tradwife or a submissive partner, it might be that what they really want is they don’t want to be challenged and they don’t want to be asked to negotiate or compromise, or genuinely reflect on themselves,” she told Yahoo Lifestyle.
“But all of those things are really key to having any kind of relationship.
“For some men, this rhetoric that we’re talking about women being submissive, it’s really based in sexual violence and in the dehumanisation of women and the oppression of women.
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“But I think when younger men hear in these terms, they might not actually realise how dehumanising and violent they these concepts are.”
Melissa added that when submissiveness is demanded it can create an imbalance that can “erode autonomy, self-esteem and emotional intimacy” in the person submitting.
“The most resilient couples I work with don’t compete for control – they build together. They have each other’s backs. They challenge each other respectfully. They grow,” she said.
“Dominance may look powerful on television, but in real life, emotional flexibility is what sustains love.”
Relationship expert Melissa Ferrari said the concept of submission in couples can go down a very dark path. Picture: Melissa Ferrari
Dr Faichney also questioned whether people had fully considered the reality of their partner not being in the workforce and them being the sole income provider for a family.
“How is he going to cover her expenses?” Dr Faichney wondered.
“How is he going to account for her loss of superannuation over the course of the time that she’s not working and she’s raising his children?
“If the marriage fails and she has given up a career, she doesn’t have any superannuation, she doesn’t have a way of making income, what’s going to happen to her?”
“I wonder if he’s thought any of those things through, or whether he’s just parroting these far-right talking points that he’s picked up, probably from social media.”
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