Time travel, sadly, has not been invented yet but if you could go back in time and give advice to your younger self what would it be? In this special feature to mark International Women’s Day, we’re celebrating the power of hindsight. The best wisdom is hard-earned, accumulated through challenging experiences and mistakes many of us made on a loop before finally learning valuable life lessons. We asked a range of influential women what advice they would give their younger selves.
‘Do not cut your own fringe’Caitlin Moran, writer
Do not cut your own fringe, do not trust a loved-one to cut your fringe, and remember that life always divides into just two categories: 1. things that are fun AT THE TIME. And 2. things which AT THE TIME are terrible but which later make future, incredible anecdotes. And this all works out perfectly, because FUN is what your life is SUPPOSED to be, but it’s all the anecdotes that make you who you are.
‘Most people are thinking about themselves’ Catriona Crowe, writer and activist
Try not to be self-conscious. Most people are thinking about themselves, not you. Read real books. Cherish your friends.
‘You will be whole again. Not broken’Lavinia Kerwick, activist and sexual abuse survivor
I want you to know some things. That you will be okay. That you will not be carrying this guilt and shame forever. It is not yours. It never was. You will come home to yourself again. You will feel safe again. The rape will always be part of you but you will find the space and grace to live alongside it. You will be whole again. Not broken. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are needed here.
‘Women are stronger than you realise’Anne Enright, author
Women are stronger than you realise and men more fragile than you currently think they are – this still does not mean they should get all the gravy.
‘Value and nurture your friendships’Caoilfhionn Gallagher, human rights lawyer
First, you’re stronger than you know. Teenage me would not believe I could cope with all the things which were to hit me in the years ahead. But often we stumble upon our strength because we have no choice. It’s always there, waiting to be tapped when needed.
Second, don’t just secretly, silently hope things might happen that you dream about. Be confident. Get a plan. You are in control.
Third, value and nurture your friendships. All too often we focus only on romantic and family relationships – don’t neglect your brilliant, kind friends who will have your back for decades.
‘You don’t need a nose job’Naoise Dolan, author and activist
Trust your own instincts and perceptions, no matter how aggressively your environment makes you doubt them. Don’t listen when adults say you won’t succeed or that your every mistake is a character flaw; it’s how they were raised themselves, and it’s the only way they know how to interact with you. Know that the negativity around the Irish language that basically everyone older than you is modelling will rapidly diminish once your generation takes over, though it will remain necessary to fight for actual policy change that reflects this. And you don’t need a nose job. Stop googling them.
‘The regret how long I spent harshly judging what I saw’Mariella Frostrup, broadcaster and women’s health advocate
Love your body and make it a priority to understand the miracle of how it works, rather than spending hours gazing at your reflection in dissatisfaction. Unless you want to go down the Kardashian route it’s not going to change, but you will. And there is no stage of our sometimes challenging fertility journey that isn’t enhanced by better knowledge. The only regret I have today is how long I spent harshly judging what I saw rather than celebrating what I had and failing to be an expert in the most important thing we have, our health.
‘You’re always young enough to start over again’Katja Mia, presenter 
No matter what career path you choose, if you feel like you’ve made a mistake and want to change your mind, you’re always young enough to start over again. You will figure it out.
‘I’d tell her nothing’Rachael Blackmore, retired champion jockey 
I’d tell her nothing because I wouldn’t want to risk influencing what happens in her future.
‘Tell people to f*ck off more’Jan Brierton, poet
You don’t have to always be friendly or available to please. Tell people to f*ck off more. Don’t ghost nice boys, be honest. Don’t wear a bra if you don’t want to (you’ll have no choice later in life). Get to know your brother better.
This is all good. What is for you will follow you around and catch up with you when you’re ready.
‘Grit and perseverance are underrated’Suzie Miller, playwright
Know that the parts of yourself and your background that make you anxious and sometimes ashamed – that you don’t come from an intellectual or educated family – are eventually going to be your point of difference. Your unique perspective growing up observing how the world works will allow you to interrogate and connect with so many other people. Grit and perseverance are underrated but fundamental. The torment of unfairness in the world is something you can add your voice to and challenge through storytelling. It will make a difference. Stay passionate, especially when other people consider it to be “too much”. Live boldly even when it feels vulnerable.
‘I could’ve slowed down to smell the roses’Sonia O’Sullivan, retired athlete and commentator
Sonia O’Sullivan, retired athlete and commentator. Photograph: Brendan Moran/Sportsfile
Take your time and enjoy the moment. For a lot of my career, I was always in a rush to get on to the next race, the next challenge, always wanting to be better. Maybe that’s what you need to do to be the best in the world. But I also think there are definitely times when I could’ve stopped, slowed down to smell the roses. And still achieved great things, and possibly even extended my running career for a few more years, if I listened to my body and was a bit more patient. I think I am listening more now but I am also not competing on the world stage.
‘Continue enjoying being a woman’Yvonne Farrell, co-founder of Grafton Architects
I’d give her a big hug, because the road ahead is a combination of wonderful and difficult times. You’re doing all the right things: valuing family, friends, colleagues. You’re lucky to love, be loved, to have education, to have chosen a profession that contributes to people’s lives, that will continue to be meaningful and creative. Continue being fascinated by ordinary things and the beauty of nature. Continue enjoying being a woman.
‘Live honestly with yourself’Sarah Lavin, athlete
Continue to follow your heart in everything you do and your own path will emerge. Nobody is you and your journey is like no one else’s. Live honestly with yourself, be present with those you care about most and continue to pour yourself fully into everything you truly love.
‘If you need advice ask for it’Tara Flynn, actor, writer, podcaster
The saying “what other people think of me is none of my business” gets truer with time. Unsolicited advice, especially the hypercritical kind, usually tells us more about the person pushing it than it does about ourselves. Most of us are self-critiquing all the time, to the point of exhaustion. So if you need advice, ask for it, accept it and do the necessary self-reflection. But if it doesn’t concern them and you didn’t ask for it, the other person’s opinion or advice might be none of your business. Maybe you are too much for them. And maybe that’s good.
‘Most judgment reflects where someone else is’Grainne Seoige, broadcaster
People will judge you. They will form opinions based on a moment, a mood or a version of you that isn’t the whole picture. You can’t control that and you don’t need to. What matters is not letting their view become your inner voice. Most judgment reflects where someone else is, not where you are.
Stay true to yourself. Keep growing, keep showing up, and be gentle with who you are along the way.
‘Never forget who you are’Lynn Ruane, senator and activist
If I could speak to myself at every stage, both past and future, I would remind myself never to trade collective solidarity for individual gain and safety.
I’d say: be more radical, speak up, and never forget who you are in this world among others.
‘Start now. There is no perfect moment coming’Chupi Sweetman, founder of Chupi Jewellery
Don’t wait, figure out what you want and give it everything. The things in my life that mean the most to me came from seasons of enormous uncertainty. Our gorgeous daughter arrived safely into our arms after a four-year rollercoaster that tested every part of us. My beloved brand, Chupi, was called an overnight success, but only after 10 years of showing up and believing when it would have been easier not to.
We bought our home after 14 years of renting and wondering if it would ever happen. None of those moments came at the ‘right’ time. I was never ready enough, brave enough, certain enough. They required ridiculous amounts of belief and risk. So start now. There is no perfect moment coming. The only way forward is to begin.
‘You’ll fear for your life. You’ll be right to’Rosita Sweetman, writer, activist and mother of Chupi
Listen, I know you think you’re a flake, your bum is too big, you lack courage and you’re no beauty.
Actually you’re okay, and, very soon you’re going to have to walk through that “valley of the shadow of death” you’ve been terrified of for so long.
It will be more terrifying than even you, with your wild imaginings, could conjure. You’ll fear for your life. You’ll be right to. You’ll be alone.
But you will come through, and win the right to the life you always dreamed of. Based on truth. Big bums. Beauty. Hooray!
‘You must strive to let go of the need for approval’Anna Geary, broadcaster, retired camogie player 
You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches. When you are younger, ‘fitting in’ is everything. I understand that you want to feel accepted and liked, but you must strive to let go of the need for approval or validation, and practice self-acceptance instead. Forge your own path. Try new things. Fail. Then try again. Real success lies in having the courage to try. Give yourself permission to be unapologetically you. Because when you start to do that, amazing things can happen.
‘I wasted a lot of time being too scared’Edel Coffey, author
I was watching the actor Viola Davis making a speech the other day. She talked about her idea of hell being that on your last day on earth, the person you have become meets the person you might have become. It resonated. I wasted a lot of time being too scared to pursue my dreams, so my advice for my younger self (and for anyone really) would be: do everything you can to become the person you might be. Whatever it is you want to do with your one wild and precious life, be brave and just go for it.
‘Forgive quickly. Laugh uncontrollably.’Rosaleen Linehan, actor
Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Laugh uncontrollably. And put off getting old for as long as possible.
‘Confidence isn’t about being perfect, it’s about having the courage to stand tall in your own boots’Ursula Jacob, retired camogie player and The Sunday Game hurling pundit
Back yourself always. Work hard, stay kind and don’t apologise for being ambitious. The setbacks will shape you more than the wins. Keep showing up, keep believing and remember that confidence isn’t about being perfect, it’s about having the courage to stand tall in your own boots. Never forget that sport isn’t just about winning. Cherish the fun, the friendships and the joy in the journey, because those are what truly last.
‘Maintain a healthy cynicism’Lisa McInerney, author
Author Lisa McInerney. Photograph: Bríd O’Donovan
My younger self wouldn’t follow advice, and she’d be right. I’m also pretty happy with where I am so I’ve decided not to have any regrets. But, if I had an advice session with my younger self, I’d title it For the Avoidance of Doubt and it’d be all about trusting my gut. As you get older, you get better at assessing people, by which I mean you stop wasting time berating yourself for being judgy. I’d tell young Lisa she was right for doubting the flaky bestie, all those unctuous media producers, and the wannabe creatives who wouldn’t work to warm themselves. Offer adventurous yeses to opportunity, but maintain a healthy cynicism. Be proud of your pessimism!
‘Sit a bit longer with the uncomfortable’Anna Nolan, director of Coco Content, NXF – National LGBTQ+ Federation and former Big Brother contestant
If I was to look back at younger me, I would be in awe of the big leaps I took to change my life for the better. Moving country, three times. Changing jobs, numerous times. Reinventing and reframing. I would say to myself that that is wonderful and brave, daring and admirable.
But I would tell myself that it will be important, too, to not be so hasty. To dig a little deeper to understand why [there’s] the need to move on, why the desire to leave so much so quickly. To take time and sit a bit longer with the uncomfortable.
‘Now risk it. Dare. Make mistakes. Fail’Razan Ibraheem, Irish-Syrian journalist 
Keep it up, girl. Well done. You’ve already won battles that once seemed impossible: against fear, against silence, against the voices that tried to shrink you. And you will keep fighting. Against macho power, against injustice, against every small and mighty tyranny. Now risk it. Dare. Make mistakes. Fail. Especially now, while you are young and learning fast. Ignore the smirks and the warnings about “the folly of the fight”. Stay fierce. Stay tender. Keep raging against the dying of the light.
‘Do not let people underestimate you’Sandy Wyer, co-owner of Michelin-starred Dublin restaurant Forest Avenue 
Trust your instincts, they will take you far. Be kind to yourself – you deserve it more than you know. Be okay with making mistakes in order to learn and get better. Your strength is immense, do not let people underestimate you.
‘You can’t control other people’Aimee Connolly, founder of Sculpted by Aimee 
Back yourself and stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking. You can’t control other people, so instead of trying to people-please, focus on doing the right thing, being fair and ultimately being guided by your own values. This saves time, energy and needless overthinking, and puts more focus into where you want to go so that you can back yourself on that journey.