Dear Eric: My sister, who lives about 500 miles away from me, has asked me to apologize for something she perceives I should apologize for. I replied to her to please let me know what she wants me to apologize for and she pivoted, without answering, saying she would not let evil into her house but then continues to send references to a young man in her neighborhood that may have committed suicide or devastating weather that has destroyed houses near her. It seems she wants to set borders for what she wants to talk about. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. This is hurtful and bothers me a lot. Any suggestions?

– Wanting to Know What the Apology is For

Dear Wanting: If there is anyone closer to your sister – a friend or relative – who has a better relationship with her and can check in on her, in person or on the phone, please get in contact with them. Her comments read as strange to me, perhaps troubling. Because they don’t quite make sense, they could suggest she’s experiencing a mental health crisis. You can also find information and resources on the National Alliance on Mental Illness website (nami.org).

I want to underscore that it’s inappropriate for me to guess at what could be happening here on a psychological level. It could be nothing. But the information you’ve been given suggests that further investigation is needed.

You won’t be able to resolve what she believes is coming between the two of you until you find out what’s behind her behavior. It’s also important to make sure that she’s safe and not a danger to herself and others.

I don’t want to alarm you. Simply put, asking more questions about what’s going on in her life may get you further than trying to discern what she wants you to apologize for. Once you get clarity on the former, you’ll be better equipped to have a conversation about the latter, if such a conversation is warranted. It may be that there’s nothing to apologize for at all.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.