Ryan: I can’t remember the last time I walked out on a movie. I don’t mean turning off the television and leaving the couch. I’m referring to the physical act of leaving the cinema because the film is so atrocious.
I know I fell asleep during Seven Years In Tibet. It felt like 70 and it lost me completely. That was in 1997. Two years later a film called Meet Joe Black had the same effect. A turgid, non-story that went on and on. I realise as I’m writing that both starred Brad Pitt, who I quite like as an actor. Maybe he got me on two bad days.
Fast forward to a cinema trip in London the other day. Before I get to the film itself, it’s probably best to lay out the circumstances as it’s critical to how you watch a film on the big screen.
© Warner Bros. / courtesy Everett Collection
Digger – 2026
I was at an Everyman cinema. If you haven’t been, it’s a high-end experience with food and drink served to you in your very luxurious seat. The ticket cost £20 so it’s not cheap but I was on my own, in good form and keen to see this film.
My biggest complaint that day was a nasty head cold that lasted a couple of weeks. All told, not a bad way to spend a late afternoon in autumnal London.
The film in question was Digger. If you’ve heard of it, seen it or stayed away from it, you’ll know that this is one of the most divisive and much-talked-about movies of the year. The main selling point was Tom Cruise looking like anything but Tom Cruise. In fact, he resembles a shambolic character from Fr Ted or D’Unbelievables. Big belly, bad comb-over, etc.
That alone had me curious as there’s always talk of an Oscar when handsome/pretty people dress down to look like the rest of us. John Goodman, Riz Ahmed and Jesse Plemons are in it, and I rate them all very highly, so I really thought I was in for a treat.
Pic: IMBD
The rot set in about ten minutes in, and I found myself doing two things we should never have to do often. The first was my puzzled head and furrowed brow, both reflecting my confusion as to what the hell (I used stronger language on the day) was going on. The story was making no sense.
The second issue was that I couldn’t suspend my disbelief, that magical feeling where you forget you’re in a building watching flickering images as you’re so immersed and lost in the story. All I was doing was looking at the acting. I could see them all acting. It’s the same with reading when you’re not lost in the story, as the writing is so awful.
So there I was looking at this ham-fest and wondering whether this was the film to break me? Would this be the moment where I grabbed my coat and walked into the crisp city air and an unexpected few hours to myself?
DIGGER, Tom Cruise, 2026. © Warner Bros. / courtesy Everett Collection
Digger – 2026
Well, I gave it another half an hour, during which I spent most of my time having an existential conversation that went a little like this: – Ryan, how old are you? – I’m 53 years old. – And do you believe in free will? – Of course, and more so as I get older. Why?
Because you don’t have to be here.
You mean I can leave? Just walk out?
Yep. You look miserable. – It’s just the film is so bad. – Well, it’s your call. I know what I’d do.
Do you know what? You’re right. I’m out of here.
And with that beautiful, cathartic moment of reflection, I picked up my jacket and wandered with great intent to the exit and onto the streets of London.
I felt a bit robbed of money and time but I also felt liberated and a little proud of myself for not putting up with a poor movie-going experience. I hope I don’t have to do it too often but if it feels right, I’ll bail.
DIGGER, Tom Cruise, 2026. © Warner Bros. / courtesy Everett Collection
Digger – 2026
On Digger itself, I have heard people say it’s a wonderful, thoughtful and clever satire (did they actually see the same film?) and more worryingly some say it will become a cult classic (never a good sign with the honourable exception of Withnail and I).
I suppose the truth is that this could be the best film you’ll ever see and it was simply not for me. Maybe it was the head cold. Perhaps it was the pricey ticket. Or it could just be a bad movie starring talented actors.
At this point, I leave the ball firmly in your court.