Dear Eric: My cousin recently passed away after a long hospitalization. We were very close. I sent a sympathy card with money to the family, but I was sent the money back. I have never heard of this happening in my life. What do you make of this?
I talked to other family members, and their money wasn’t returned to them. I’ve sent out a lot of cards with money in them. We have a large family. I never received money back before this.
Can you advise me on this? I’m having a hard time understanding this. Am I wrong to question this action?
– Returned Gift
Dear Gift: I’ve heard of people who, in the immediate aftermath of the death of a loved one, find themselves inundated with casseroles. Pyrex as far as the eye can see. It’s a kindness that sometimes stretches the limits of their appetites and their freezers. I wonder if something similar happened with your kindness. Perhaps the sentiment was appreciated but the family found they’d received enough money to cover the expenses and wanted you to be able to spend your money elsewhere.
Now, this is just conjecture. It would have been wise of them to send a note. “Thank you so much. We have more than we need, and your love, so we’re returning your kind gift to you with that same love.” Something like that.
Since no note was provided, it’s fine to ask. Frame it as a curiosity, which is what it seems to be. “I was surprised to get the money I sent back. I’m not insulted, but I was wondering why. Can you help me understand?”
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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