Beef
I watched the first series of this thinking it would be about the delicious foodstuff namechecked by the title. It was, in fact, an enjoyably dark and deranged comedy about two characters, played by Ali Wong and Steven Yeun, who, after a road-rage incident, spiral into an obsessive feud, aka what elderly millennials call “a beef”. The next series stars a whole new cast, fronted by Carey Mulligan and Oscar Isaac. Succulent bovine meats have not been ruled out. Netflix, from Thursday, April 16th
The Boys from Brazil
Tired of royals, the creator of The Crown, Peter Morgan, pivots to Nazis in this adaptation of Ira Levin’s bestselling 1970s novel about a Nazi plan to clone Hitler. Ooh, those Nazis are always up to something! Beaten to the punch somewhat by the Trump administration (just stick a black square on Stephen Miller’s upper lip to see what I mean), this adaptation will surely be considered dangerous hate speech against Nazis by the new wave of Nazis by the time it comes out, later this year. Netflix
The Pitt
The Pitt: Noah Wyle as Dr Michael Robinavitch. Photograph: HBO
A medical drama starring Noah Wyle, famous for playing a dreamy clinician (Dr Sextopholous P Sexdoctor or Prof Erotico Hunkstable or something) in another long-running medical drama (Ooh Err, I think it was called). The Pitt has been lauded for its realism but has not been available on this side of the roiling sea just yet, possibly because of tariffs. The first and second series will apparently be on over here later in 2026, depending, I guess, on what happens in Greenland. Sky Atlantic
Rivals
Riding. Posh people. Bums. Class satire. Bums. 1980s costumery. Mickeys. Genteel Thatcherism. Ireland’s own Victoria Smurfit. Bums. Ireland’s own Aidan Turner. Danny Dyer’s bum. More riding. Originally from the pen of the late great Jilly Cooper, this adaptation is filth. Pure filth. It’s back later this year. I’ll keep you posted so you can, um, avoid it. Disney+
Wonder Man
Wonder Man: Ben Kingsley as Trevor Slattery and Yahya Adbul-Mateen II as Simon Williams/Wonder Man. Photograph: Suzanne Tenner/Marvel/Disney+
Marvel: “Finally, someone is making a TV series about the beloved superhero Wonder Man.”
You: “Who?”
Marvel: “Wonder Man! You know, Wonder Man. We all love Wonder Man. I talk about him all the time. With the thing and the stuff and the yokes?”
You: “I’ve never heard of him. And I’ve never heard you talk about him.”
Marvel: “I talk about him all the time!” [Whispering] “Look, I’m going to be straight with you: I have no idea who Wonder Man is either.”
You: “Right. And yet you’re making it anyway.”
Marvel: “Late capitalism, baby!” [high-fives a passing executive].
You: “I thought late capitalism indicated systemic overextension, decadence and collapse?”
Marvel: “No, silly. ‘Late capitalism, baby!’ is Wonder Man’s catchphrase!”
Disney+, from Wednesday, January 28th
Euphoria
With the name-poor superstar Zendaya, the alliterative culture-war icon Sydney Sweeney, the lanky exclamatory scamp Jacob “Oh Lordy” Elordi and, probably, Dame Judi Dench, all playing teenagers, Euphoria was beginning to stretch credibility. It’s probably good that this third series jumps a few years. Euphoria exists in the same slightly hallucinatory, fantastical teenage netherworld that the UK show Skins existed in. Often beautifully scripted, filmed and acted, it was also disturbingly voyeuristic in how it treated its young stars. So I’m not sure what to expect now that the characters are older and the stars are superstars. Sky Atlantic, from Monday, April 13th
Pride and Prejudice
Pride and Prejudice: Emma Corrin, Freya Mavor, Oliva Colman, Hopey Parish and Hollie Avery. Photograph: Ludovic Robert/Netflix
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a streamer in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a good prestige drama.” And so it is that Netflix hires the novelist Dolly Alderton and the Heartstopper director Euros Lyn to adapt Jane Austen. I mean, why not? You think Euphoria is edgy, with its explicit sex and drug taking? Pshaw. ’Tis but a story for babies. How about a show in which a mother pimps out her kids to wealthy neighbours so that the family doesn’t starve? That’s drama. (They should really do a Mrs Bennett spin-off about the anti-heroic legend she actually is.) Netflix
How to Get to Heaven from Belfast
How to Get to Heaven from Belfast: Sinéad Keenan, Caoilfhionn Dunne and Róisín Gallagher. Photograph: Christopher Barr/Netflix
The excellent Lisa McGee helms a post-Derry Girls mystery romp about a group of young women investigating a murder. Its excellent cast includes Róisín Gallagher, Sinéad Keenan and Caoilfhionn Dunne. Rather controversially, her heroes are from Belfast this time, not Derry. This is potentially the most divisive thing to happen to the Six Counties since Brexit. Netflix, from Thursday, February 12th
The Dry
They should have shown the new series of Nancy Harris’s very entertaining funny/sad show, featuring Róisín Gallagher, in January, in order to make a promotional meal of Dry January. Sadly, nobody listens to me, because I’m too handsome. RTÉ One/ITVX
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: New Sunnydale
The original Buffy series was a television revolution, blending comedy, genre horror and teen drama while innovating with silent and musical episodes. It’s hard to tell what this sequel will look like, given that the original showrunner, Joss Whedon, won’t be involved (he has been cancelled for allegedly toxic behaviour) and given that many of the show’s innovations are now cliches of US telly (we’re drowning in preternaturally wise, pop-culture-referencing teenagers). On the plus side, its original star, Sarah Michelle Gellar (now in her 80s) has returned, and Nora and Lilla Zuckerman are executive-producing. (Lilla Zuckerman was showrunner of the excellent Poker Face). Disney+
Falling
Falling: Keeley Hawes and Paapa Essiedu as Anna and David. Photograph: Robert Viglasky/Channel 4
With the success of the forbidden-love drama Heated Rivalry, I have a good feeling (this is not a euphemism) about Jack Thorne’s Falling. Keeley Hawes plays a nun, Paapa Essiedu plays a priest, and they fall in love. Sacrilicious! Channel 4
And if that wasn’t enough from the excellent Adolescence showrunner, he’s also adapting …
Lord of the Flies
Lord of the Flies: David McKenna as Piggy and Winston Sawyers as Ralph. Photograph: J Redza/Eleven/BBC
Aka my nephews on a good day. William Golding’s disturbing tale of shipwrecked schoolboys torn between order and murderous chaos is just a night babysitting for me. But it might also be a metaphor that’s a bit too on the nose given the state of the political class. With luck the empathy Thorne has shown elsewhere means he’s not going to delve too much into misanthropy. BBC One
Blue Planet III
“Look at that majestic creature!” we cry, referring to the documentarymaking centenarian and international treasure David Attenborough. The sea creatures are also interesting. BBC One
Neuromancer
I’m the perfect audience for this adaptation of the classic William Gibson cyberpunk novel. Me and a whole five other people. Apple doesn’t care. Making extremely costly high-concept sci-fi shows that they barely promote is its passion. Invasion, Foundation, Silo: it has a sick fetish for spending money. Some of its excellent shows, such as Severance and Pluribus, have become successful despite Apple’s attempts to bury them. But I imagine someone at Apple TV got fired over that. Anyway, whoever runs Apple TV is a stone-cold lunatic, and I love them. Apple TV