‘I didn’t recognise myself in the images’

Gisèle Pelicot spent years trying to understand memory loss and physical symptoms, fearing at one point that she was developing a serious neurological condition.

The horrifying truth only became clear when she was shown photos by French police officers, she told Prime Time.

Ms Pelicot, now considered by many to be a feminist icon, had been drugged by her then-husband over many years and raped by multiple men while unconscious. Her then-husband took videos and photographs of the attacks.

“I didn’t realise straight away that was me on those photographs, because I didn’t recognise myself” she said. “Later, my brain kind of disassociated. I wasn’t able to accept the reality of what was going on.”

Ms Pelicot chose to waive her legal entitlement to anonymity at the subsequent trial and speak publicly, saying she did so to try to ensure when it comes to sexual offences “shame must change sides.”

The trial led to the conviction of 51 men, who were mainly identified through the videos and images on her then-husband’s phone. Other attackers have never been identified.

Speaking to Miriam O’Callaghan in a wide-ranging interview to be broadcast on Prime Time on RTÉ One at 9.35pm, Ms Pelicot said she had earlier feared she had brain cancer. Her mother died of the disease when Ms Pelicot was nine years old.

“Everybody thought maybe I was having a stroke, that I was incredibly anxious. And gynecologists as well, they didn’t realise what was happening to me. They said I had infections,” she said.

It was only after her ex-husband, to whom she had been married to for more than 50 years, was arrested on suspicion of secretly filming women under their skirts in a local supermarket that the true nature of what had been happening began to emerge.

When police examined Dominique Pelicot’s devices in late 2020, they uncovered thousands of images and videos showing Ms Pelicot being raped and abused while unconscious, over a period of at least a decade.

“I felt it was absolutely impossible for him to have done something as awful as that because I didn’t believe that was the man with whom I shared my life,” she said.

“The [police officer] said he was going to show me things that wouldn’t please me, and he started to show me one, two, three photographs, and then it stopped because at that point I said, ‘please stop,’” she said.

At first, she believed the images had been manipulated using editing software.

“Your brain finds ways of defending yourself and thinking those things are not possible. When I realised really what he’d done, my image of him was totally destroyed, and it not only affected me, but it affected of course also my children.

“I couldn’t imagine that I’d lived with a rapist, and I think that’s also the case for a certain number of women,” she said.

When the case eventually went to court, Ms Pelicot made the decision to waive her anonymity after careful consideration.

“It took me time before making that decision,” she said. “I first all had to build myself again because after discovering what had happened I felt destroyed. I had lost everything. I had to learn who I was, and would I be able to face it?”

She said her children’s desire for her to speak openly was also a factor in her decision.

“At the time I said ‘no’ to the children, but then over time I thought potentially it could be useful – that shame must change sides. And I’ve never regretted the choice I’ve made.”

Ms Pelicot said the trial itself was difficult, describing how she faced accusations that she had been a willing participant — something she rejected outright.

“They were difficult because when you’re a victim, you’re not culpable.”

Her former husband was tried alongside 50 other men, all of whom were found guilty of at least one charge, though many received shorter sentences than prosecutors had sought.

Dominique Pelicot was found guilty of all charges and sentenced to the maximum 20 years in prison for aggravated rape. He was also found guilty of taking indecent images of his daughter, Caroline, and his daughters-in-law, Aurore and Celine.

“He had a hidden camera. That really upsets me because she [Caroline] was totally devastated, and she still doesn’t have any answers. I hope she will get some answers from her father because she’s also pressing charges against him. I’m very proud of what she’s done.”

Gisèle Pelicot has since written about her experience in her memoir A Hymn to Life, in which she reflects on the trauma she endured and her path towards rebuilding her life.

She said victims should not feel ashamed, and encouraged those affected to speak to someone they trust and seek support.

“If you’re a victim of rape, not only are you [often] ashamed, but you’re also going through an enormous amount of solitude, you feel totally isolated and you mustn’t isolate yourself.

“I received thousands of letters that gave me this strength. These women confided in me and who told me that they also had been victims, so I was connected to all those women, and I thought, ‘okay, let’s fight together.’

“They gave me a lot of strength, and I still thank them today,” she said.

While she says her life was irreparably damaged in certain ways, she has since found happiness again, describing how it is still possible to “believe in happiness” despite what she has been through.

“This way of operating, this resilience, it’s part of my DNA for sure, because I had rolemodels, my grandmother, my mother, my father, and they always try to stand up straight despite dramas and despite sadness, and I think that they are what made me today.”

Miriam O’Callaghan’s full interview with Gisèle Pelicot, produced by Lucinda Glynn, is broadcast on Prime Time on 24 February at 9.35pm on RTÉ One and the RTÉ Player.

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this report, support and information are available at rte.ie/helplines.