There is a lot of conversation about whether technology is good or bad for relationships.
That question has never felt especially useful to me.
As a scholar of family and interpersonal communication, I aim to study relationships as they are actually lived. Most close relationships today are performed across multiple modalities. A daughter who still lives at home may text her mother throughout the day about how school is going. A couple sitting on the same couch may send each other links to funny videos. Digital communication is not separate from “real” life; it is often an inherent part of the relational landscape.
But when a daughter leaves for college, something shifts.
Mediated communication is no longer just one channel among many. Between visits home, it becomes the primary way the relationship is enacted.
That shift is what led me to this study.
At the time, I was in graduate school in California, 2,234 miles from my hometown. Face-to-face conversations with my mom became rare. Texting, phone calls, and FaceTime were no longer supplemental; they were the relationship between visits.
My advisor’s daughter had just moved out to attend college in a different city. We were suddenly both navigating long-distance mother-daughter relationships from different roles—one as a daughter, one as a mother. Our conversations kept circling the same questions: How much contact feels supportive? When does it feel intrusive? What changes when proximity disappears?
Rather than debating whether technology was helping or hurting, we became curious about something more basic: How are mothers and daughters actually using it when distance becomes part of the relationship?
Listening to Mothers and Daughters Talk to Each Other
As part of my dissertation research, I analyzed Zoom conversations with 126 mother-daughter pairs during the daughter’s first year of college. The daughters were current college students living away from their mothers.
Pairs were asked to talk directly to each other about how they were using technology to stay connected—and what had changed since the move. The data showed a recalibration in the relationship, but the value of everyday contact remained central.
Everyday Talk as Relational Continuity
When daughters move away, families lose shared physical space.
What many dyads tried to recreate was not constant emotional intensity, but a sense of steady continuity.
Mothers and daughters repeatedly described brief, ordinary exchanges: photos, memes, “good morning” texts, quick updates about grades or social stressors. These small messages allowed them to remain embedded in one another’s daily lives.
Texting was central because it is sustainable. Pairs could connect alongside work, classes, and shifting schedules without having to be available at the same time.
In many of these conversations, closeness was less about depth in any single interaction and more about rhythm across time.
When Presence Feels Important
Video chat played a different role.
Many dyads described FaceTime as the closest approximation to being physically together. Seeing facial expressions and hearing tone offered reassurance and nuance that text could not.
At the same time, richer forms of communication sometimes intensified emotion. Some daughters described feeling more homesick after video calls. Some mothers described feeling the distance more acutely.
Families were not choosing one modality over another. They were moving between them depending on what the relationship needed in that moment.
Ambient Awareness and Reassurance
Some maintenance practices were passive: Location tracking apps were often framed as reassurance rather than surveillance. Mothers described checking a location late at night and feeling relief without initiating a conversation. Daughters, for the most part, expressed understanding of their mothers’ desire for that reassurance.
Family Dynamics Essential Reads
Social media viewership functioned similarly. Scrolling through posts allowed mothers and daughters to feel informed without requiring direct disclosure.
These practices complicate simple narratives about control or detachment. In these conversations, they were described as ways of managing uncertainty during a developmental transition.
Development and Distance
One of the most interesting findings had less to do with technology itself. Many mothers and daughters described feeling closer during the first year of college than they had previously.
Some attributed that to technology’s ability to sustain regular contact. Others attributed it to maturity and shifting relational roles. Daughters described being less reactive. Mothers described stepping back in ways that supported autonomy.
Often, it was both. Physical distance created space. Communication became more intentional. The relationship felt more adult.
Technology did not create that developmental change, but it provided the infrastructure through which it was negotiated.
Beyond “Good” or “Bad”
If there is one thing this study underscores, it is that the question is not whether technology is good or bad for families; it is already woven into how families relate.
The more useful question is how people are using it—and how those uses align with their relational needs, boundaries, and stage of life.
When mediated communication becomes the primary bridge between visits home, families enact closeness in the ways that are accessible to them at that moment.
And what these 126 conversations suggest is that, for many mother-daughter pairs, staying close during the college transition depends on whether they can recreate the everyday sense of being in each other’s lives.