So far, Mike’s loquaciousness had created plenty of distractions, but no real problems; this week, it goes from harmless to malicious. Whatever capacity Mike does have for dedication is going into fashioning himself a reality television character, rather than into turning over cabins or wiping the deck. He observed the Housewives and learned a valuable lesson: One of the surest paths to plot relevance — and to inciting the audience’s ire, which in turn feeds engagement — is to get in the middle of some shit that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Bravo, Mikey!
In the morning, the first thing Jenna says to her cabinmates, Alesia and Betul, is that Eddy was all over her the previous night, which led to kissing. Quick pause here to acknowledge Betul’s complete lack of involvement in any drama, an indifferent queen whose only complaint is that her bosses make her take breaks. Okay, moving on: Alesia brushes Jenna and Eddy’s kiss off as “just banter”; he would’ve kissed anyone. Despite the obvious jealousy of that reaction, Alesia sounds more reasonable in the hard light of a hungover morning. She admits she crossed a line texting Eddy, regardless of how much her boyfriend might “love” that she’s “a flirt.” Even then, she would’ve been forgiven for thinking that it was just a drunken, forgettable mistake. Nothing really happened between her and Eddy, so surely, it shouldn’t matter that much.
What she couldn’t have foreseen is that her texting would feed the first rumor mill of the season. Working on cabins, Mike provokes Alesia by saying that if he were her boyfriend, he would “be fuming.” But Alesia, who has never had much patience for Mike in the first place, doesn’t bite; she shuts him down. In the meantime, after apologizing to Jenna for their sloppy make-out, Eddy discovers the texts he exchanged with Alesia, which he was apparently too drunk to remember sending. He reads them to João, then tells Mike about them. Alesia finds the three of them outside as they’re talking about her. Mike confronts Alesia about texting Eddy. At first, she admits that she flirts to “make [herself] feel better,” then realizes she owes nothing whatsoever to Mike, who is neither her boyfriend nor Eddy. She tells him to get back to work and stop meddling in people’s business. Their argument gets so loud that even Daisy and Jason can hear them.
After Daisy has ordered Mike to “stay out of it” and told Alesia that her reaction was way over the top, Jason teases her in the lounge: “How is Mama Bear going?” Daisy’s strategy with Mike has always been to treat him like a misbehaved child, which works insofar as scolding an incorrigible child does. As soon as she turns her back, Mike tells Jenna that Eddy was messaging Alesia the previous night. Not only did his boss just tell him to stay out of it, but in spreading this gossip, he is also making his alleged friend look bad — now Jenna is ticked off at Eddy, whom she feels “used her” to make Alesia jealous. I thought surely Mike was inserting himself into this love triangle because he’s not getting any attention. But even that doesn’t explain his behavior, since he has deluded himself into believing that Ellie wants “to get down and dirty” with him. It’s honestly amazing to watch this guy. We’re only three charters in — what more could he have in store for us?
For her part, Ellie still has her sights set on João, which is another delusion. When, in the evening, he asks everyone in the crew mess to have a glass of wine on the dock, Ellie — the only one with energy and motive enough to join — interprets it as a romantic advance. This is puzzling because he pointedly asked Daisy to come in front of Ellie. She is shocked when João shows up outside with Alesia. Ellie stomps back to the crew mess to whine about it to Jenna and Ben. Through the monitor, they see João hugging Alesia. They miss the context that Alesia told João she was feeling “emotionally drained,” and he offered some support. Egged on by Jenna, who thinks Alesia is being “loosey-goosey” about her relationship, Ellie snaps a photo of the pair, vowing to send it to Alesia’s boyfriend. I wish I could say with certainty that she wouldn’t do that…
No one is more surprised than I that João is such an innocent party in all of this. If he is proof that people can change after watching themselves behave abominably on television, here’s hoping Mike will watch back the season. For now, Daisy and João — who have been doing a great job in terms of departmental alignment — sit him down for a good ol’ talking-to: He needs to work more, talk less, and stop gossiping. Catastrophizing somewhat, João tells him that he could get fired at any time. In a confessional, Mike tells us that he really needs this yachting thing to work out — nothing else, from the military to OnlyFans, has “stuck.”
At least Ben got 10 hours of sleep. In the morning, he is determined to organize the galley once and for all and tackle the new charter with a more positive mindset. This optimism turns into despair not one second into the organizing effort, when Ben discovers that his oven is out of commission. The engineer takes a look at it, but the part they need to fix the vent is out of stock, so the supplier has to send a brand new oven. The only problem is that it won’t be there for another three days, so Ben will have to go through the charter with no oven. It’s the last thing he needs, especially given the guests that are about to come onboard. We see Mecca and Joi, the co-primaries, preparing a venue for an event for their lifestyle magazine, Pynk. Mecca, a self-described “Birkin-wearing, Bentley-driving” lady, is adamant that she wants to “see” the money she drops in a vacation — meaning, she wants a six-course black-tie dinner and some bang for her buck. It sounds pretty reasonable until we witness her method for achieving this vision.
As the prep day before the guests’ arrival winds down, Ben tells João about Ellie’s reaction to the wine mix-up in their cabin. João wonders if he should text her to clarify things, but Ben’s motto, borrowed from the Queen, is “never complain, never explain.” For his own part in the boatmance landscape, Ben is slightly jealous that Jenna and Eddy kissed, though he knows his focus should be on work. Besides, he just got out of a bad situation with his ex-fiancé, so he’s not looking to start a new mess. Jenna takes it upon herself to clear things up with Alesia, who insists “there is no me and Eddy,” though she does tell her about the texts, which Jenna pretends not to know about. Alesia shows her the texts on the condition that it will squash the subject for once and for all. Jenna’s perfect reaction is that the two of them deserve each other; she wants no part in their “cringe, toxic behavior.”
In the morning of pick-up day, the subject does seem squashed. Alesia and Mike call a truce, but he still can’t stop himself from telling Eddy that Jenna read the messages, which is information he got from Jenna herself. Later in the day, as they’re waiting for guests to arrive for their beach lunch, Jenna and Eddy start to talk about the whole thing — Eddy apologizes for being so drunk, he’s sorry, he didn’t mean it like that, etc, but Jenna is firm: she feels like a pawn in his game with Alesia — but their conversation is interrupted by the guests’ arrival.
But before all else, the boat needs to leave the dock. In doing so, the lines towing the tenders get crossed, which causes an issue for João and Mike. João is putting in a lot of work this season, dramatizing the hiccups of the deck team — “We are fucked!”, “We need to fix this in seconds,” and other things of the like — which is a much better role for him than the one of Jerk. He asks Jason to idle for a few seconds while they reset, but it’s impossible. Mike, suddenly alive, comes up with a solution on how to untangle the lines. His “engineering instincts kicked in.” He has those?
Meanwhile, the guests, who have literally just arrived five minutes ago, are already acting up. They are hungry. Daisy suggests a 2 p.m. lunch, but they want lunch now. Ben, making good on the promise to lead with a better mindset, agrees to move lunch up 45 minutes and appease the guests with canapes in the meantime. At this point, it’s 12:45, and lunch is set for 1:15, so the guests would only have to wait half an hour for their meal. But they want to eat right this minute: every time Daisy brings up a spring roll, they ask for another one. With unbelievable condescension, Mecca says to the chief stew: “Daisy can make anything happen, so we’re just going to ask, and you’re just going to deliver.”
While the guests munch on smoked salmon and mascarpone, Mike, Jenna, and Eddy head out for the picnic. Daisy and João agree they have to make the most out of Mike’s strengths, which amount to buttering up the guests. Even after the spring rolls and the salmon, these ladies are still starving. At 1:30, they head to the beach, where the crew — working as a team and thinking ahead — has set them up with snacks. At 1:38, Ben has lunch plated, wrapped up, and ready to go. By 1:47, they’re eating, so even though lunch was originally set for 1:15, they only ended up having to wait a bit longer than 10 minutes, which is the best timing Ben has managed yet. And they love the food!
Maybe Ben, being a chef, needs this kind of pressure to thrive. But after Jason advises him to speak with the guests about dinner, in order to better prepare for their expectations, the pressure only seems to discombobulate him further. They agree on more spring rolls and braised short rib, but Mecca also requests a “whole snapper” for the pescetarians, which might be tricky without the oven, and Ben’s absolute best dessert. He half-heartedly suggests a take on an apple pie. The preview makes it seem like it’s going to be a disaster, but I wonder if production is just pulling one of their old tricks on us, faking us out. I hope for Ben they are…
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