Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Everett Collection, Target

As we know from our time in the Wicked-merch trenches, a movie studio will take any opportunity for a tacky promotional moment. The Devil Wears Prada 2 is less than two months away, and we’re starting to see how much stuff we can buy to prove our allegiance to Miranda Priestly and Andy Sachs. Kendall Jenner is taking meetings at the Runway offices in L’Oréal ads; movie theaters are advertising purse-shaped popcorn buckets; and soon you’ll be able to buy DWP2-branded Diet Coke. But where is the fashion tie-in? Well, it’s at Target, and it’s hideous.

Earlier this week, Target released a ton of Devil Wears Prada–themed apparel on its website. It’s unclear if this is an official movie tie-in or the store cashing in on the upcoming sequel by licensing the name, but either way, we must discuss. Nothing from the line is inspired by the original movie’s fashion with the retailer opting instead to throw a bunch of quotes on some sweatshirts and call it a day.

For example, here is a crop top emblazoned with Miranda’s signature burn, “Florals? For spring? Groundbreaking.” With all due respect to the person who designed this, it looks like they were given ten minutes and a Canva login.

But movie theaters are often chilly, so maybe you’d like something that can keep you nice and warm while you watch Andy ride around on a boat in Lake Como. How about this sweatshirt, which is clearly just a preexisting product shot from the film’s poster slapped on in Photoshop?

If you can believe it, that is actually one of the least offensive hoodie offerings from the collection. It might as well be The Row compared to these two:

What would Miranda Priestly do? Probably drop dead after learning that her name was being used to peddle a cotton-polyster-blend cropped hoodie.

The shirts and hoodies, while ugly, at least make some sort of sense. People often wear their affection for a piece of media on their shirt. What doesn’t make sense are these knee-length sweatshorts:

I’m racking my brain trying to figure out an occasion for which these make sense. The only answer I have is that you might one day be invited to a party where the dress code is Clothes You Bought While Not of Sound Mind. In that scenario, these would slay.

Worst of all is this shirt, which takes inspiration from Miranda’s famous monologue about cerulean.

Let’s ignore the fact that this represents something a tier below the “tragic Casual Corner” Miranda references in her speech. Why is this shirt black? To be fair, Target is offering the same design in some shades of blue but, crucially, none of them are actually cerulean. This is verging on disrespectful to the movie, Meryl Streep, and me.

We’ve barely even scratched the surface here. Would you like a shirt that just says “Fashion” and has a couple of illustrations of Andy’s looks from the movie? Maybe your teen is interested in a tank top that says, “You’re not going to Paris”? How about a crewneck sweatshirt that says “New York City” with little cartoons of Miranda and Andy? There are six pages of this on Target’s website.

But, of course, this is for someone. If you have a feeling that your mom would actually love a “What Would Miranda Priestly Do?” shirt, hold steady. It costs $16.99 now, but give it a couple weeks and Target might even pay you just to get it out of its warehouse.

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