Quick recap from Siobhán. If only faithful are left at the end, they get the loot. If there’s a traitor among them, the conspirators walk away with the dosh.

Back to the show …

Side-eye from Kelley as she suggests Paudie recruited Nick and Nick nods along. And now the round table. Can you taste the tension?

Laura Slattery is reporting from the Clayton Hotel

Irish wolfhounds, hooded people in gold masks and RTÉ director general Kevin Bakhurst are all in attendance at an RTÉ screening of the finale in Clayton Hotel Ballsbridge.

The cast — including the final five — and host Siobhán McSweeney are the guests of honour at the event, compered by Uncloaked presenter Kevin McGahern.

RTÉ and the producers, Kite Entertainment, have been toasting a massive hit for the broadcaster, with commissioning editor Gráinne McAleer, describing the series as being “like 12 All-Irelands” in terms of viewer ratings.

They’ve bagged the ten grand – which is good. Aaaand they’re singing ole, ole, ole – which is bad. Now Nick is trying to turn Kelley in the car journey back to the castle. It’s like Game of Thrones with added estate agent.

The challenges are always a bit of filler. But at least this one has decent production values. That tower looks spectacular.

They’re talking to a man on a walkie talkie. Now there’s a helicopter. Carry on like this and there won’t be any money left for another of Siobhán’s statement capes. Just to reiterate I have no idea what’s going on: I have unleashed the Wilkin within.

Ooh cinematic drone shots of the players pegging it across the countryside in their huge golf-carts. That’s one fifth of the budget gone right there. And now they’re in a dungeon. They see an orc guarding a chest. Only joking – Vanessa has found clues leading to the next elements. Is anyone following this?

It’s all gone a bit ZX Spectrum text adventure. They’re looking for crystals to unlock a spire – I’m having flashbacks to that time I was locked in the goblins’ dungeon playing The Hobbit.

We’ve reached the first ad break. What do we think of Nick and Ben’s plan to separate Vanessa and Oyin by turning Kelley against Vanessa? It was all tears and hugs at the last supper the previous evening – but the traitors are ruthless out of the gate tonight. This could turn nasty. Who am I kidding. This WILL turn nasty.

The last mission. Siobhán in another statement ruff – and ten grand potentially added to the pot. She explains the mission – something to do with the elements. I’m not sure the players understand. I certainly don’t.

“I know it has to be one of the boys. I’m just trying to figure out which one,’ says Kelley. Then the penny drops. “Is it there a chance it’s both of them?”

Oyin isn’t buying it. “I would jump in the river she says.” Oh Oyin – can’t you see?

Vanessa has arrived for brekkie. “The highs are really highs, the lows are so low,” she says. She sounds traumatised – as she would having faced down round table truth bombs from Joanna and Faye over the last two round tables.

Enter Nick, the estate agent who has been selling himself as Mr Trustworthy over the past three weeks. He and Ben have a plan – persuade Kelley to vote Vanessa out at the round table. Devious. But will it work?

Aah, we begin with an emotional flashback to the start of the series. How innocent and hopeful they look. Except for Wilkin. He was just giving us peak Wilkin from the outset.

We open with creepy music, Siobhán sounding severe…and breakfast. “I didn’t think I’d make it this far,” says Oyin. Too modest! Viewers had her tagged as one of the sharpest faithful from the start.

Daggers at the ready, here we go. May the best faithful or traitor win. Actually could they just bring back Paudie and give him the money. Who would object? Aside from Ben and Nick, who weirdly have yet to receive their own portmanteau (Bicholas? Brick?)

As we prepare to visit Traitors Castle for the last time, it as good a moment as any to look back at the highlights and lowpoints of the season.

Where to start? The Nick and Ben bromance becoming a “bow-mance” when they mimed pinging a target with their arrows of truth.

Paudie’s “I’m not a hugger” speech – the Gettysburg Address of auld fella banter… We could go on – but, much like Wilkin at the round table, we’re just going to sit in silence for a while instead.

Welcome to the Irish Times’ coverage of the final of The Traitors Ireland. This is your last warning before the backstabbing begins for the final time (sob).