DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law drives me bonkers. It started when our son (her only grandchild) was born. She is obsessed with him. We live in different states, and during our most recent visit there, she kept pressuring my son to come back on his own for two or three weeks. She constantly voices her opinions loudly in his presence, whether they are about schools we are considering, extracurricular activities, etc., and she is nasty about things she doesn’t agree with. She also interrupts everyone and has no interest in anything that may be important to others if it doesn’t have an impact on her. An example: I was asked to lead a local nonprofit organization. She promptly sneered about the organization, offering not one word of support.

I would be happy to never see her again while still encouraging my son to have a relationship with her. However, HE’S the one who doesn’t want to visit her without me and his dad, so it’s not US saying no. My husband (her only child) tries his best, but she’s his mom and he’s caught in the middle. Have you any idea how to handle this difficult relationship? — NEEDLED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR NEEDLED: No law states that you must send your son to visit your husband’s mother if he doesn’t want to go. Because your husband isn’t strong enough to be the “bad guy,” it will be up to you to tell her that your son (I assume he’s still quite young and can’t speak for himself) will not be visiting unless it is part of a family unit. When she gives you an argument (and she probably will), be polite and stand firm.

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