Mother has returned! Vivacious is back in the Drag Race werkroom and all is right in the world yet again. The war in Iran ceased. Gas prices dropped to twenty cents a gallon. JD Vance retained so much water he exploded.

It’s a great day to be an American. Happy 250th, baby girl! [firework display appears in sky]

Hyperbole aside, this week we’ve been introduced to a new group of queens looking for MVQ points and the chance to take the crown.

This bracket includes:

Vivacious (again, thank GOD) and April Carrion returning from season 6,

Selina Estittes and Aura Mayari from season 15,

Crystal Methyd from season 12, and

Silky Nutmeg Ganache from season 11, All-Stars 6, Canada vs. the World season 1, The Price is Right season 29 and CBS’s Kid Nation. 

Now, before anything, Silky starts off the episode with an excellent argument for returning queens: pageant girls love to compete, so why not continue to go from the crown in such a highly beneficial and televised fashion? She boiled down her want to return so efficiently, it’s hard to argue with.

Many “fans”—which is arguably too positive a word for how they act on social media—hate to see queens return to All-Star numerous times, but why not? They get the exposure and the chance to scratch their competitive itch. Who cares?

After their entrances, the new crop of girls link up to perform original songs. Silky (begrudgingly) and Vivacious go for a rap heavy track, Aura and Crystal go more theatrical, and April and Selina choose a 90s R&B throwback.

The decision of who would end up with which track was rather tense, as four girls immediately tried for the R&B track. After Crystal quickly bowed out, which was the right decision, the trio of Silky, April, and Selina started trying to convince each other why they deserved the opportunity. (The best part of the argument? They all lost the challenge!)

While the previous bracket was strategic, this first episode for the new block was gung-ho for creating alliances. Everyone was asking for coalitions to ensure they’d receive MVQ points, whether or not they were in the top for each challenge.

At a certain point, I expected Selina to walk off set and bribe the camera operators to just steal the points for her. She is ready to be aligned and I kind of live for it.

After some time in the recording studio (a microphone rolled on stage like when your teacher would roll in a TV cart and throw on a Bill Nye VHS) with Michelle Visage, the pairs head to the main stage to perform their tracks:

Silky and Vivacious are, honestly, exactly what you expect. The lyrics are fun and don’t adhere to the Drag Race stereo types (“Yes, Mama Ru, I am here for the crown. I’m gonna win this bitch, don’t you dare let me down!”), but the difference between the queens’ energy is noticeable to a fault. While nicely written, Vivacious is trepidacious. Can you blame her? It has been 12 years! Silky is Silky: energy that is so unfocused, it becomes counterintuitive. A lack of refinement. 

April and Selina are next with their actually great R&B number. Kudos to the production for giving each duet some great staging, making each performance feel unique and special. Unfortunately, Selina overshadowed April by a long shot. The comfort on stage was killer and her embodiment of that late 90s swagger was so delightful. April was present on stage. Good for her!

Aura and Crystal stole the show with their theatrical and kinetic performance of “Hoes before Bros”. When Aura began the episode, she called out her cringe queen moniker, but it worked in this performance. All her big choices added to the energy of the number. Luckily, for my Crystal loving self, Miss Methyd delivered in spades, matching the energy and performing the best she ever has on the mainstage. I believe Season 12 is one of the show’s best, and my own personal favorite, so seeing Crystal shine is a thrill.

After judging, the winning pair is Aura and Crystal. W

hile the other pairs had one stand out, these queens excelled as a pair. Their lip sync to “Enough is Enough” was fun, though Aura went back to cringe. It felt a bit like a straight actor being cast in a biopic about a drag queen and having to recreate the basic lip sync motions on the main stage.

Crystal went specific, highlighting the song’s emotion and her extra limbs, picking up the win. Crystal Hive, we rise at dawn.

She Done Already Done Had Herses:

Happy to add Renee Rapp to the Mount Rushmore of great guest judges. Kudos, my queen!

Vivacious and Crystal also won the runway with two pitch-perfect interpretations of the butter-themed category. Really exquisite work. I have no time for quips, they were too gorgeous!

I have a worry that Silky’s taste will never gel with me. Her runway package never hits and her interpretation of the category felt a bit like a truck stop t-shirt. 

Listen to me right the hell now: if Crystal does not move on to the finals, I will start a worldwide boycott of Stop! That! Train! in theaters June 12th.

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