\n I\u2019m feeling completely torn at the moment and would really appreciate your advice. I have a 15-year-old son from a previous relationship, and three-year-old twin daughters with my husband. The twins are gorgeous, but full on, we adore them, but they\u2019re a handful. We have a live-in au pair, which helps, but I still feel stretched thin trying to juggle work, home, and everyone\u2019s needs.\n <\/p>\n
\n Recently, my husband said, \u201clet\u2019s try for another baby\u201d. Truthfully, I feel our family is full as it is. When my son overheard, he completely lost it. He said if we have another child, he\u2019ll go and live with his dad. He\u2019s been sulking since, and I can tell he\u2019s genuinely upset.\n <\/p>\n
\n He says he already feels more like a babysitter than a brother. I try to make sure he gets time alone with me, but between work and the chaos of twin toddlers, it\u2019s hard. He does love his sisters and is very sweet with them, but I think he\u2019s struggling to feel like he still has a place in our family dynamic.\n <\/p>\n
\n My husband feels my son is overreacting, but I can see his point. All his friends are the youngest in their families. I think he\u2019s a bit embarrassed at having a pregnant mum. I was very young when I had him. How can I balance all of this and manage the growing tension (and egos!) in the house without alienating anyone?\n <\/p>\n
Well, now, there is a lot going on here, with a lot of people and a lot of moving parts. When this is the situation, it can be overwhelming and therefore very hard to see a clear way out of it.<\/p>\n
This is a balancing act, but there is only one juggler in this circus, and that is you; and because you\u2019re the only one with all the balls in the air, you feel like you are alone at sea, which is a lonely and cold place.<\/p>\n
To sort you out, we need to deal with a few other things, and when we do this, it will, I believe, get easier.<\/p>\n
Can we deal with your husband\u2019s suggestion first? So, he wants another baby. I think it is clear, even though you don\u2019t say it, that this is not the right time for this. I wonder does he sees what\u2019s happening in the house around him? Surely, he\u2019s not blind to all of this, and he sees the pressure you are under?<\/p>\n
He should be asking you if there is anything he could be doing to lighten your load, and what\u2019s happening is that what he is suggesting will probably add to it.<\/p>\n
Now we all love when a new baby comes into a house, and it is a very special time, but in this case and with what\u2019s going on \u2014 and only you can answer this question \u2014 is this the best thing for the family?<\/p>\n
You need to say it to your husband that this is not a runner if that\u2019s what you want. You need to know the reality of what\u2019s happening, which brings me to the next part of this.<\/p>\n
Your teenage boy needs to know that his mother, more than anyone else in this house, has his back. He might have felt like he was moved to the side when you got married, and when the twins came along, you were all his before this.<\/p>\n
You have to make sure that this boy is loved and minded because the way he is reacting is a call for your love. It does sound like there won\u2019t be another child coming, and if this is the case, you tell him that, you make sure he knows what\u2019s going on. Certainty is very important for everyone, especially for a teenager.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m sorry, but your husband doesn\u2019t understand what\u2019s going through his mind and needs to stand back a little, maybe. I don\u2019t know if this is the case but is it possible that he could see your son in a different light to the twins because they\u2019re his, if you know what I mean? It probably is just a lack of awareness on his part. But he definitely doesn\u2019t understand what your son going through.<\/p>\n
The reality with your son is you probably have him for another two or three years, and then he\u2019ll be gone off to college or to work, so I think now is a very good time to make every minute count with him.<\/p>\n
Once he knows for sure what\u2019s happening, and he knows that you\u2019re always there for him, you\u2019ll find him again.<\/p>\n
Now onto the twins, in one way, I love the madness that goes with 3-year-olds, but two together, now that\u2019s a job.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m going to put the au pair in with these two and ask you what the name of God is the au pair is doing, not a lot by the sounds of it.<\/p>\n
The au pair needs to be doing more even if you have to pay her more to do more, just do it. Make out a big list of things for her to do. The twins will be off to preschool next year, and you need to make sure that and having an au pair is all working in your favour.<\/p>\n
You need to make it so that when you come home, it\u2019s all play time with the children and relaxation time for you as much as possible; otherwise, you\u2019ll have worked for years, the twins will be off to college, and you\u2019ll be stuck at home with him still asking if you want another baby.<\/p>\n
All the problems together seem like a lot and unbearable, but when you break them up and take them apart, they are much more manageable.<\/p>\n
For this whole dilemma, I would say that your son is the most important at this moment in time and that is easily fixed. I can\u2019t but feel that he is in a very lonely place for the last while, but do get that certainty around your husband\u2019s desires for a new child.<\/p>\n
Just in case I\u2019m wrong and you both do decide to have another child, be honest with your son and explain to him that mom still has the same love for him as always and that will never change.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I\u2019m feeling completely torn at the moment and would really appreciate your advice. I have a 15-year-old son…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":106542,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[65402,61,60,80],"class_list":["post-106541","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-technology","tag-dear-daithi","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-technology"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/106541","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=106541"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/106541\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/106542"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=106541"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=106541"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=106541"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}