Below Deck Down Under<\/a> merge as the women set sail. And yes, all of the women \u2014 including Bronwyn, who\u2019s arriving late but will still be attending despite all of the rumors and headlines about her old legal woes.<\/p>\nAs they all tour the boat, I\u2019m immediately shocked at how easy the bedroom assignments are being given out. Heather takes the primary, Meredith gets her bathtub, all without incident \u2026 the OG RHONY girls could never! But then Britani finds out that she has to room with Bronwyn, and I\u2019ve never seen a look of genuine dread overpower Botox so strongly.<\/p>\n
And, speak of the devil, Bronwyn arrives at the trip in style, dressed in an insane inflatable-themed outfit and zipping up to the yacht via speedboat like she\u2019s a Bond villain. It\u2019s smart of production to have her travel separately, given that this will now be the first time they\u2019re seeing her (and vice versa) since all the rumors came out. Of course, I\u2019m most excited that we\u2019re finally getting to hear from Lisa, who politically maintains that she doesn\u2019t want to revel in Bronwyn\u2019s bad fortune, but you can still see a glimmer of joy in her eye as she wonders why Bronwyn would come after her so hard when she had skeletons of her own.<\/p>\n
When Bronwyn joins her castmates, it\u2019s finally time to address those skeletons, and she repeats what we heard from her last week: One case was from her eviction 20 years ago, and another is a case from ten years ago that involved her work but is now sealed, and thus she can\u2019t go into detail about it. Her main concern is that she thinks someone deliberately leaked these stories, but she\u2019s smart enough not to point fingers. And why bother accusing someone formally when we all know she\u2019s talking about Lisa?<\/p>\n
\u201cNobody would do that here, nobody,\u201d Lisa says quickly \u2014 a little too quickly. She so adamantly denies the idea that anybody would leak dirt like that, while in the same breath acknowledging that it happened to her with her own lawsuits. Ultimately, all of this protesting is making her look guilty, whether or not she actually had a role in these stories coming out. It also should be said that the way Bronwyn went about all of this was a masterful bit of Housewifery. She somehow managed to seamlessly shift the conversation from whether she\u2019s a career criminal to whether Lisa is a leak, all without getting her hands dirty.<\/p>\n
Now, the other women (in the midst of a day of water sports and drinking) can all consider the question that Bronwyn subtly posed: Who leaked these rumors?<\/p>\n
As Heather and Whitney hang out in their room, Whitney points out that anytime Lisa\u2019s mad at someone, information on that person subsequently comes out. Heather (who\u2019s tried to be a friend to Lisa this season) not only agrees but boldly says, \u201cLisa is smarter and darker than any of us can imagine.\u201d I love when Heather talks about her dear friends like they\u2019re supervillains on the cusp of blowing up an entire city. Feeling confident that Lisa\u2019s behind these rumors, they decide to try to recruit her closest ally, Meredith, to their cause to really seal the deal. Whitney goes to fetch her, but I have to talk about the way in which she leaves to do so. Whitney is sitting on the bed and exits by casually doing a backward tumble off the bed like she\u2019s Willy Wonka. I thought I had imagined it at first \u2026 and I\u2019m still not convinced I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
When Meredith joins them, she\u2019s not so easily convinced \u2014 or at least not dumb enough to fall in line. It takes a lot of work to be safely on Lisa\u2019s good side, and she\u2019s not willing to throw that away on a whim, so she simply says that this pattern of stories cropping up about Lisa\u2019s enemies could just be correlation, not causation. So rather than get on the anti-Lisa bandwagon, she decides to just let Lisa speak for herself at dinner.<\/p>\n
But before we get to dinner, there are some loose ends that need to be addressed. Firstly, Britani has brought a stuffed unicorn with her on this trip, which, when squeezed, hauntingly plays Jared\u2019s voice telling her he loves her. This is despite the fact that they\u2019re on a 30-day break, which I\u2019d have trouble believing if we didn\u2019t get to see Britani shamelessly flirting with the whole crew \u2014 including Captain Jason, whom Heather accidentally claims to have fucked around with. \u201cDid I say that?\u201d she says in shock in her confessional. \u201cYou can\u2019t use that.\u201d It might have been a slip of the tongue or a misspeak, but either way, they have chemistry. Also, a through-line of the episode is that one of the stews discovered that someone had packed and brought a cucumber with them, the reason for which remains a mystery. But she left it on the bedside table just in case.<\/p>\n
At dinner, which Mary and Angie sadly miss because Angie has been brutally seasick this entire trip, you might have thought the main course was going to be the Lisa confrontation. And it does come, but our amuse-bouche is a curveball fight between Britani and Meredith. After Bronwyn throws Britani to the wolves by bringing up comments she made about Meredith pretending to have \u201cseizures\u201d during conflicts, Meredith flips. \u201cThere are people who do have seizures, one of which is my child,\u201d Meredith bellows, throwing her drink on Britani, who quickly tries to return fire. But seemingly by sheer willpower, Meredith holds out her hand, which sends the liquid back in the opposite direction toward Britani. This show is somehow defying the laws of physics.<\/p>\n
The table\u2019s attention then turns to the conversation Heather and Whitney had about Lisa, which they tried to rope Meredith into. But naturally, Meredith can see right through this plan and refuses to get dragged into this mess \u2014 especially when Lisa is already starting to break down at the thought of Meredith not defending her. Instead, Heather takes it upon herself to just lay it all out there \u2014 telling Lisa that she thinks she\u2019s the source of all the dirt and leaks, since Lisa always tends to know the information that inevitably ends up in the press.<\/p>\n
\u201cI am the motherfucking Don of Salt Lake City, I guess,\u201d Lisa says, maintaining that she can\u2019t help it if people tell her gossip. \u201cI go and get a Diet Coke and I hear shit,\u201d she yells, adding that that doesn\u2019t mean she takes it to the press. Once again, she feels like she\u2019s on the receiving end of a gang-up and completely breaks down. The woman is exhausted!<\/p>\n
Heather, who normally is good at playing this game and tactful while making risky moves like this, seems to have had just enough to drink to lose that tact. First of all, why is she bothering to get involved in this at all? It\u2019s Bronwyn\u2019s battle to fight, but Bronwyn is smart enough to barely even engage in any of this. Heather also bizarrely seems to think she\u2019ll be able to get out of this unscathed and is perplexed as to why it\u2019s such a big deal to be accusing Lisa, as if Lisa will just own up to it and they\u2019ll all move on. Ultimately, Heather just loves solving a mystery, but what she\u2019s forgetting is that there\u2019s another explanation for where these Bronwyn stories are coming from.<\/p>\n
The idea that a leak of any kind must be coming from one of the cast members is something that has plagued many a Housewives season. What these women are forgetting is that there\u2019s another possibility at play as to why all of their dirty laundry is routinely aired out: because they\u2019re on a TV show and millions of people are watching them. Many of those viewers have strong opinions and allegiances and are deranged. Lisa Barlow need not leak dirt on her enemies; she has hordes of fans online who will happily do it for her, unasked. Gossip blogs on the Housewives have become an entire cottage industry, and that\u2019s a far more likely explanation as to why this tends to keep happening.<\/p>\n
Sure, we know Lisa likes to dig around for dirt, but historically, she likes to be the one to bring it up to shut down her adversary face-to-face (like the necklace revelation at the reunion). Why leak it online anonymously and miss out on all the fun? But the piece of evidence that really works in Lisa\u2019s favor is that the other women\u2019s smoking gun doesn\u2019t hold water. Bronwyn alleges that one of the accounts sharing her legal issues used the nickname \u201cConwyn,\u201d which she says Lisa called her at Amy\u2019s. But the flashback shows that what Lisa actually called her was \u201cFraudwyn.\u201d If the nickname doesn\u2019t fit, you must acquit!<\/p>\n
Nonetheless, everyone still seems convinced that it was Lisa, who runs off sobbing to John on the phone as Heather tries (and fails) to chase her around the boat. Ultimately, Lisa ends up alone, crying and sitting out by the water, nearly perfectly re-creating that famous photo of Princess Diana on the diving board. This show is art.<\/p>\n
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