![\"Admitting](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/4867656_2_articleinline_iStock-1595128829.jpg\" "\\"Admitting")
Admitting that you wanted your child to be a different gender can be difficult.<\/p>\nGender reveal videos on the internet have become part of bringing a child into the world. Parents shoot pink or blue confetti from a cannon or cut into a cake to reveal the gender, but some feel disappointed with the outcome.<\/p>\n
\u201cDisappointment often comes from the gap between the child we imagined and the child we\u2019re having,\u201d says Dr Bronagh Fitzpatrick, clinical and health psychologist (@theparentalpsychologist).\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cMaybe a parent always pictured raising a son, or hoped for one of each.<\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes, cultural or family expectations play a role, or our own childhood experiences shape the hopes we carry. And in today\u2019s world of gender reveals and early scans, parents can build up strong expectations long before their baby is born. When reality doesn\u2019t match the picture, it\u2019s normal to feel a sense of loss.\u201d<\/p>\n
One mother who knows the feeling of gender disappointment all too well is Sinead*.\u00a0<\/p>\n
She had always dreamt of the relationship she would one day have with her own daughter. From \u201cprincess outfits, to ballet classes, teenage years, boyfriend dramas, and wedding day\u201d, she admits that her vision was gender-stereotypical.\n <\/p>\n
Her third child was her \u201clast chance\u201d to complete her family with a girl. However, after a private blood test to find out the gender at eight weeks, she was devastated to learn that a girl would not be rounding up her family.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cI had to find out (the gender) as soon as possible, because I was obsessed with comparing symptoms.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhen the results arrived, my husband opened it and laughed, saying, \u2018It\u2019s another boy!\u2019. I burst into tears. I had to take myself upstairs to hide my disappointment, and I think I cried for a week.\u201d<\/p>\n
As the months went on and her bump grew, she came to terms with having another boy. However, telling others the baby\u2019s gender was another hurdle.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Admitting that you wanted your child to be a different gender can be difficult.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe comments I got when I told people I was having another boy were hard. People were disappointed, which then made me become defensive of him and love him even more.\u201d<\/p>\n
Sinead is open about her concerns for the future. \u201cMy kids are very stereotypical boys, and I know that as they get older, we will have less to bond over.<\/p>\n
\u201cHowever, I sometimes look at my brother\u2019s close relationship with our mum, which has remained strong even as he\u2019s grown older, and that reassures me.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy boys are crazy, but they\u2019re also so affectionate and give me the best hugs. I remind myself that all children have their own personalities, regardless of their gender.<\/p>\n
\u201cHaving a boy or a girl does not guarantee what kind of relationship you will have with them. As soon as that healthy baby is born, you really don\u2019t care.\u201d<\/p>\n
Grieving a lost ideal<\/p>\n
Admitting that you wanted your child to be a different gender can be difficult. Fitzpatrick believes it is more common than people realise, and that many parents keep their feelings private out of fear of judgement.<\/p>\n
\u201cOften, parents tell themselves they \u2018should just be grateful\u2019 and then feel awful for having mixed emotions,\u201d she says.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cThat guilt can be heavier than the disappointment itself. What\u2019s important to remember is that having these feelings does not mean you love your baby any less.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt simply means you\u2019re human, with hopes and expectations that didn\u2019t line up this time.\u201d<\/p>\n
It is natural to hope for a certain gender. A study from the University of Roehampton found that many parents want to have at least one child the same sex as them. But how far are some parents willing to go to pursue that? Taking fate into their own hands, some parents now choose the gender of their baby via IVF treatment.<\/p>\n
Countries that allow gender selection for social reasons include the United States, Mexico, Russia, Cyprus, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates (UAE), Thailand, Colombia, and Iran.<\/p>\n
Dr John Kennedy, medical director at Therapie Fertility Clinic, says gender selection is a grey area in Ireland.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cThe Assisted Health and Abortions Act has been passed in Ireland, but it hasn\u2019t been enacted. And until that\u2019s enacted, there\u2019s no actual law saying you can\u2019t do gender selection.<\/p>\n
\u201cHowever, no clinics, to the best of my knowledge, allow gender selection for social reasons. In some circumstances, when there is a serious medical risk of passing on a sex-linked genetic condition to the child, it can be allowed.\u201d<\/p>\n
If you are disappointed that you didn\u2019t get the son or daughter that you hoped for, Fitzpatrick has advice for parents.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cThe good news is that for many, the feelings are mild and pass quickly once the baby arrives.<\/p>\n
\u201cFor some, though, the disappointment can feel heavier and linger, and those parents may need extra support.\u201d<\/p>\n
To come to terms with this disappointment, Fitzpatrick recommends first acknowledging it without feeling shame.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou should grieve the idea and not the baby you have. You\u2019re mourning the imagined child you pictured, not rejecting the baby you\u2019re having.\u201d<\/p>\n
Challenge stereotypes and remind yourself of the qualities you value, like kindness, which aren\u2019t tied to gender, she advises. \u201cActively bonding with your baby through rituals like talking to your baby bump, writing letters, or engaging in skin-to-skin contact after birth helps build a connection and shift your focus.\u201d<\/p>\n
If feelings of disappointment persist, Fitzpatrick recommends seeking support: \u201cIt\u2019s important to reach out to your GP, midwife, or public health nurse. Supportive conversations and, if needed, therapy, can make a big difference.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Gender reveal videos on the internet have become part of bringing a child into the world. Parents shoot…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":151234,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[14613,61,60,80],"class_list":["post-151233","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-technology","tag-fitness-exercise-work-life-balance-healthy-eating","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-technology"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151233","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=151233"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/151233\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/151234"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=151233"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=151233"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=151233"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}