I would not have considered us compatible initially, given that she is an aristocrat scented of saffron and bathed in light and I am a humble Irish bog creature scented of cabbage and swaddled in corduroy and shame, but she has been signing her television Zooms, \u201cWith Love, M****n\u201d, and that signals a certain intimacy to me.<\/p>\n
Yes, we\u2019re clearly very close.<\/p>\n
I\u2019d better give her a pseudonym. How about \u201cthe Meg\u201d, because she has the kind eyes of an aquatic beast? Or maybe the Meg II, because this is series two of her Netflix Zooms with me? (Editor: \u201cNetflix television shows, Patrick\u201d. Me: \u201cLa la la, I can\u2019t hear you.\u201d)<\/p>\n
Anyway, Trish, ever since the Meg<\/a> lost her job she has become obsessively interested in crafting. Worryingly and aggressively interested in crafting.<\/p>\n Let me describe a typical Netflix Zoom with the Meg. We open with her skipping through a Christmas-tree farm. Then we cut to the Meg decorating the Christmas tree she has chosen from the plant abattoir. <\/p>\n She talks about how important it is that it\u2019s \u201clit from within\u201d. This makes it sound as if the tree might be on fire, but we move to another room before I can check. As I said, I\u2019m worried about her.<\/p>\n Next she\u2019s brandishing a scissors and working on a cloth Advent calendar at the kitchen table. The Meg\u2019s main skill is nice handwriting. This was a major selling point back in the 19th century but not so much these days. <\/p>\n [\u00a0Meghan Markle\u2019s holiday special review: The reek of forced fun is ever-present. Even Harry looks embarrassedOpens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n She writes a note for one of the pouches in the cloth Advent calendar: \u201cI love you because you are so kind.\u201d You probably find this a bit much. I may not have mentioned this, but the Meg is American and not Irish. The notes we put into Advent calendars in Ireland say things like, \u201cYou could have made an effort this once, for your mother, at Christmas,\u201d and, \u201cWell, I hope you\u2019re happy,\u201d and, \u201cJust FYI, not all of you are in the will.\u201d<\/p>\n She introduces a man named Will Guidara, a restaurateur. He has written a book called Unreasonable Hospitality. It is, I believe, about hostage situations. Ironically, he\u2019s now in something of a hostage situation himself, in which he is fed sweet treats by my best friend the Meg. \u201cIt\u2019s pretty jolly around here,\u201d he says with terror.<\/p>\n Then, as is her wont, she gets Guidara to engage in some frantic crafting. They make Christmas crackers and put toys and jokes in them. It is suggested that children will love this thoughtfulness, though in my experience children really say things like, \u201cI would prefer money.\u201d<\/p>\n The Meg II gazes at her works and waxes lyrical about \u201cthe perfect imperfection that comes from human connection\u201d, which really makes me think. What I think is, \u201cAren\u2019t you rich enough to just go to Marks & Spencer?\u201d<\/p>\n The Meg reappears in pyjamas. \u201cMake an effort, the Meg!\u201d I cry. But she\u2019s quickly joined by two other pyjama-clad ne\u2019er-do-wells. They are having a pyjama party. The lesson? Wearing pyjamas during the day is fine if rich people do it. <\/p>\n She makes her fellow pyjama people create Christmas wreaths, though something about the whole thing makes me think of death. Making other people work for her is, incidentally, the Meg\u2019s love language.<\/p>\n She does something similar with Naomi Osaka<\/a>. \u201cWhat is your favourite thing about the holidays?\u201d the Meg asks after feeding her for a while.<\/p>\n \u201cHonestly, I think, family,\u201d the captive athlete says with tears in her eyes, wondering if she\u2018ll ever see them again.<\/p>\n \u201cShall we go craft?\u201d the Meg says, coldly. Osaka soon disappears into the void from which she came.<\/p>\n Tom Colicchio from Top Chef is here now. This is basically a decommissioned CIA black site. Colicchio creates a salad. The Meg makes a family recipe, gumbo, and they offer both up to Mr the Meg, who arrives for a cameo. <\/p>\n![\"Meghan](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/3G7NTUBFW5QVPW6BZC6UXOT3JI.jpg\")
Meghan Markle with Naomi Osaka in the With Love, Meghan: Holiday Celebration. Photograph: Netflix <\/p>\n