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Survivor<\/a><\/p>\n A Fever Dream<\/p>\n \n Season 49<\/p>\n Episode 13\n <\/p>\n \n Editor\u2019s Rating<\/p>\n 2 stars<\/p>\n **\n <\/p>\n \n The finale flirts with making history but ends up just an underwhelming conclusion to a frustrating season. Of all the underwhelming parts of this underwhelming finale of an underwhelming season, the final immunity challenge did not leave me whelmed. It was the traditional obstacle course where players dug under a pole, walked a balance beam, collected two paddles, assembled a puzzle that also served as a table game, and then used that table game to win. The one thing I liked about it: balls. Oh yes, I love when a challenge is full of balls because then we get Jeffrey Lee Probst saying stuff like \u201cRizo has both his balls,\u201d \u201cSoph is whipping through her ball track,\u201d and, well, just \u201cballs.\u201d Balls, balls, balls. How they bring a smile to my face in so many ways.<\/p>\n In this finale, we had to enjoy the simple pleasures because there weren\u2019t many complex pleasures or, really, much complex gameplay. It starts with the hunt for an advantage, and thank God they gave these players busy work because they surely weren\u2019t busy strategizing. They had to run around camp, find five bags each, assemble a map puzzle, and then find the advantage, which was hiding way up in a tree. After a scramble, Soph is the one who figures it out and gets the advantage. When she arrives at the challenge, Jeff says, \u201cYour advantage is you get to take two steps closer to the finish line. Okay. One. Two. That\u2019s it, Soph. Hope it helps.\u201d That\u2019s about as much as this advantage ever gets you.<\/p>\n This challenge was a highly elaborate obstacle course that ends in a puzzle but starts with everyone crawling under a muddy net, ensuring they\u2019ll be caked in filth the whole time. If I were Soph, I would have said, \u201cHey, Jeff. Can I trade my two-step advantage to avoid the net? I don\u2019t want to be pulling mud out of my grundle for the next week.\u201d I hate that they do that to the players and they didn\u2019t even let the winner, Savannah (spoiler!), or her chosen friend, Sage, wash off after the challenge. They\u2019re sitting in the Schmanctuary where schmood schmings schmappen eating steak with muddy faces. Because the dirt is so dark, all you can see are two pairs of teeth floating in the middle of the screen, like they\u2019re both reenacting the opening scene of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.<\/p>\n Yes, Savannah won the immunity challenge, as she has so many times this season, putting her in rarefied company<\/a> of the six women who have won four times. Savannah takes Sage along with her, telling her over steak that she wants to have her friends with her at the final four, setting up her lobbying for Kristina to go. Back at camp, Kristina is giving herself the goat edit, telling Rizo and Soph that no one on the jury will vote for her and that she wants to take them to the final three and get rid of Savannah, who has been winning everything and playing a great game.<\/p>\n Savannah returns from the Sanctuary, and Rizo and Soph tell her the plan to get rid of Sage, and Savannah just flat-out tells them no. Sage also works on Soph. They\u2019re both just saying that Kristina lit the fire every day, and she will beat all of them at the fire-making challenge, and that is why she should go home. Ugh. I hate the final fire-making challenge so much. That someone should be a threat in the game because she\u2019s good at chores is wild to me. \u201cSorry, but I\u2019m voting out Rizo. Have you seen how he cleans his room and takes out the trash? We\u2019ll never beat him.\u201d<\/p>\n Sage and Kristina knew all day that one was going home, and they had a tense exchange at tribal, with Kristina once again giving herself the goat edit and talking so much about how great Sage is. Sage is talking herself down too, saying she always felt like the weird outcast and the expendable one. They\u2019re trying to correct each other, each setting the record straight by talking about how horrible they are at the game. They are gunning at each other, and the only ammunition is self-owned. I was surprised that Sage\u2019s pleas worked and that Kristina was eliminated. I liked Rizo and Soph\u2019s logic, that they could all beat Kristina in a final three, over Savannah\u2019s, which is that she would lose out on making the final three due to her superior fire-making.<\/p>\n Now it\u2019s time for that final immunity challenge that was so full of balls it made a Mega Millions broadcast jealous. I\u2019m glad they didn\u2019t do Simmotion<\/a> again, but the final challenge needs to feel complex, epic, and different. This was just like all the other challenges. There was a complicated obstacle course earlier in this episode. This felt like the real challenge got rained out and they had to go with a backup plan. What about an endurance challenge that lasts six hours? What about some new-fangled contraption? What about having to write a verse of a rap, learn choreography, dance in heels, and design their outfit? I mean, if they can do it on Drag Race<\/a>\u2026<\/p>\n While the challenge didn\u2019t feel substantial, Jeff got to do his favorite thing: shout at a woman about how poorly she was performing. \u201cSoph, yet again, dead last,\u201d he screams. Well, balls to you, Jeff. After many a setback, Soph somehow whips through assembling her ball (hehe) track and then getting both of her balls (hehe) into the target when Rizo, who was first to the puzzle stage, struggles mightily. It was truly a great comeback and, as Soph points out, the first thing she\u2019s won all season. It also keeps Savannah from being the only woman to join the Five Winner\u2019s Club. Sorry, Savannah, better luck next time.<\/p>\n Back at camp, Soph tells everyone that she doesn\u2019t want them politicking, she\u2019s going to make her decision at tribal, and she would prefer that her day of easy breathing and yoga on the beach not be marred by these losers talking to her about her plans. Oh, and she\u2019d like a spicy margarita on the rocks with no salt, please. Someone ring the Schmanctuary. Next, everyone is trying to build a fire with Sage and Savannah saying they\u2019ve never done it, and Rizo feeling a bit safer but not that safe at all. Though all the chat was unsolicited, at one point Rizo tells Soph that if he\u2019s going to make fire, he only wants to do it against Savannah because he knows he doesn\u2019t stand a chance against her.<\/p>\n That is just what Soph does when she makes a decision, but before that, Jeff has to give us a history of the worst part (except maybe three tribes of six) of Survivor as a format. He reminds us that the challenge beast who picked Ben Driebergen in the first-ever fire challenge then went on to lose to him, which was the plan all along because Jeff would rather the guy who found a bunch of idols that everyone hated win the game rather than just some girl. This fire-making challenge has always sucked, and I\u2019m sorry, I\u2019m going to rage about it every year.<\/p>\n I\u2019m especially going to rage about it this year because Rizo, the player who deserved to win, got sent home because he couldn\u2019t do his chores. Yes, I picked on him all season, and he did the most at every single turn. Still, Rizo did sway more votes than anyone else, was a strategic mastermind, found a way to keep his trio safe when the odds were stacked against them, and held onto a beware idol longer than any other player in the game. Now, Rizo is sent packing because there is one skill that isn\u2019t even in the Survivor logo that he couldn\u2019t master. Then, on the way out, he asks Probst not to call him by his name, but by his nickname. \u201cRizgod,\u201d Probst says, \u201cThe tribe has spoken.\u201d I take it all back. Every kind word I ever said about him, scratch it off the record. Never let this man on my television again.<\/p>\n Rizo had a grand, emotional exit, talking about how he made so many people proud and how happy he was to finally realize his dream, even if he didn\u2019t win. I was disappointed that at the final tribal he didn\u2019t even ask a question; he just gave all the ladies their flowers and then faded into the background. That is not the Rizo we have grown to \u2026 begrudgingly acknowledge.<\/p>\n
\n Photo: CBS\n <\/p>\n