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Emily in Paris<\/a><\/p>\n Fashion Statement<\/p>\n \n Season 5<\/p>\n Episode 8\n <\/p>\n \n Editor\u2019s Rating<\/p>\n 2 stars<\/p>\n **\n <\/p>\n \n Two women in the prime of their lives abandoning their own ambitions to support the half-baked whims of their mediocre boyfriends \u2026 cool! Emily and Mindy are on a double date. It is my sacred duty as your recapper to report that these women are never more lame than when they are being held down by underwhelming men. You know who I really miss? Princess Jane! She really lit things up. These men just drag it all down.<\/p>\n Marcello\u2019s and Nico\u2019s situation is totally absurd, but let\u2019s attempt to understand: Both of these young men who failed to inherit the throne at their respective family empires have now scorned the aforementioned families to strike out on their own. Did they give this one iota of thought before storming out? Unclear! Nico told Mindy he was \u201cbroke,\u201d yet he is also, somehow, the backer (?) for Marcello\u2019s fashion operation; Marcello, who as far as we know has never so much as folded one of his own cashmere sweaters, is going to launch his own brand. Mindy and Emily, dickmatized by these failsons, are all in on this gamble. Oooookay. And now they need a designer, because apparently these gents thought it would be really smart to bail on their sure thing with their families without even putting together a solid business plan. Why would they not have lined up a designer before burning some very important bridges?<\/p>\n Things we are apparently forgetting entirely: That Emily dreams of running her own office one day and came back to Paris with the directive to beef up old client relationships and book some sure things; that Mindy is a micro-celebrity who is trying to make it in show business. Two women in the prime of their lives abandoning their own ambitions to support the half-baked whims of their mediocre boyfriends \u2026 cool!<\/p>\n It\u2019s red flags all the way down, but Mindy is too busy dressing like a Vegas-showgirl-slash-figure-skater \u2014 today\u2019s top is made entirely of mesh with sequined swirls that barely cover her nipples \u2014 and Emily was so busy writing \u201cemily + marcello 4ever\u201d in her notebook that she forgot to wear pants. I don\u2019t mind a big sartorial swing, but am I really to believe that the uptight Emily would ever be caught dead in public wearing black underwear and fishnets and no pants? See my previous complaints, re: nonexistent character continuity<\/a>!<\/p>\n Also: The glaring gap between the way these girls dress \u2014 frequently absurd, but at least they\u2019re going for it \u2014 and the way their boyfriends dress \u2014 literally not one remarkable garment, let alone outfit, on either of them \u2014 is especially outrageous, considering the men are supposed to be in the fashion industry. The scions of JVMA and Muratori have no noteworthy personal style? Or really any style at all?<\/p>\n Anyway, it\u2019s time to go to a party where this designer, Noah, will be. He\u2019s been ousted at some big fashion house and replaced by a \u201ccreative director\u201d with no design experience, which means he\u2019s in the market for his next thing. His agent, Ramona, has pink hair and no patience. She claims Nico and Marcello are the talk of all the fashion blogs. Mindy cannot introduce herself as \u201cNico\u2019s girlfriend\u201d fast enough, and I said what I said about these women being lame whenever their boyfriends are around and I meant it! (Also: What was the point of making her a mini-celebrity if it would have no effect on her life in Paris? Wouldn\u2019t it be more fun if she were actually getting famous?)<\/p>\n Even though Ramona did just say \u201cI have read all about you in the fashion news,\u201d Nico announces, \u201cAs you might have heard, we are starting our own label.\u201d Like \u2026 yes, she knows! She just said that she knows?! She describes the boys as \u201cradioactive\u201d because no one wants to piss off JVMA and Muratori by siding with the idiot sons. This is the sort of thing a smarter person would have considered before walking away from their family business. Ramona refuses to introduce them to Noah, so Emily finds a work-around, which is tricking Chauncey the dog into licking her by using the meat from a cheeseburger slider. Noah, who at least is dressed like someone with an interest in fashion, is charmed by the woman who has charmed his dog and decides to trust this over the counsel of Ramona. Just a lot of geniuses all working together to do great things I see.<\/p>\n Apparently, every episode is required to include at least one exceptionally strained metaphor, and this time it\u2019s Mindy talking for several minutes about how men are the bread on the charcuterie board of life (?) because they look good after walks of shame (?!). Having now been back together with their shitty boyfriends for \u2026 a week? If that? Mindy and Emily decide to basically move in with their partners as long as they\u2019re in town. I do think it\u2019s funny that the men are not consulted about this decision; in fact, the decision is made while Nico isn\u2019t even in the room.<\/p>\n Over breakfast, Marcello explains his vision to Noah. It\u2019s an Italian Ralph Lauren thing. Marcello is sketchy about the source of his sketches, and my first guess was that he\u2019d stolen them from his mother, but eventually we find out he drew them himself and didn\u2019t want to admit he was talented. A likely story!<\/p>\n Emily cajoles Sylvie into a meeting with Nico and Marcello. Does Agence Grateau not have a lawyer on staff? I know we don\u2019t want to get bogged down with all the details, but this is so slapdash. It feels beneath Sylvie, but I guess she is distracted by her hot young fling. Alfie has decided to get into consulting as a side hustle, and so he is also in this meeting. I mean, whatever, I\u2019m not sure why Alfie would have any interest in aligning himself with Mindy\u2019s boyfriend, or why an experienced CFO would consider this a savvy business move, but you know what, we\u2019re all going to die, what difference does this make? Sylvie is swayed by the strength of the sketches alone? If I were running a business, I would want to see a serious proposal and not a handful of pretty pictures. Does Alfie not have any interest in where the money is coming from here?<\/p>\n That night, everyone goes out to the club to celebrate. Love Emily\u2019s hair and dress here. Mindy is thrilled to be half of a \u201cpower couple.\u201d I\u2019d tell her to hold her horses, but that was last episode\u2019s problem<\/a>. For reasons that are not properly explained, everyone except Mindy and Alfie have to leave the club in the middle of the night to talk on the phone with Noah. A tango comes on, so Alfie and Mindy can relive their Ballando Ballando Ballando days<\/a>. Alfie confesses he is still thinking about her and warns Mindy that Nico is a snake. Even though Nico was a snake for (a generous estimate) 90 percent of their relationship the last time they were together, Mindy is scandalized by this and storms off.<\/p>\n Sylvie and her hot young fling have escalated to sleepovers and sexting. He can\u2019t stop telling her how sexy she is, and he is right to say it. Yvette invites Sylvie to her anniversary party where, of course, Sylvie discovers she has been fucking Yvette\u2019s son in a particularly humiliating and traumatizing way: by showing Yvette said son\u2019s dick pic, which features some very familiar bathroom wallpaper. Sylvie hustles out of the party and, presumably, out of Yvette\u2019s life forever. In addition to being the most predictable turn of events possible, this is also the one time Sylvie\u2019s night-out outfit really disappoints. Why is so much fabric exploding from her wrists? Looks like she\u2019s got giant feather dusters dangling from the ends of her sleeves.<\/p>\n Ah, well, back to work: Emily has Agence Grateau throw a luncheon for the press to announce Marcello\u2019s new line. (To this, I must ask: What line? The man has not ONE article of clothing to support this vision!) But first, she gives Marcello a key to her place. Her whole identity in this episode is \u201csupportive and doting girlfriend,\u201d which is very boring and \u2014 I can\u2019t believe I\u2019m saying this \u2014 totally beneath her. The fashion line, by the way, is just called \u201cMarcello Muratori.\u201d If you\u2019re thinking, Wow, I feel like the Muratori family is not going to be happy about another brand called Muratori entering the fashion world, you would be correct. Marcello gets served for trademark infringement \u2014 by his mother, LOL. Noah, sensing more drama than he can handle, bails on the whole thing. How did NO ONE think about this?! It\u2019s really hard to sympathize with anybody here when everyone is behaving like amateurs!<\/p>\n That evening, Marcello \u2014 who I guess just lives with Emily now \u2014 is yelling on the phone in Italian to his sister, because his mother won\u2019t speak to him. He wants to create his OWN THING. He sounds like a petulant brat, honestly. Emily says that whoever did these sketches should be the designer, which is how we find out the sketch artist is Marcello. So now Emily\u2019s job is just making espresso for her man while he fulfills his creative potential. And L\u2019Or\u00e9al thought Sylvie\u2019s first commercial pitch wasn\u2019t female empowering enough<\/a>.<\/p>\n VULTURE NEWSLETTER<\/p>\n Keep up with all the drama of your favorite shows!<\/p>\n Vox Media, LLC Terms and Privacy Notice<\/p>\n
\n Photo: Giulia Parmigiani\/Netflix\n <\/p>\n