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\u00c1ine Healy Collins and her son Kai. Ms Collins says her son, Kai, was the ‘most amazing’ brother. Picture: Manon Gilbart<\/p>\n\u00c1ine Healy Collins was faced with a parent\u2019s worst nightmare when she lost her newborn daughter on Christmas Day, 2022. She was \u201cadamant lightning couldn\u2019t strike twice\u201d but then she tragically lost a second baby girl last year.<\/p>\n
Ms Collin’s daughter Hollie died on Christmas morning three years ago \u2014 only a couple of hours after her birth.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cWe never got to bring her home, her funeral was on New Year\u2019s Eve \u2014 two occasions that are supposed to be filled with joy, but for us, they are now heavily weighted with loss. Hollie would be three years old this Christmas,\u201d Ms Collins told the Irish Examiner.<\/p>\n
\u00c1ine said she was \u201cfortunate to conceive again\u201d, but tragically, she lost another daughter, Allie, four months after her birth, on November 14, 2024.<\/p>\n
\u201cI had been adamant that lightning couldn\u2019t strike twice, but then we welcomed our beautiful daughter, Allie. Tragically, we lost her due to a genetic condition.\u00a0<\/p>\n
“For the majority of her short life, we spent two-thirds of it in hospital, but the incredible support from Jack and Jill and LauraLynn allowed us to bring her home,\u201d she said.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\n That time at home gave us the chance to create precious memories together as a family before she left us.\n <\/p>\n
After Hollie’s death, the Limerick native wrote a book to help her son Kai navigate his grief. A story \u201cfull of love\u201d, Hollie\u2019s Journey uses gentle language and imagery to address loss in a way children can understand.<\/p>\n
\u201cI wanted to find a way to help my son Kai make sense of what had happened in a way that felt honest, gentle, and full of love. So I wrote this book for him and for all the children and families trying to navigate grief after baby loss,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
In Hollie\u2019s Journey, a boy named Kai and his sister Hollie share an unbreakable bond, even though they are separated by loss. \u201cFor my son, my husband and for me, this book became more than a story \u2014 it became a shared language for grief.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt gave my son permission to ask questions in his own time and to express emotions that he might not otherwise have been able to explain. And for me, it was a way to hold space for my own grief while supporting his,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
Hollie and Allie are buried together in Ballingarry graveyard. \u201cFrom our house, you can see the graveyard \u2014 it feels like an extension of our garden, so they always feel close.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
After sharing her family\u2019s story, Ms Collins said others have been reaching out \u2014 opening the conversation about loss and the void it leaves behind.<\/p>\n
She said:<\/p>\n
\n I\u2019ve also had mothers contact me directly, reaching out for support, which has opened up the scope of the conversation around baby loss even further \u2014 showing that sharing our story can help create connection and understanding for others going through something similar.\n <\/p>\n
For Ms Collins, hearing that her story has offered comfort to others has been \u201cprofoundly healing\u201d. Over the Christmas season, she believes it\u2019s important to reach out to those who are grieving \u2014 even though you may not always know how to approach them.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt times, loneliness and darkness creep in \u2014 and they will \u2014 but reach out and ask for help. It\u2019s difficult to reach out to people who you know are grieving, but never hesitate. Make the call, let them know you are thinking of them, even though life has moved on.\u00a0<\/p>\n
“That connection \u2014 knowing that something we created from our own loss can help another family navigate theirs \u2014 has been one of the most meaningful parts of this journey,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
Loss comes in waves and throughout hardships, Ms Collins says her son, Kai, was the \u201cmost amazing\u201d brother.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe adored his sister, sang to her, and even made Allie stop crying with what he called his \u2018magic hands.\u2019 His love and innocence brought light into some of our darkest days. We are so so proud of Kai.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
As a parent, she says \u201cgiving a eulogy to your own child is one of the hardest things you can ever do\u201d.\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00c1ine Healy Collins and her son Kai. Ms Collins says her son, Kai, was the ‘most amazing’ brother. Picture: Manon Gilbart<\/p>\n
For her, trying to put into words a life that was so brief was overwhelming.<\/p>\n
\u201cHolding the little white coffin in your hands is an experience so raw and unimaginable \u2014 a mixture of love, heartbreak, and disbelief all at once.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou want to honour them fully, capture their spirit, and convey your love, all while navigating your own grief. It\u2019s an experience that no parent should ever have to face, and yet it becomes a profound, though heart-wrenching, way to say goodbye and celebrate the life that touched your heart so deeply.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
There is no one-size-fits-all experience when it comes to grieving, and each person feels it differently.<\/p>\n
\u201cGrieving a child as a married couple is incredibly hard in ways that are often invisible to others. Each of you experiences the loss differently, and sometimes it can feel isolating even when you are side by side.<\/p>\n
\u201cSimple things, like daily routines or holidays, can become triggers for sorrow, and there\u2019s a constant challenge in trying to support each other while carrying your own pain. Communication becomes both essential and difficult \u2014 there are moments when words fail and yet simply being present for one another is what keeps the bond strong.<\/p>\n
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\u00c1ine Healy Collins with her husband Mark and her son Kai. ‘Grieving a child as a married couple is incredibly hard in ways that are often invisible to others.’ Picture: Manon Gilbart<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s a delicate balance of mourning together, respecting each other\u2019s emotions, and finding ways to navigate life while carrying a loss that never truly goes away,\u201d she explained.<\/p>\n
Some days are harder than others, and life \u201cdoesn\u2019t pause\u201d for loss.<\/p>\n
\u201cSome days, I don\u2019t want to talk to anyone, or even leave the house, I simply can\u2019t. The weight of grief can feel suffocating, and yet somehow, we find the strength to keep moving forward, even if it\u2019s just one small step at a time. It\u2019s a constant balancing act between honouring the depth of your sorrow and continuing to live.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
In her native Ballingarry, family, friends and the local community rallied for Ms Collins and her family \u2014 acts of kindness she will never forget.<\/p>\n
\u201cThese experiences have changed how I live and what I value. I no longer have the headspace or resilience for drama or negativity outside my immediate circle \u2014 it\u2019s taught me the true importance of real friendships, family, and presence.\u00a0<\/p>\n
“Now, everything is about giving my loved ones time, creating genuine memories, and cherishing every moment we have together. No matter the heartbreak, we will always be a family of five.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
Christmas can be particularly difficult for anyone going through loss, but despite it all, Ms Collins makes sure to keep the bright lights of the holiday shining for her son.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe are fortunate to have Kai and to watch the magic of Christmas through his eyes, which brings light and joy even in difficult times.<\/p>\n
\u201cAll he wants from Santa this year is a dog. He is lonely and carries a void he can\u2019t explain \u2014 he just feels it \u2014 and it\u2019s a reminder of how grief touches everyone differently, even children.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n
To remember her daughters by, Ms Collins tries to create moments where Hollie and Allie \u201cfeel present\u201d even though they are no longer here physically.<\/p>\n
Whether by lighting a candle or including a symbol for them in the family\u2019s Christmas decorations, Ms Collins makes sure to create moments where Hollie and Allie \u201cfeel present\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt\u2019s important to remember that grief doesn\u2019t remove love, including those we\u2019ve lost in our celebrations keeps their memory alive and helps our family feel connected, even in the midst of sadness.\u00a0<\/p>\n
“For me, it\u2019s about balance: acknowledging the loss, honouring it, but also finding moments of joy and togetherness with the family we still have.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n