Dear Abby: My mother passed away six years ago. She was a manipulative woman who had alienated all family members except my adult son. She promised him a sizable amount of money when she passed but didn\u2019t follow through. As the fiduciary of my parents\u2019 estate, I followed their trust directives as written, with no exceptions.<\/p>\n
My son received a nice check, but not as large as he had expected. He was upset and blamed me for \u201ctaking\u201d his money. Then he declared that we would never see our grandsons again unless he received what his grandmother had promised. He refused to understand the concept of a trustee\u2019s fiduciary duty and has ghosted us, even though I have tried reaching out to him several times.<\/p>\n
Thanks to the generosity of our former daughter-in-law, we do have access to our grandsons. I have finally come to terms with my son\u2019s decision to remove himself from the family, which includes his brother and sister. He\u2019s an adult and can make that decision for himself.<\/p>\n
It was always my intention to one day pass what I inherited on to my three children. What I am struggling with is that I\u2019m feeling a considerable amount of guilt because my husband and I have excluded this son from any monetary distributions from our own trust because of how he has behaved and his attempt at blackmail. Am I justified in excluding him? I want to forgive and forget, but I can\u2019t get past his actions.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Conflicted in Idaho<\/p>\n
Dear Conflicted in Idaho: That your son misdirected his anger from his grandmother, where it belonged, onto you is very sad. Forgive him in your heart, but do not reward him by changing your estate plans. If you haven\u2019t already done so, discuss with your lawyer leaving your son\u2019s share of your estate in trust for your grandsons instead.<\/p>\n
Dear Abby: I am married to a verbally and economically abusive alcoholic. His drinking has grown much worse during this last year to the point that he can no longer hold a job longer than two months. We have three children, and I know our constant fighting is bad for the kids.<\/p>\n
Because I haven\u2019t worked in eight years, it has been extremely hard for me to find a job. I have applied for many. I want to leave this toxic marriage, but I\u2019m scared. I don\u2019t know how. I have nowhere to go, no money, no car, no job. What can I do, Abby? I am so miserable that I can\u2019t stand it.<\/p>\n
\u2014 Breaking Point in the West<\/p>\n
Dear Breaking Point in the West: It\u2019s time to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which can be accessed at thehotline.org or by calling toll-free 800-799-7233. Your husband may not be beating you, but that does not mean you aren\u2019t being abused. The atmosphere you describe isn\u2019t healthy for you or your children. You cannot save your husband from his addiction. Only he can do that when he finally hits rock bottom and decides to seek help for his drinking.<\/p>\n
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.<\/p>\n
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