{"id":275456,"date":"2026-02-01T14:23:08","date_gmt":"2026-02-01T14:23:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/275456\/"},"modified":"2026-02-01T14:23:08","modified_gmt":"2026-02-01T14:23:08","slug":"when-i-was-a-kid-i-was-a-real-bch-to-my-stepmother-not-because-i-didnt-like-her-the-irish-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/275456\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018When I was a kid I was a real b**ch to my stepmother. Not because I didn\u2019t like her\u2019 \u2013 The Irish Times"},"content":{"rendered":"

With success can come unintended consequences. When Madeleine Gray\u2019s debut novel, Green Dot<\/a>, was published, in early 2024, the Sydney author started receiving emails from women who related strongly to the book\u2019s main character, a 24-year-old content moderator named Hera, who finds herself caught up in an affair with an older married man, a colleague in her soulless office. <\/p>\n

Most were \u201cgorgeous messages\u201d, Gray says over video. But some caught her by surprise. They were missives from male readers who said Green Dot had finally made them understand how their mistress might feel about being the other woman. \u201cThey were thanking me,\u201d she says, laughing in astonishment. \u201cWow. Like, the fact that it took a whole novel about a mistress being disenfranchised for you to have empathy for your partner is wild. But also: thank you for reading the book, and I\u2019m glad that you have empathy.\u201d<\/p>\n

As literary conundrums go, Gray, who is 31, knew it was a better class of problem than most. Before publishing her hit novel, the author had worked in a Sydney bookshop, taking up a retail-assistant role to stave off the loneliness she felt sitting in her family home studying for her PhD in women\u2019s autobiographical literary theory. <\/p>\n

She had seen the tables full of books that didn\u2019t sell. She had served as a cheerleader to try to get authors to generate buzz about themselves. \u201cI\u2019d take their photos for social media. And make them pretend to be lions, like in Zoolander.\u201d Her quiet hope was that her own debut might last on the shelves a few weeks before being remaindered. <\/p>\n

But Green Dot beat the odds, catching fire with readers, drawing accolades from Caitlin Moran (\u201cevery sentence sparkles\u201d) and Nigella Lawson (\u201ca major talent\u201d) and placing Gray in a pantheon of zeitgeisty writers that includes Sally Rooney; the Sorrow and Bliss author, Meg Mason; and Naoise Dolan, who focus heavily on character interiority while surfing the uneasy waves of online culture, modern relationships and evolving societal structures. The novel was nominated for debut fiction book of the year at the British Book Awards, and a screen version is in development with the production company behind David Nicholls\u2019 One Day. <\/p>\n

Impostor syndrome loomed large when Gray returned to her safe haven writing space: King\u2019s Cross Library in Sydney. Was it a fluke? She didn\u2019t know. \u201cThe pressure came. I was, like, I don\u2019t know if I can write another book: I can only write this book,\u201d she says. Over a grainy-screened Google Meet, as she sits in the home she shares in Sydney with her wife and five-year-old son, you see the relief etched on her face that her sophomore outing is here in the world. <\/p>\n

A coming-of-age novel, Chosen Family propels us into the world of Eve Bowman and Nell Argall, charting their on-again, off-again friendship over two decades and documenting their experiences as artistic people floundering in a world that never seems well-made for them. <\/p>\n

The novel begins with the revelation that something terrible has happened and adult Nell is no longer in Eve\u2019s life. As the narrative unfolds, through flashbacks and flash-forwards, you gradually find out why Nell has made her exit. <\/p>\n

A loose-limbed, poignant, athletically written and acid-smart story of finding your tribe amid societal repression and deep personal uncertainty, Chosen Family is particularly acute on the subject of queer teenage identity<\/a>. <\/p>\n

I really wanted her to have good sex, because I have read so many versions of women who are interested in women or non-cis men having terrible first experiences<\/p>\n

Shame and unease pervade Eve\u2019s high-school experience. One of the most troubling scenes is when Eve treks out to the Grove, a patch of grass by a small beach where teens congregate, to find a boy to make out with, so she can pretend to her classmates that she is heterosexual. <\/p>\n

After giving a boy a handjob while older kids look on laughing, Eve is teased at school \u201cfor being a slut, but this is better than being teased for being a lesbian.\u201d Memories of that night haunt both Eve and Nell, who was an anxious bystander that fateful evening, horrified at having walked her friend into a desperate act of self-violation. <\/p>\n

The novel has some parallels with Gray\u2019s own experiences growing up. As with Eve, who is the daughter of single mom Emerald and has never known her father, Gray knows what it\u2019s like to experience familial division. Her parents separated when she was young, her father remarried, and she didn\u2019t cope well. Her stepmother, Helen, with whom she is now close, bore the brunt of her pain and disorientation. \u201cWhen I was a kid I was a real b**ch to her: really rude. Not because I didn\u2019t like her but because I didn\u2019t like the role she was in \u2013 ie, marrying my father.\u201d<\/p>\n

Gray was bullied for her sexuality at her Catholic school in Sydney, despite only identifying at that time, she says wryly, as a \u201cnerd\u201d. \u201cThe feeling of being \u2018other\u2019 is very real to me, and my last name is \u2018Gray\u2019, which is very easy to turn into \u2018gay\u2019,\u201d she says. \u201cI was \u2018Mattie Gay\u2019 for all of high school despite not even knowing if I was gay or not. Eve\u2019s journey definitely has resonances to my own.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was important to Gray to show that Eve could survive and thrive as a queer girl in Sydney. Eve forges her own bonds in life, making friends with Nell at 12, then hitting her stride at college with the help of her gregarious gay pals Marcus and Tae. Before long she\u2019s partying, flirting and staking out hot property on the queer scene. <\/p>\n

\"MadeleineMadeleine Gray: ‘I\u2019m scared. My child is half-Turkish. And the climate of racism in Australia and around the world and on social media is terrifying’ <\/p>\n

And \u2013 hold her beer, Heated Rivalry<\/a> \u2013 as the teenage Eve discovers who she is sexually, there are plenty of bedroom scenes that would rival anything from the steamy TV phenomenon. This was a deliberate move. <\/p>\n

\u201cI really wanted her to have good sex, because I have read so many versions of women who are interested in women or non-cis men having terrible first experiences, or feeling awkward or not knowing what they\u2019re doing and it all goes to hell in a handcart. <\/p>\n

\u201cI wanted Eve to think, \u2018My body\u2019s good, we\u2019re making each other feel good, and that rules.\u2019 It\u2019s so simple, and I hadn\u2019t seen it that much, especially in more mainstream, big-publisher books.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another topic that Gray explores with originality and nous in the book is the theme of what it means to be a parent. In adulthood, Nell has a personal crisis when she winds up becoming an adoring mother to a baby who, she worries, may grow up to feel that Nell is not as important as Nell wants to be in her life, because she didn\u2019t give birth to her. \u201cI wanted to look at how maternal roles can exist on a spectrum,\u201d Gray says. \u201cBeing the nonbiological parent is really tricky.\u201d<\/p>\n

The author married her partner, the artist and musician Bertie Blackman, in 2025, and became stepmother officially to their five-year-old. \u201cMy son, who is gorgeous, I didn\u2019t birth him,\u201d she says. \u201cI came into his life when he was about two. That was possibly the hardest thing I\u2019ve ever done in my life, but also the best. It\u2019s really tricky to become a parent when you don\u2019t know how to become a parent; you\u2019ve had no gestational period. There\u2019s a lot of impostor syndrome and people assuming you don\u2019t care as much. And I care so much.\u201d<\/p>\n

She\u2019s already thinking of how he will be accepted into the world they live in now. Australia recently banned social media for children under 16, but he will still come of age in a world governed by extremes. <\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m scared,\u201d Gray says. \u201cMy child is half-Turkish. His donor is Turkish. He\u2019s a brown boy. And the climate of racism in Australia and around the world and on social media is terrifying. <\/p>\n

\u201cAll I can try to do is read him every book that sends messages of love. His favourite book at the moment is Julian Is a Mermaid, a beautiful book about a kid who sees a drag parade and wants to be a mermaid. My son is the most loving, open person. That gives me hope that, no matter what\u2019s thrown at him, he\u2019ll be good.\u201d<\/p>\n

In the version of life that Gray offers up on the page, there is always the chance to write yourself a new ending, no matter how poor the odds or how difficult the world you find yourself in is. That\u2019s why the title Chosen Family is so important. \u201cIt\u2019s a phrase I love,\u201d she says. \u201cAnyone who makes a life for themselves with the people they want, that\u2019s what \u2018chosen family\u2019 is.\u201d <\/p>\n

Chosen Family is published by Weidenfeld & Nicolson<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"With success can come unintended consequences. When Madeleine Gray\u2019s debut novel, Green Dot, was published, in early 2024,…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":275457,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[986,93,61,60,4829,125724],"class_list":{"0":"post-275456","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-entertainment","8":"tag-australia","9":"tag-entertainment","10":"tag-ie","11":"tag-ireland","12":"tag-lgbtq","13":"tag-women-writers"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/275456","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=275456"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/275456\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/275457"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=275456"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=275456"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=275456"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}