{"id":276028,"date":"2026-02-01T22:51:22","date_gmt":"2026-02-01T22:51:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/276028\/"},"modified":"2026-02-01T22:51:22","modified_gmt":"2026-02-01T22:51:22","slug":"no-ceiling-lights-no-marble-and-absolutely-no-beige-unlikely-best-pals-society-tastemaker-nicky-haslam-and-mail-columnist-nadine-dorries-are-refurbishing-her-new-cotswolds-cottage-but-will-thei","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/276028\/","title":{"rendered":"No ceiling lights, no marble and absolutely no beige… Unlikely best pals, society tastemaker Nicky Haslam and Mail columnist Nadine Dorries, are refurbishing her new Cotswolds cottage. But will their friendship survive his brutal diktats?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Nadine Dorries<\/a> and Nicky Haslam are perched on the big green sofa in her sitting room in the Cotswolds, surrounded by wallpaper samples, fabric swatches, photos of exquisite Louis XV armchairs and a cloud of cigarette smoke and bickering happily.<\/p>\n

About colour schemes for her new home. And a television in a wooden cabinet with bifold doors that the former culture secretary<\/a> has set her heart on.<\/p>\n

\u2018No, no, no! SO middle class. You can\u2019t have that,\u2019 cries Nicky, appalled.<\/p>\n

And, particularly, her suggestion of a \u2018nice plaster ceiling rose\u2019 in place of the overhead light. \u2018Vile, absolutely vile! You are certainly not getting a ceiling rose. They are the most awful, common thing in this whole world.\u2019<\/p>\n

They can\u2019t even agree on when they became best friends.<\/p>\n

\u2018We met at a party in London<\/a>,\u2019 says Nicky, 86, and today a vision in a brown corduroy suit, burgundy cravat, cap, beaded bracelets and lovely white teeth.<\/p>\n

\u2018No, no, no, sweetie, it was in the Cotswolds,\u2019 says Nadine, 68, in understated beige.<\/p>\n

\u2018No, DARLING,\u2019 says Nicky firmly, fag in hand. \u2018It was in London. With Joan Collins. And I remember because there\u2019s always an instant with someone you really immediately love. They do one little thing when you meet them, like say, \u201cGod, doesn\u2019t Joan Collins look awful!\u201d and you love them for ever!\u2019<\/p>\n

And he laughs and stubs out his cigarette as Nadine makes frantic shush signs from her end of the sofa and mutters, \u2018Oh my God, you are going to get me into so much trouble! It wasn\u2019t even me who said it.\u2019<\/p>\n

Anyway, with apologies to Dame Joan \u2013 maybe she was having an off day \u2013 that was more than two years ago and, ever since, the pair have been great, if unlikely, besties.<\/p>\n

\"Nadine <\/p>\n

Nadine Dorries and Nicky Haslam, surrounded by wallpaper samples and fabric swatches, can’t even agree on when they became friends<\/p>\n

\"The <\/p>\n

The former culture secretary’s suggestion of a \u2018nice plaster ceiling rose\u2019 in place of the overhead light prompts: \u2018Vile, absolutely vile! You are certainly not getting a ceiling rose. They are the most awful, common thing in this whole world’<\/p>\n

One, Britain\u2019s most famous and poshest interior decorator who, over many years, has been best friends with everyone from Wallis Simpson to Andy Warhol, the Rolling Stones to Jean Shrimpton, has attended more parties than anyone on the planet and has said he loves a teeny bump of cocaine before, well, any major activity.<\/p>\n

The other, of course, a writer, columnist for this paper and former politician who was brought up on a council estate in Liverpool, but who has done very nicely, thank you very much. For the past couple of years they have been hanging out at each other\u2019s houses (barely five minutes apart in the Cotswolds) and at the pub.<\/p>\n

But mostly at parties where Nicky smokes endlessly, drinks tequila and they both spend a lot of time discussing everyone else there. \u2018Have you seen what she\u2019s wearing? Oh dear!\u2019<\/p>\n

They are still marvelling at the awfulness of the Claridge\u2019s Christmas tree unveiling party in December. \u2018Oh my God, that party \u2013 ghastly. Ghastly!\u2019 says Nicky, and makes a vomit face in utter disgust. \u2018Though everyone wanted to talk to you \u2013 Bob Geldof, Richard E Grant…\u2019 says Nadine.<\/p>\n

Anyway, somewhere along the way, and perhaps foolishly, they agreed that Nicky would bring his brilliantly eclectic style to Nadine\u2019s home \u2013 made of honey stone \u2013 and prise her away from her beloved beige. \u2018I\u2019m mostly retired, but what\u2019s the point in having a friend who\u2019s a decorator, if he doesn\u2019t decorate your home,\u2019 he says.<\/p>\n

(In case you haven\u2019t read about it in a recent column for this paper, Nadine recently downsized from a far bigger and grander house a few miles away, and it hasn\u2019t been easy.)<\/p>\n

\u2018The whole process blew my brain up. Downsizing was very hard and so emotional. My big house had status and prestige,\u2019 she says very honestly. \u2018I know I shouldn\u2019t say it, but I couldn\u2019t help thinking, \u201cWhat are my friends going to think of me \u2013 that I\u2019m broke? That I\u2019m getting old?\u201d\u2019<\/p>\n

So now she and her tiny house \u2013 of which Nicky strongly approves \u2013 have been added to a client list that includes the King, Sir Mick Jagger, Rod Stewart, Paolo Gucci, Bryan Ferry, and fellow Cotswolds dweller Anne Robinson, who reportedly paid \u00a3200,000 a room for the pleasure.<\/p>\n

Which means that Nicky is very much in charge. Which is a bit of a shock, because Nadine loves to be in control.<\/p>\n

And because, well, so far it hasn\u2019t gone entirely smoothly.<\/p>\n

For starters, their styles are so very different.<\/p>\n

A house designed by Nadine would be all creams and chromes. \u2018Cotswold chic\u2019, I think it\u2019s called. All light and lovely with a nice bit of dark furniture \u2013 a bit like I\u2019m dressed today\u2019, she says, smoothing her beige dress down. And that is exactly Nicky\u2019s worst nightmare.<\/p>\n

\u2018Gah! Ghastly. That\u2019s not decorating, that\u2019s just styling. Anybody can do that \u2013 it\u2019s just beige rot! For which I blame Kelly Hoppen, who I happen to like very much and is the sweetest person, but she\u2019s got terrible ideas.\u2019<\/p>\n

He, meanwhile, loves colour, texture, an awful lot of beautiful furniture and endless things to catch the eye. \u2018You need a lot of things to make a small room bigger. And never, ever, any ceiling lights. So common.\u2019<\/p>\n

Nicky has never really been one to keep his views to himself. He\u2019s long been a self-styled arbiter of taste, and every Christmas since 2018 his annual list of 40 Things I Find Common has been printed on a tea towel (now \u00a350), and has included everything from Bono, type 2 diabetes, Antony Gormley sculptures, Wordle and Kilner jars.<\/p>\n

It always causes a social stir. Particularly last year, when he included the Welsh Guards. Naturally, he applies the same approach to decorating.<\/p>\n

\u2018And please do call me a decorator,\u2019 he interjects. \u2018Because that\u2019s what I am. NOT an interior designer. Anyone can do that.\u2019 Unfortunately, a lot of his decorating b\u00eates noires would normally be on Nadine\u2019s wish list.<\/p>\n

Not just television cabinets and wall-to-wall cream in the hallway and stairs, where he\u2019s now insisting on a cocoa-coloured floor with a wide mustard-and-yellow striped wallpaper.<\/p>\n

\u2018Sometimes I have to guide you away from what you want,\u2019 he says.<\/p>\n

As well as ceiling lights \u2013 other than in a hallway where a pendant lamp is \u2018OK\u2019 \u2013 wall lights are also forbidden. \u2018Lamps are better, but please, not pleated shades!\u2019<\/p>\n

And his head nearly blows off when Nadine says she fancies a nice bit of marble from a shop down the road called Marble World. \u2018No, no, no. Real marble is disgusting. Looks horrible! So, so dreary. And I HATE green marble. Eughh!\u2019<\/p>\n

\"\u2018Unbe-f*****g-lievable!\u2019 <\/p>\n

\u2018Unbe-f*****g-lievable!\u2019 Nicky says of sourcing a beautiful Louis XV armchair for \u00a31,000<\/p>\n

\"Nicky's <\/p>\n

Nicky’s exquisite hand-painted picture shows his vision for what Nadine’s bland box of a sitting room will become<\/p>\n

He has also banned pretty much every stick of furniture she owns.<\/p>\n

The two sofas \u2013 \u2018wrong, wrong, wrong. The geometric rug \u2013 going. All the lighting. The three dark wood tables cluttering up the hallway \u2013 on the way out!\u2019<\/p>\n

(Which, presumably, is why, just before he arrived with his assistant, Flora, and bags and boxes of samples, she begged her builder to hide a new John Lewis shelving unit upstairs, so he wouldn\u2019t see it. \u2018Quick, quick, before he gets here \u2013 he\u2019s not very good on the stairs.\u2019)<\/p>\n

In fact, he\u2019s so fastidious that he can\u2019t even look at a trio of pictures leaning against the wall. \u2018No, no \u2013 they have to move. I can\u2019t focus with them in my eyeline.\u2019<\/p>\n

The only thing he\u2019s allowed her to keep is an antique cocktail cabinet that belonged to her late husband, Paul, who passed away in 2019.<\/p>\n

\u2018I don\u2019t love it, but you can\u2019t really see it behind the door,\u2019 he says. \u2018Anyway, are the staff here going to make a cup of tea soon?\u2019<\/p>\n

So Nadine jumps up and pops to the kitchen to do the honours. And then he lights his fourth cigarette and really gets stuck in. Not about Nadine \u2013 \u2018I adore her. I really do, but she needs help.\u2019<\/p>\n

But about \u2018horrible, greasy Stanley Tucci, so overdressed and pleased with himself in his tiny clothes\u2019. He met the American actor at the birthday party of his great friend, the late Jilly Cooper, down the road.<\/p>\n

How, at the same party, he mistook Poldark heartthrob and one-time possible James Bond Aidan Turner for an Iranian taxi driver. \u2018Tiny. Hideous. It was definitely him!\u2019<\/p>\n

And how much he adored both the late Queen \u2013 \u2018wonderful woman who wrote me lots of nice notes\u2019 \u2013 and the current Queen, with whom he has been great pals for years and finds \u2018adorable\u2019.<\/p>\n

And how he\u2019d never, ever decorate for the Beckhams.<\/p>\n

\u2018Good God, no! I don\u2019t want people with no taste! I want to work with people with good taste. They\u2019ve got no idea. They wouldn\u2019t know what taste is.\u2019 It is only when I ask about William and Kate that he turns to his assistant, Flora, and asks, \u2018What should I say?\u2019<\/p>\n

And she says firmly: \u2018You must be very polite, Nicky.\u2019 \u2018Well he\u2019s [William] my cousin so I can\u2019t not be polite. Well… I think she does a very good job. Though I much prefer… no, no.I mustn\u2019t say. Sorry, no. I\u2019m not saying.\u2019<\/p>\n

And the smell of Californian rose petals hangs in the air for a moment as Nadine comes back in with the tea, and our conversation turns to his \u2018proper friends\u2019, like David Cameron \u2013 \u2018though I didn\u2019t think much of his politics\u2019 \u2013 Jeremy Clarkson and Anne Robinson.<\/p>\n

\u2018And they all adore Nadine \u2013 though maybe not Anne. Not yet.\u2019<\/p>\n

\u2018She\u2019s terrifies me \u2013 scary, arch, forbidding!\u2019 says Nadine.<\/p>\n

\u2018She\u2019s fun!\u2019 says Nicky. \u2018You just have to give her back what she gives you. And her autobiography [Memoirs Of An Unfit Mother] \u2013 fabulous! Really wonderful. One of the greatest books ever written!\u2019<\/p>\n

Nadine, in return, has taken him to parties at Boris and Carrie\u2019s, her great pals down the road.<\/p>\n

\u2018But he knew everyone there already! He always does. He\u2019s an amazing raconteur and the best gossip you\u2019ll ever meet and his phone rings constantly when you\u2019re with him. It\u2019ll be Lady Glenconner, Mick Jagger, Rupert Everett.\u2019<\/p>\n

Today, he\u2019s a teeny bit unsteady on his feet \u2013 \u2018We\u2019re all getting on!\u2019 \u2013 and despite a nasty chesty cough, gamely lights fag after fag, if not actually smoking much of each.<\/p>\n

But there is absolutely nothing wrong with his sense of humour \u2013 making Nadine say \u2018lesbian, lesbian, lesbian\u2019 over and over during the photos, \u2018because it\u2019s the best word to make your face look good\u2019.<\/p>\n

Or his extraordinary talent for design.<\/p>\n

Once we\u2019ve cleared Nadine\u2019s furniture a bit, he unfurls an exquisite antique rug that will become the centrepiece for her sitting room.<\/p>\n

\u2018Ravishing, ravishing!\u2019 he cries in delight. \u2018Look at the swans thrashing about in the corners!\u2019<\/p>\n

He shows us pictures of the beautiful Louis XV armchairs he\u2019s somehow sourced for \u00a31,000 \u2013 \u2018Unbe-f*****g-lievable!\u2019 he says. \u2018I love to save money!\u2019<\/p>\n

And, finally, he hands Nadine an exquisite hand-painted picture of what her bland box of a sitting room will become.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s all pinks and greens and textures and wonderful and you immediately want to be in that room, sitting on the sofa.<\/p>\n

\u2018Oh my God. Oh my God,\u2019 she cries. \u2018You\u2019ve blown my mind.<\/p>\n

‘It\u2019s not very beige. But it\u2019s very beautiful. It\u2019s gorgeous \u2013 all that furniture!\u2018<\/p>\n

She seems to love it. At least on paper. It\u2019s certainly very different from anything she\u2019s ever lived in.<\/p>\n

But most of all, she loves him. Impossible not to. What a brilliant, brilliant man.<\/p>\n

So now for the big question, as the decorating team move in and her old furniture goes out.<\/p>\n

Will she get used to all the chintz and lamps and those wild thrashing swans?<\/p>\n

Will she invite us back to see the result?<\/p>\n

And, most importantly, will they still be best friends, gossiping at parties about everybody else there, when it\u2019s all over?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Nadine Dorries and Nicky Haslam are perched on the big green sofa in her sitting room in the…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":276029,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[539,93,61,60,50607,99,134314,43],"class_list":["post-276028","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-entertainment","tag-dailymail","tag-entertainment","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-joan-collins","tag-london","tag-nadine-dorries","tag-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/276028","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=276028"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/276028\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/276029"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=276028"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=276028"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=276028"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}