Dear Eric: I\u2019m a 73-year-old female who happily maintained a friendship I made my freshman year in college.<\/p>\n
Two years ago, I noticed changes in my friend\u2019s ability to carry on conversations and her lack of awareness of current events. After Covid\u2019s isolation, she and her husband seldom left their house, and her husband spent more time on his computer.<\/p>\n
My friend\u2019s calls to me became more frequent and repetitive even though she had no news or reason to phone. She repeated the same three or four stories and often within a five-minute span. I expressed my concerns about cognitive issues to her. She proudly reported that she was especially healthy, took no medications and came from a family who lived long lives. She thought she was fine.<\/p>\n
We have always lived in different states, so I reached out to a niece and expressed my concerns about her aunt. The niece phoned her and said I made contact to \u201ccheck up on her.\u201d Her niece sent me a text that she spoke with her aunt and she seemed \u201cjust fine.\u201d<\/p>\n
The anger from my friend \u201cinterfering in her life\u201d was vitriolic. I have my own mental health concerns and could not deal with the drama. I blocked contact, leaving behind a 54-year friendship. Did I fail her?<\/p>\n
\u2013 Concerned, not Interfering<\/p>\n
Dear Concerned: Reaching out to your friend and to a family member was the right thing. The Alzheimer\u2019s Association ( alz.org<\/a> ) has a 10-step guide for how to approach a friend or loved one about whom you have memory-related concerns; I refer to it often. Part of that plan involves alerting the friend or loved one to the changes you\u2019re seeing and asking if they\u2019ve noticed the same things. Another part of that plan involves reaching out to someone closer who can help or who might be able to confirm what you\u2019re seeing (or refute it).<\/p>\n These conversations are not always easy. Sometimes people experience shame when others speak to them about their health. Others might feel that people are talking about them behind their backs, which can be hard to handle.<\/p>\n I\u2019m sorry that the conversations you had prompted vitriol from your friend. But I\u2019d encourage you to unblock her. After 54 years, it\u2019s worth allowing her some grace, apologizing for any perceived overstepping, and starting over. A grudge won\u2019t do either of you any good. But a five-decade connection that allows for ups, downs, and changes, can continue to benefit you both.<\/p>\n Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com<\/a> or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram<\/a> and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n \u00a92026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.<\/p>\n