I like to pretend I am getting crankier as I get older. But I\u2019ve been aggrieved about one thing or another since the age of eight. Just a little George Costanza type running about in frilly socks in constant agitation with the world and those in it. Actually, it started earlier, according to my preschool report. In terms of performance, I excelled. There\u2019s a healthy row of ticks down the key performance indicator column. Yes, I did know my shapes. Yes, I could put my jacket on all by myself, which I\u2019m proud to say I can still do to this day, even after a few pints. I could wait my turn. I played well with others. <\/p>\n
So when it came to the teacher\u2019s comments at the bottom of all these superior results, you would be expecting a congratulatory note to my parents for raising a stellar student, the star prodigy of the class of 1994. But no. I got one sentence that read: \u201cBrianna is a lovely little girl but can easily get upset.\u201d<\/p>\n
How dare they. I wanted to yell as I read the report recently. I\u2019ll show them (in a harshly worded email about something that happened more than 30 years ago) just how hard it is to upset me. That\u2019s the key to looking rational and justified. That, and sprinkling in OdD CaPiTal LettErs so people don\u2019t think you\u2019re some loony on a rant. How do they know I was easily upset? Maybe my upset was justified. I went to school with kids called Jesyka and Kye. Confident, brash blonde-headed Australian children with y\u2019s where there should have been i\u2019s in their name who had no respect for rules like not mixing all the colours of Play-Doh together so the only available one was a big lump of brown. Was I easily upset, or did I just like order, respect and social cohesion?<\/p>\n
But three decades on, I think I can finally admit that I will always be a little bit upset about something. I don\u2019t want to be in a state of perma-annoyance, but how can I not be when these things exist?<\/p>\n
Documentaries that are glorified ads. From Molly-Mae to the Beckhams to Melania, these soapy, feature-length ads have less editorial integrity than late night infomercials shilling ab exercises on the home shopping channel. I wanted to like Melania Trump\u2019s recent effort. I really did. What woman hasn\u2019t empathised with her standing in the mile-long supermarket queue on December 23rd with an elf on the shelf to sort out?\u00a0She spoke for all of us when she said \u201cWho gives a f**k about the Christmas stuff? But I have do it\u201d. But the most insight I gained from her \u201cdocumentary\u201d was that she likes Michael Jackson and uses the same L\u2019Oreal Elnett hairspray as me. Will I watch the next one? Absolutely, yes.\u00a0People who try to board a train or tram while others are still getting off. How did you make it this far in life without understanding the basic laws of physics? You cannot move into a space with someone already in it.\u00a0Online entrepreneurs who tell you they\u2019re really rich and successful and you can be too. If you just buy their course. People who are actually rich and successful don\u2019t have to sell courses. They\u2019re too busy on a yacht. (I can tell you\u2019re filming TikToks in your ma\u2019s gaff from the Celtic Tiger-era curtain rods.)\u00a0Refusal to do basic research. Please stop asking AI questions you could easily Google and find the answer in the first three hits. It does not make me think you\u2019re using technology efficiently. It does however make me wonder if I can trust you to handle a sharp object without hurting yourself.\u00a0 The same goes for the modern scourge of people who demand answers to things they just need to figure out themselves. I love to help people in Irish and Australian expat groups by sharing specific knowledge I could only pick up by living there. I will not answer \u201ccan someone tell me how to get a visa?\u201d\u00a0or \u201ccan someone tell me what licence I need to drive a dumptruck?\u201d it\u2019s a simple search engine query away, and there\u2019s a question over whether someone this prone to half assedness should be operating heavy machinery.\u00a0Our lack of scientific ability to make tights that don\u2019t ladder but also look nice. We put a man on the moon. We made computers nearly sentient. But we\u2019re still putting a fingernail through 15 denier tights while in a rush. We still aren\u2019t free from the shackles of hopping on one leg, very stressed and very late, cursing \u201cthese b****rd things\u201d in the morning. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I like to pretend I am getting crankier as I get older. But I\u2019ve been aggrieved about one…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":284971,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[24401,72,631,61,60,709],"class_list":["post-284970","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-business","tag-brianna-parkins","tag-business","tag-for-you","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-magazine"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/284970","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=284970"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/284970\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/284971"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=284970"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=284970"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=284970"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}