She notes that at this stage in life, men will \u201ccome with their own baggage\u201d, and so does she, and she \u201cdoesn\u2019t particularly want to be trying to fix\u201d someone in their 50s.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf it was to happen, and it was somebody special, it would be great. But I can definitely say I don\u2019t think I\u2019d ever marry anybody again. I don\u2019t think I\u2019d ever live with anybody again. I don\u2019t want to be washing socks and jocks for a man now at this stage.\u201d<\/p>\n
Darren (47)* has been single for the past six years, and was nervous about \u201cgetting back out there… given how different the dating landscape is since the last time\u201d he was single, 20 years ago. <\/p>\n
He began actively trying to meet someone 18 months ago after hopes of a match \u201corganically, through work, nights out or friends\u201d never happened. Being the only single person in his friends group made him feel \u201cawkward\u201d on social occasions. Having no \u201cwing person\u201d meant he didn\u2019t feel comfortable trying speed dating or singles nights. <\/p>\n
The online dating experience as a man in his 40s is \u201cincredibly odd\u201d, he says. \u201cIt\u2019s basically a human Argos catalogue, and so the scrutiny of your value can be pretty crushing,\u201d he says. He would get \u201cvery few matches\u201d, \u201cmaybe one or two a week\u201d and he found this very \u201cdemoralising\u201d. <\/p>\n
He felt the exclusion filters that people can apply to others on the site were a barrier, because he was under 6ft, and a user of vapes. <\/p>\n
There might be a section that says \u2018the thrill of passion\u2019 and there\u2019s an emoji of fire. If you see that, immediately swipe left, because that\u2019s \u2018I just want sex and I want it now\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2014 \u00a0Elaine, on using an online dating app<\/p>\n
Darren also had to cope with women unmatching from him for a myriad of reasons. These could be simply asking how the women were; them finding out he has tattoos; them realising he wasn\u2019t good at DIY; that his children live with him half the time, and that he is legally separated but not divorced. <\/p>\n
Being rejected because of his star sign was the most bizarre. \u201cI had one lady unmatch with me because I was a Libra and she told me \u2018all Libras cheat\u2019 \u2013 that was news to me,\u201d he says. <\/p>\n
Despite the ups and downs, Darren plans to continue using the dating apps. \u201cI delete the app when I get sick of it and reinstall it when I feel lonely. It\u2019s a vicious cycle, but I don\u2019t see any other way of meeting someone.\u201d He says matchmakers are prohibitively expensive. <\/p>\n
Claire Treacy (45) is one of those with an online dating success story. She met her husband Dave on Tinder when she was 35. They now have two children.<\/p>\n
She tried the social single route, but found that even in pubs, a lot of men were \u201clike a rabbit in the headlights going \u2018oh my God, she wants to marry me\u2019, whereas [in reality] I just want to talk to you\u201d. Claire puts this down to a common misperception that women in their mid-30s just want to get married and have children.<\/p>\n
![\"Claire](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/FV7CATCTDZFQFN3Z5TLPJ7MMQA.JPG\")
Claire Treacy only experienced dating apps for six weeks, but even in that brief time she encountered unpleasant and explicit messages. Photograph: Alan Betson <\/p>\n
Dave was the second person she met online, so Claire only experienced the apps for six weeks, but even in that brief time she encountered unpleasant and explicit messages. \u201cI remember one guy, the first message was \u2018I have a big [penis]\u2019.\u201d She blocked him immediately.<\/p>\n
Dave \u201cjust came across as normal\u201d when she encountered him, she says, which is why she was drawn to him. \u201cHe was into normal things, like rugby\u2026 He\u2019d help anybody with anything. Even now, he always sees the good in things.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ultimately \u201cthe whole thing is luck\u201d, she says, \u201cwhether you meet online or not\u201d. <\/p>\n
[\u00a0Woman jailed for creating fake dating profiles of ex-partner in campaign of harassmentOpens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n Alanna (45)*, who has never been in a long-term relationship, always wanted to meet a special person. She embraced the newness of online dating during the initial stages. <\/p>\n \u201cI really wanted to meet someone and have that companionship \u2013and up to recently always wanted to have children, and I suppose have that idyllic fairytale that everybody has.\u201d<\/p>\n However, as time has passed, her enthusiasm for it has changed. \u201cMy experience of it has been a lot of ghosting [suddenly cutting off all contact with a person], going to meet people and they\u2019re not what they say in their profiles. And people misrepresenting themselves \u2013 that they\u2019re there for a relationship, but they\u2019re not really.\u201d<\/p>\n When the conversation would turn to children, Alanna was \u201calways very honest\u201d that it was something she envisaged for herself. \u201cThen you just wouldn\u2019t get anybody contacting you back, rather than being adult about it and saying \u2018well that\u2019s not what I want\u2019,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n We were chatting for about a year, and we met up once for lunch after talking for about nine months<\/p>\n \u2014 \u00a0Louise Cummins on meeting her partner<\/p>\n Online dating also meant a lot of time-wasters. \u201cThey weren\u2019t really looking for a relationship. That\u2019s the bottom line. I found it really soul destroying\u2026 it completely knocked my confidence. I was always trying to figure out what was wrong with me.\u201d<\/p>\n Conversations on apps have turned to \u201csexual talk, very quickly\u201d, Alanna says, leaving her wondering, \u201cHow did we even get here?\u201d <\/p>\n The younger men who contacted her were \u201cclearly not looking for any sort of relationships\u201d. \u201cBut there was also a lot of married people\u2026 or people in relationships, that you\u2019d discover after talking for a while.\u201d<\/p>\n Meeting people as you get older becomes more difficult, says Alanna. With many of her friends married and having children, the chances to be out meeting people were less. <\/p>\n
![\"Christine](\"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/02\/IZ4OGSCXVZDMPFSRYWWYKNRK3U.jfif.jpeg\")
Christine Redmond, cyberpsychology researcher at the Institute of Art, Design and Technology <\/p>\n