{"id":299075,"date":"2026-02-15T08:41:26","date_gmt":"2026-02-15T08:41:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/299075\/"},"modified":"2026-02-15T08:41:26","modified_gmt":"2026-02-15T08:41:26","slug":"consent-is-not-embarrassing-and-feeling-awkward-is-a-small-price-to-pay-for-true-intimacy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/299075\/","title":{"rendered":"Consent is not embarrassing and feeling awkward is a small price to pay for true intimacy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sex in Ireland has long been a topic few of us openly discuss. Many of us remember the contentious, day-long debate on RT\u00c9 Radio 1\u2019s Liveline in 2020 about the explicit nature of Normal People.\n <\/p>\n

We can laugh about comments comparing it to \u201ca porno movie\u201d now, but what we may not have realised at the time is just how pioneering popular culture can be in shaping and normalising conversations about sex, intimacy, and indeed, consent. Since then, we\u2019ve had many series\u00a0 which have pushed those conversations further, but few as successfully as Bridgerton, Netflix\u2019s hit Regency-era show known for its scandalous storylines and steamy romances.<\/p>\n

\"YerinYerin Ha as Sophie Beckett and Luke Thompson as Benedict Bridgerton in episode 401 of Bridgerton. Picture: Netflix<\/p>\n

Back for a fourth season, with two more on the way, its appeal ranges from lavish costumes to inclusive casting. For many viewers, though, it\u2019s the show\u2019s particularly passionate sex scenes that have captured the most attention. Amid the spectacle, Bridgerton centres on communication, consent, and female pleasure more than most mainstream depictions of sex.<\/p>\n

In later seasons, intimacy builds slowly, rather than racing toward the inevitable. Pauses and hesitation are all part of the courtship. In season two, when Kate and Anthony finally get together, consent is central.<\/p>\n

\u201cI will stop,\u201d says Anthony, to which Kate replies, \u201cDo not stop\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think there\u2019s something incredibly sexy about consent generally,\u201d Jonathan Bailey said in an interview, explaining that the line wasn\u2019t originally scripted but was put in to be \u201crespectful\u201d and \u201cunderstanding\u201d.<\/p>\n

Historically, sex scenes on TV and in film have followed quite a rigid formula; they\u2019re almost always spontaneous, wordless, performance-driven, and crucially, overwhelmingly centred on male pleasure. Consent is rarely articulated, and silence has long been mistaken for \u201cchemistry\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s a misconception that consent is embarrassing, that it\u2019s going to ruin the mood, that it\u2019s awkward,\u201d says Grace Alice O\u2019Shea, a sex and intimacy specialist, author, and podcaster. \u201cBut just because something feels a bit awkward doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s not worth doing.<\/p>\n

\u201cActually, awkwardness is a very small price to pay for the knowledge that both you and your partner are really happy with what\u2019s going on and you\u2019re both really enjoying yourselves.\u201d<\/p>\n

How consent can deepen desire<\/p>\n

Bridgerton\u2019s love scenes are arguably more nuanced than other depictions of sex, but as O\u2019Shea mentions, very little of the content we consume is totally realistic. Sex may appear to unfold organically on screen, but it has been carefully orchestrated to look that way.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s so scripted,\u201d she says, citing the rise of intimacy coordinators who plan sex scenes out \u201calmost like a fight scene or an action scene\u201d.<\/p>\n

Porn, she adds, operates similarly. It is \u201cadult entertainment\u201d, not education \u2014centred on fantasy and performance, rather than communication or mutual pleasure. If consent isn\u2019t being expressed or communicated in the media we\u2019re consuming, it\u2019s easy to see why having those conversations in real life can feel \u201cunnatural\u201d to people \u2014 but they shouldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

\"SimoneSimone Ashley as Kate Sharma, Jonathan Bailey as Anthony Bridgerton in episode 204 of Bridgerton. Picture: Netflix<\/p>\n

\u201cI would argue it\u2019s the most natural thing in the world to want your partner to feel really good,\u201d says O\u2019Shea.<\/p>\n

As with any television drama or Netflix production, Bridgerton\u2019s sex scenes have been meticulously planned out, but they still make room for hesitation, reassurance, and shared participation, showing that consent can exist as part of desire.<\/p>\n

Of course, alcohol can further complicate matters, as it impairs our ability to give valid consent.<\/p>\n

\u201cAlcohol blurs and weakens our capacity to be fully present and to make good decisions,\u201d says O\u2019Shea.<\/p>\n

If the two are to mix, both parties must have an open conversation beforehand. The HSE\u2019s sexual wellbeing guidance reflects this, highlighting that consent requires capacity and clarity. Consent is not simply the absence of a \u201cno\u201d, but the presence of a clear and voluntary \u201cyes\u201d \u2014 something that becomes more difficult under the influence of drugs or alcohol.<\/p>\n

Dominant sexual scripts \u2014 reinforced through popular culture and wider social expectations \u2014 have perpetuated the idea that men are verbally assertive while women communicate desire indirectly, through body language, passivity, or silence.<\/p>\n

\u201cWider culture often teaches people what sex should look like, but not how it should be negotiated,\u201d says psychosexual and relationship therapist Aoife Drury. When desire is framed this way \u2014 \u201cimmediate and wordless\u201d, as Drury puts it \u2014 the responsibility for initiating and interpreting consent is unevenly distributed.<\/p>\n

\u201cMany dominant sexual scripts still frame men as initiators and women as responders,\u201d she continues. \u201cResponsibility for clarity isn\u2019t shared equally, which creates situations where ambiguity is normalised, even though it\u2019s a poor substitute for consent.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n Bridgerton\u00a0disrupts the traditional imbalance, showing communication flowing both ways, with female desire at the centre rather than on the periphery as we\u2019ve come to expect.<\/p>\n

According to research in the bestselling book<\/p>\n

Come As You Are\u00a0by Emily Nagoski, 70% of women can only climax through clitoral stimulation. Bridgerton centring female pleasure shouldn\u2019t be groundbreaking, but unfortunately, it\u2019s still a new concept.<\/p>\n

As Julia Quinn, the author of the books that inspired the screen adaptation of\u00a0Bridgerton\u00a0, once said: \u201cThat feminisation of intimacy is so revolutionary that people say, \u2018well, it must be sexy and raunchy.\u2019\u201d But the only difference is that it is being shown through the female gaze.<\/p>\n

Communication is vital<\/p>\n

Why does clear, enthusiastic, informed consent lead to better sexual experiences? Because, as O\u2019Shea points out: \u201cThe best sex and intimacy comes from being able to be vulnerable with a partner and being able to talk about what you\u2019re into, what you like, what you want. To do that, [you need] a level of communicated consent, ideally physical and verbal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Whether it\u2019s casual or committed is besides the point, because \u201cconsent needs to happen in all sorts of conversations\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cTo be a good sexual partner is to be a good sexual communicator,\u201d she continues. \u201cYou can\u2019t separate the two.\u201d<\/p>\n

Drury echoes the idea that good sex is rooted in communication, emphasising that consent must be ongoing. People mistakenly believe that it\u2019s just for first-time lovers, but that isn\u2019t so.<\/p>\n

\"LukeLuke Newton as Colin Bridgerton, Nicola Coughlan as Penelope Bridgerton in episode 401 of Bridgerton. Picture: Netflix<\/p>\n

\u201cDesires, bodies, and circumstances change, and intimacy needs to be able to respond to that,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

\u201cMost misunderstandings and harm actually occur in long-term relationships, where consent is often assumed rather than checked in with. Seeing consent as evolving allows space for nuance, change of mind, and different kinds of intimacy. Consent then can support a connection that is responsive rather than routine.\u201d<\/p>\n

While false assumptions and misunderstandings persist about sex, it\u2019s clear that consent is now widely recognised enough to provoke collective criticism when it\u2019s mishandled \u2014 a cultural shift that would have seemed unlikely two decades ago.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re in a transition period,\u201d says Drury. \u201cHaving the language doesn\u2019t always mean it\u2019s easy to live out in relationships and communicate our needs\u2026 people are more informed, but still unlearning deep-seated scripts around gender, responsibility, and who sex is \u2018for\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

Part of that transition has also been moving away from intimacy designed with just heterosexual men in mind.<\/p>\n

For decades, mainstream depictions of sex have centred on male pleasure \u2014treating male orgasm as the natural end point and largely forgetting female desire. Bridgerton has shown that stories told for women, from their perspective, can have huge power \u2014 not just in reframing intimacy, but in encouraging more honest conversations.<\/p>\n

\"BridgertonBridgerton season four, Picture: Netflix<\/p>\n

Beyond film and TV, projects like the Department of Justice\u2019s recent advert campaign helps normalise the concept of consent in sexual relationships, framing it as an ongoing conversation as opposed to a one-off agreement. If consent has become central to how we understand good sex, then perhaps Bridgerton\u2019s real appeal lies in how seamlessly it weaves that into its storylines. The sexual tension doesn\u2019t come from uncertainty or miscommunication between characters, but from anticipation and mutual enjoyment.<\/p>\n

By treating communication as integral to desire \u2014and female pleasure as important \u2014 the series reflects a cultural shift. It\u2019s not about sex without limits, but intimacy shaped by clarity, agency, and mutual choice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Sex in Ireland has long been a topic few of us openly discuss. Many of us remember the…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":299076,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[93,61,60,282,138699],"class_list":{"0":"post-299075","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-tv","8":"tag-entertainment","9":"tag-ie","10":"tag-ireland","11":"tag-tv","12":"tag-valentine"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/299075","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=299075"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/299075\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/299076"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=299075"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=299075"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=299075"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}