{"id":30786,"date":"2025-09-19T11:47:08","date_gmt":"2025-09-19T11:47:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/30786\/"},"modified":"2025-09-19T11:47:08","modified_gmt":"2025-09-19T11:47:08","slug":"it-was-real-violence-and-i-needed-protection-where-was-my-father-there-was-blood-all-over-me-the-irish-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/30786\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2018It was real violence, and I needed protection. Where was my father? There was blood all over me\u2019 \u2013 The Irish Times"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m sitting in Brenda Fricker<\/a>\u2019s big and peaceful ground-floor bedroom. The 80-year-old star of The Field and My Left Foot is sitting up in her bed. I\u2019m in the chair beside it as she tells me about her beautiful but raw memoir, She Died Young: A Life in Fragments.<\/p>\n

She has had health problems recently. When she started writing the book, \u201cI was 76 and healthy. And I went down to Galway<\/a> with Deirdre Nuttall,\u201d she says, referring to her collaborator on the memoir. \u201cShe was going to tell me how to write a book. We signed in to the hotel and said, \u2018Let\u2019s take a walk down by the seaside,\u2019 and I fell.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd that was the first fall out of 11. Both shoulders broken, this one three times. I can show you the scar. A psychiatrist I work with in Beaumont, he said, \u2018I think, Brenda, this is a subtle attempt to get out of writing the book.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Fricker\u2019s house is three cottages in Dublin 8<\/a> that have been turned into one. She points out pictures on the wall of her beloved Aunt Nonee, with whom she would stay in Kerry as a child, and her grandnephew. \u201cI love the bones of him,\u201d she says. There\u2019s also a photograph of her as a teenager beside the bed. It\u2019s on the cover of the book. \u201cThat was the day I was told I had TB.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her dog, Juno, comes into the room from time to time. \u201cShe had a Paycock, who sadly died some years ago. It\u2019s said Mr O\u2019Casey<\/a> himself had a fondness for dogs.\u201d<\/p>\n

There are a lot of books in the room, too. Fricker reads a lot but says, \u201cI\u2019m just showing off because I\u2019m insecure and had no education. You can say I have a chip on my shoulder.\u201d<\/p>\n

She\u2019s funny and warm and curious, with a propensity for occasional off-the-record storytelling. She affectionately refers to me as a rocker. \u201cI made inquiries about you,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Fricker is nervous to hear what I think of the memoir. It\u2019s a very moving book that deals with upsetting things: parental abuse, sexual violence, tuberculosis, serious mental health struggles, and miscarriages. There\u2019s joy, too: wild times with her sister, Gr\u00e1nia, in Spain, performing music in New York pubs with her friend Anne, the joy of being in a theatre or on a set. She\u2019s touched that I read it all.<\/p>\n

\u201cNone of this was planned,\u201d she says. \u201cNothing in my life was planned … I fell in love with words through Ena Burke\u201d \u2013 her childhood drama teacher \u2013 \u201cand language and poetry. She\u2019d divide us into groups of six and would tell us to write and perform a play.\u201d <\/p>\n

\"BrendaBrenda Fricker on her first day of school <\/p>\n

She met her friend Joan Bergin<\/a>, the triple Emmy-winning costume designer, in that class. She wanted to write a whole chapter on Bergin\u2019s success, she says.<\/p>\n

After school Fricker got a job as a trainee reporter at The Irish Times and spent a lot of time drinking with actors and writers in the nearby Pearl bar, on Fleet Street. There, one day, she was told that Miche\u00e1l MacLiamm\u00f3ir<\/a>, the Gate Theatre founder, needed an actor for a small role, and her career began.<\/p>\n

Fricker has no pretensions about her craft, rooting it all in good writing. \u201cSomething comes into their head and they write it down and it\u2019s from their brain and their life,\u201d she says. \u201cThey write scenes and people and beginnings and ends and they give it to you. You\u2019re just a middleman, really … You want to speak the words out loud, because they\u2019re beautiful.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou read that and I read this and we play a game … That\u2019s all you do. It\u2019s that simple. As an actor you\u2019re not an artist, but you\u2019re surrounded by arty people. That makes it a good place to be … I still just think of it as playing games.\u201d<\/p>\n

Why is she good at it? \u201cI\u2019m not sure I was ever good at it. I enjoy it.\u201d<\/p>\n

But she\u2019s clearly very talented \u2013 she won an Oscar. She laughs. Her main aim with the book, she says, was to write it without once mentioning \u201cthe Oscar word\u201d. It slipped into the final version. \u201cI was livid,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

\"BrendaBrenda Fricker with Richard Harris during filming of The Field <\/p>\n

Fricker largely steers clear of celebrity stories in the memoir, though there is a funny chapter about her growing irritation with Daniel Day-Lewis<\/a>\u2019s refusal to drop out of character on the set of My Left Foot, in which he played the writer and artist Christy Brown<\/a>, who was born with cerebral palsy. (They both won Academy Awards for their roles in Jim Sheridan\u2019s feature.) \u201cDaniel will ring me now and say, \u2018Brenda, I love you far too much to give out to you.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

For the most part her memoir circles much darker things. Her father, Des, an Irish Times writer and RT\u00c9 broadcaster, was neglectful, and her mother, Bina, a language teacher, was horrifically violent towards her. <\/p>\n

\u201cIt was real violence, and I needed protection,\u201d Fricker says. \u201cWhere was my father? I worshipped him. There was evidence. There was blood all over me. Blood seeping through the socks. He saw that. It\u2019s hard to explain. Somebody should have inquired, \u2018What\u2019s going on here?\u2019 In those days you didn\u2019t interfere with your neighbours.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her sister, Gr\u00e1nia, who is older, was her saviour. \u201cI adored her.\u201d She recites a line from a poem she wrote about how she would climb under the kitchen table and how Gr\u00e1nia \u201cstood in front and took the blows that Bina meant for me\u201d.<\/p>\n

When her mother died of a brain tumour, Gr\u00e1nia asked a surgeon who had operated on her, \u201c\u2018Could that come with violence?\u2019 and he said, \u2018very possibly\u2019. We took that as some kind of comfort.\u201d<\/p>\n

If that weren\u2019t enough hardship for anyone, at the age of 14 Fricker was in a horrific car crash that she needed two years to recover from. It was, she claims, the car of the Fianna F\u00e1il minister Frank Aiken<\/a>, although she isn\u2019t sure if that\u2019s who was driving. \u201cIt broke my parents.\u201d In the book she suggests that the establishment closed ranks and protected him.<\/p>\n

\"SheShe Died Young: Brenda Fricker on the day of her first Holy Communion with her parents, Des and Bina <\/p>\n

In her later teens she had TB and spent time in a sanatorium. Both instances knocked out several crucial years of development. \u201cI missed out on a lot,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

How did it affect her? \u201cI think I had a much greater capacity for happiness as a child. I don\u2019t know where I lost that.\u201d <\/p>\n

She thinks for a moment and changes her mind. \u201cI have a great capacity for happiness, actually.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fricker also writes about two horrific rapes she experienced as a young woman, both of which she describes in upsetting detail. How was the experience of writing about them after all these years? \u201cYou don\u2019t want to be writing that. It was very, very hard. Weeping and gnashing of teeth, as they say. It was very hard.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her relationship with her late ex-husband, the director Barry Davis, is painted very lovingly in the book. She tells me how sensitive he was when they first got together. \u201cThe man was amazing. Truly amazing.\u201d He showed her that love could be \u201cso beautiful and there\u2019s so much joy. I\u2019d never have known that without him. That was a huge thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

They parted ways ultimately because of his alcoholism, but they stayed friends. \u201cHe taught me respect … I definitely loved Barry, no doubt about that. But the drink, the drink, the drink. After we had the divorce we went to the pictures. It was a tragedy, the drink.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"BrendaBrenda Fricker with Barry Davis, when they were married, in Hyde Park in London <\/p>\n

He died at the age of 54 after falling down the stairs. \u201cHe had nobody with him and wasn\u2019t found until Monday. How long is a minute when you\u2019re dying? It was very sad.\u201d<\/p>\n

Her sister died in her sleep. \u201cThe only reason we think she wasn\u2019t in turmoil is she had her arms around one of her dogs, and in the morning the dog was still there. If she had tossed and turned the dog wouldn\u2019t have been still there.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was writing about the sadder elements in the book cathartic in any way?<\/p>\n

She laughs sadly. \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

Did she talk to her friends about the things she wrote about in the book? \u201cThe maudlin stuff? Sure, we\u2019re all maudlin. We\u2019re Irish … My friends wouldn\u2019t have known about any of that.\u201d She pauses. \u201cThey knew about S\u00e9amus S. Which nobody understands.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fricker is referring to the chapter of the book I found the most upsetting. S\u00e9amus S \u2013 not his real name \u2013 taught her elocution when she was eight years old. She idolised him, and continues to, even though, as she tells it, he regularly masturbated in her presence.<\/p>\n

\u201cI tried to tell the absolute truth about it,\u201d she says. S\u00e9amus S encouraged her and taught her and was impressed by her, she says. \u201cI never got anything from my father. I got nothing from my mother. I\u2019d be asking questions all the time, getting on people\u2019s nerves. But I didn\u2019t get on his nerves.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat he wanted from me never frightened me, never threatened me. He never touched me … I stayed in touch with him right into adulthood. I\u2019d call him up for advice. There was a lot of friendship there.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"BrendaBrenda Fricker and Daniel Day-Lewis in My Left Foot. Photograph: Jonathan Hession\/Ferndale Films <\/p>\n

Fricker is worried people will think of him as \u201ca dirty old man\u201d. I tell her I find it troubling that she still feels positively towards him. \u201cI should be a victim?\u201d she asks.<\/p>\n

Her attitude towards him seems like the product of grooming. \u201cMaybe. But I wasn\u2019t frightened at all … How did he groom me?\u201d<\/p>\n

I think because she was small and there was a lot of sadness in her life, he knew that giving her things she needed emotionally would mean he could get what he wanted.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t think of it that way,\u201d she says. \u201cI know about Patty Hearst syndrome\u201d \u2013 aka Stockholm syndrome \u2013 \u201cand I know all that stuff. I\u2019m not a fool. I\u2019m just loyal to him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Was she worried about including that chapter in the book? \u201cI was more worried about writing about depression, to be honest.\u201d<\/p>\n

She Died Young includes a very sad and harrowing stream-of-consciousness chapter in which Fricker depicts what it felt like when she was in the throes of mental distress. She had been self-harming since she was a child. \u201cI think it was self-hate. When you get beaten up and don\u2019t understand it …\u201d<\/p>\n

She links some of it to Catholic imagery and to her mother\u2019s Catholicism. \u201cThe Stations of the Cross and the blood, that kind of affected me. It\u2019s hard to know. Part of it was revenge on Bina, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"SheShe Died Young: Brenda Fricker with her parents, Bina and Des, and sister, Gr\u00e1nia <\/p>\n

In later life, after 31 suicide attempts and several stints in hospital, Fricker started seeing the acclaimed psychiatrist Dr Anthony Clare<\/a>. She credits him with healing her. \u201cThere was so much pain, but Anthony Clare, I don\u2019t know how he did it, but he just eased it all down for me … I think a lot of it was actually being able to talk about it and kind of just accepting it.\u201d<\/p>\n

How is her depression now? \u201cIt\u2019s better. It\u2019s copable. I\u2019m on the strongest antidepressant in the land. I take them and I can cope.\u201d<\/p>\n

Beyond these sadder stories, Fricker has had a fascinating life. As I tune an old lute-shaped guitar for her \u2013 one she got from a production of Romeo and Juliet \u2013 she tells me about how the Spanish guitarist Andr\u00e9s Segovia taught her to play her first few chords.<\/p>\n

Despite a tendency towards introversion, she loved the social side of creativity in those early years. \u201cThere was far more creative work in my life in that period than there has been ever since,\u201d she says. \u201cIt all became really serious, and the fun has gone out of it. You\u2019re more creative when you\u2019re pissed.\u201d She laughs.<\/p>\n

[\u00a0Thirty years ago, My Left Foot reinvented Irish filmOpens in new window<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n

She asks if I ever knew her friend Nell McCafferty<\/a>, the legendary journalist, who died in 2024. I didn\u2019t. \u201cYou\u2019re missing out. She was an amazing woman … I never had an affair with her. I should have, actually. Everyone thought we had an affair. I loved her very much. She was a wonderful person.\u201d<\/p>\n

One of her favourite actors is Dirk Bogarde<\/a>. She was once meant to work with him on a project, and when he dropped out she sent him an angry, profanity-strewn letter that she includes in the book. She remains mortified by this.<\/p>\n

\u201cI still don\u2019t know why he didn\u2019t have me arrested, because the letter I wrote him was so appalling. But we became great buddies then. He became a lovely writer. His letters were beautiful. He wrote me one on a shopping bag. It was beautiful. He just couldn\u2019t find paper. He had a great sense of humour.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fricker seems to have an affinity for all kinds of people. She writes with tenderness of the Co Kerry-based relatives by whom she felt truly loved as a child and of the Irish cleaners she once worked with in a hospital in London. \u201cI loved them because we were immigrants together. And they were lost. They were never going home, but they had their dignity and humour.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"TheThe Swallow: Brenda Fricker in Tadhg O’Sullivan’s new film. Photograph: Feargal Ward <\/p>\n

Part of the reason Fricker has written She Died Young is financial \u2013 she has over the years lost money, she says. She believes her finances weren\u2019t managed as well as they could have been. <\/p>\n

After her initial wave of Hollywood success, at the age of 55, she had intended to retire. <\/p>\n

\u201cI thought I\u2019d get 10 border collies, walk on Selerna beach\u201d \u2013 in Cleggan, Co Galway \u2013 \u201cgo out to the islands, go down to Coyne\u2019s pub, where you can get the best pint in Ireland, get pissed with the fishermen and walk home and sleep. That was my plan.\u201d<\/p>\n

But she no longer had all her savings. <\/p>\n

\u201cAt 55, starting again as a woman in that business is tough. I had to do things I\u2019d never done … It\u2019s really hard work. If you get a good editor you might be lucky. I did some films I\u2019m ashamed of and some I\u2019m not ashamed of.\u201d<\/p>\n

She names some of the ones she\u2019s proud of, such as Swann, with Miranda Richardson, and So I Married an Axe Murderer, with Mike Myers. \u201cThat was great crack.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fricker still acts, most recently in The Swallow, Tadhg O\u2019Sullivan<\/a>\u2019s new film, which she\u2019s also proud of. She did it, she says, \u201cbecause I liked him very much. He\u2019s very clever. A lovely man.\u201d<\/p>\n

[\u00a0Donald Clarke reviews The Swallow: Brenda Fricker holds the screen as few others could<\/a>\u00a0]<\/p>\n

Writing the book was sometimes painful, but she got joy from it too, she says. She typed much of it on her phone while she was recuperating in bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I\u2019d get on to a good bit I\u2019d be delighted with myself. There was one night and I couldn\u2019t straighten up because it was nine hours nonstop. Total concentration but no discipline.\u201d She laughs. \u201cMy sister used to say, \u2018If it\u2019s an emergency, call Brenda. If you want to know what day of the week it is, don\u2019t go near her.\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n

Why was it important to tell the darker stories now, at 80? \u201cThere are women everywhere in the dark, and I know that reading other people definitely helped me to not feel as alone. You feel like, \u2018One other person feels that way.\u2019 If it helps one person, it\u2019s worth it.\u201d<\/p>\n

She Died Young: A Life in Fragments is published by Apollo. You can contact Samaritans on freephone 116123 or by email at jo@samaritans.ie<\/a>. The national rape crisis helpline is on freephone 1800-778888 or at the email address counselling@rcc.ie<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I\u2019m sitting in Brenda Fricker\u2019s big and peaceful ground-floor bedroom. The 80-year-old star of The Field and My…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":30787,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[24849,24843,24847,13788,24851,93,24848,61,60,24845,24846,24850,24844,24852],"class_list":{"0":"post-30786","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-entertainment","8":"tag-anthony-clare","9":"tag-brenda-fricker","10":"tag-christy-brown","11":"tag-daniel-day-lewis","12":"tag-dirk-bogarde","13":"tag-entertainment","14":"tag-frank-aiken","15":"tag-ie","16":"tag-ireland","17":"tag-joan-bergin","18":"tag-micheal-mac-liammoir","19":"tag-nell-mccafferty","20":"tag-sean-o-casey","21":"tag-tadhg-o-sullivan"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30786","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=30786"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/30786\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/30787"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=30786"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=30786"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=30786"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}