this story<\/a>, so she finally put her foot down and said she was leaving no matter what, and now her friend is always crying.<\/p>\nMy (25F) roommate (26F) has been struggling with her mental health, and it\u2019s been giving me immense caretaker burnout.<\/p>\n
Is it really her job to fix this?<\/p>\n
When I try to help her, she would come up with excuses why those things wouldn\u2019t work. So I recently told her I\u2019m moving out.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s where I know I\u2019m TA, and I don\u2019t need judgment passed on this one: I told her during a bad time, and in a mean way.<\/p>\n
This happens to the best of us.<\/p>\n
I let my emotions and my pride get the better of me.<\/p>\n
I yelled at her mid-crashout (both hers and mine, frankly), gave her the resources to a crisis center, and told her that that was the last thing I was doing for her, because I was moving out at the end of February.<\/p>\n
At least she apologized.<\/p>\n
I spent the weekend cooling off. Most of all, I just felt shame. I texted her to apologize, telling her that she didn\u2019t deserve the stern way in which I treated her.<\/p>\n
While I was clearing my head, I resolved that, in order to take care of myself, I\u2019m not budging on my decision to move.<\/p>\n
I think this is a wise decision.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not letting her affect my emotions, and I\u2019m only sticking to the responsibilities that I legally have.<\/p>\n
I ended up in a peaceful place about all of this.<\/p>\n
That is plenty of notice.<\/p>\n
I told her on the 1\/11. I\u2019m paying for February, but I\u2019ll be outta here by 2\/1, so she\u2019ll need another roommate by March. That was about 48 days notice.<\/p>\n
She asked if I might be able to work together with her until the summer, so that if her mental health got better, I\u2019d stay.<\/p>\n
Good, stand firm.<\/p>\n
I told her that that was not on the table.<\/p>\n
She kept on saying she wants me to understand how much I hurt her. That this is the biggest crisis she\u2019s in now, that her parents had to cancel their vacation to deal with this emergency.<\/p>\n
She needs to take responsibility for herself.<\/p>\n
She told me that I shattered every bit of progress she\u2019s made, and when I told her I do understand, she said, \u201cDo you?\u201d<\/p>\n
And frankly, yeah. I do. I know exactly how much this hurts her and grasp the consequences of it.<\/p>\n
Taking care of yourself is the right thing to do.<\/p>\n
She thinks that I don\u2019t understand because despite knowing how much this hurts her, I\u2019m doing it anyway.<\/p>\n
Engaging with her distress in any way always turns into an unhealthy back-and-forth.<\/p>\n
Leaving will likely be good for the roommate as well.<\/p>\n
I think that that whole conversation, I said nothing else besides, \u201cNo,\u201d \u201cI understand,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d I apologized again for my harshness, but that\u2019s it.<\/p>\n
Beyond that, it\u2019s in nobody\u2019s best interest for me to engage with her emotions at all.<\/p>\n
Well, there\u2019s an obvious guilt trip.<\/p>\n
Anyway, she ended the conversation by saying, \u201cJust a heads up, I\u2019ll be crying a lot, and it\u2019s 100% about this.\u201d<\/p>\n
I told her, \u201cSounds good.\u201d And that was that. I resumed packing.<\/p>\n
Yes, this is very clearly the situation.<\/p>\n
My personal take is that she\u2019s trying to work my guilt into a codependent dynamic. But I\u2019m burnt out and exhausted, and I need to get out of here before I waste myself away trying to help her.<\/p>\n
I think that I gave her ample time to find a roommate (48 days). I can barely stay a second longer.<\/p>\n
She has done more than she should have.<\/p>\n
But what are my duties here? What do I owe to her out of human decency, beyond legal obligations?<\/p>\n
AITA?<\/p>\n
She would never be satisfied. This roommate just wants her to be there to support her, and that is not fair.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s see what the people in the comments have to say about it.<\/p>\n
This commenter sums it up nicely.<\/p>\n
![\"Comment](\"https:\/\/twistedsifter.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/lazy-load-0.7\/images\/1x1.trans.gif\" "\\"She")
<\/p>\n
Exactly, the roommate is way out of line.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
She needs to get professional help.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Guilt trips are never healthy.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t let this woman ruin your life.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Always put your own mental health first.<\/p>\n
If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don\u2019t hold up their end of the bargain.<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Shutterstock, Reddit When a friend is having a difficult time with their mental health, it is nice to…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":313843,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[26210,27504,110919,103,61,60,410,411,18376,7191,146713,146714,689],"class_list":{"0":"post-313842","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-mental-health","8":"tag-aita","9":"tag-friend","10":"tag-guilt-trip","11":"tag-health","12":"tag-ie","13":"tag-ireland","14":"tag-mental-health","15":"tag-mentalhealth","16":"tag-picture","17":"tag-reddit","18":"tag-roommate","19":"tag-roommate-drama","20":"tag-top"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/313842","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=313842"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/313842\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/313843"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=313842"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=313842"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=313842"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}