{"id":385164,"date":"2026-04-06T19:45:13","date_gmt":"2026-04-06T19:45:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/385164\/"},"modified":"2026-04-06T19:45:13","modified_gmt":"2026-04-06T19:45:13","slug":"ive-seen-a-copy-of-my-parents-will-and-im-named-executor-on-it-but-some-things-have-changed-since-then","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/385164\/","title":{"rendered":"I’ve seen a copy of my parents’ will and I’m named executor on it. But some things have changed since then."},"content":{"rendered":"

Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here<\/a>. (It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt,<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a 57-year-old gay married male who had to make the conscious decision to finally cut my immediate family (parents and sister) out of my life about six\u00a0years ago because they are all Trumpets and bigots. Our relationship had been extremely toxic for many years and I cut them off for my own sanity. I don\u2019t regret that decision, but I am plagued often with guilt for not speaking with them (but that\u2019s content for another letter).<\/p>\n

My parents are now in their early 80s. About 15 years ago, they sent me a copy of their will which named me the executor (I am their only son and eldest child). I don\u2019t want this job, but at the same time, I\u2019m willing to be the executor if that\u2019s still their preference out of basic respect for them and the good home they provided me when I was young (until I came out).<\/p>\n

And yet, I have much reason to believe that my parents changed their will since our falling out; still, I don\u2019t know this for sure. There will likely be an estate with property and money that, frankly, I could use, though I\u2019m in no way depending on it or expecting it after so many years of no-contact. And since going no-contact with my parents, it\u2019s likely they\u2019d cut me out of their will out of spite (they are highly transactionally-minded people).<\/p>\n

Aside from contacting them about all this (I just can\u2019t reopen this wound\u2014trust me, it\u2019s too much to deal with, and they all refused for years to go to counseling with me). Is there any way for me to know if I\u2019m still in the will or still the executor? I don\u2019t expect my sister will even inform me if they die, and I believe she will simply ignore their will if they do indeed leave anything to me or still intend for me to function as the executor.<\/p>\n

\u2014Cut Off and Cut Out<\/p>\n

Dear Cut Off and Cut Out,<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t have this both ways. You want to know if you\u2019re still the executor and named in the will without reopening contact with people who rejected you for being gay. That information requires contact\u2014either with them or their attorney. There\u2019s no secret database you can check.
Before you reach out, decide whether you actually want to be their executor. Because it sounds like you absolutely don\u2019t. Being executor means months of paperwork, dealing with creditors, managing property sales, and\u2014crucially\u2014interacting extensively with your sister, who you also cut off and who you believe will try to circumvent their wishes. Why volunteer for that nightmare out of \u201cbasic respect\u201d for people who showed you none?<\/p>\n

If they haven\u2019t changed the will and you\u2019re still named as the executor, you can decline when the time comes. Executors aren\u2019t conscripted. You have the right to say no. But you won\u2019t know unless someone tells you they died, and you\u2019re right\u2014your sister might not.<\/p>\n

In this scenario, there are things you can control and others that are out of your control. Let\u2019s start with what you can control: Set up a Google Alert for your parents\u2019 names plus \u201cobituary\u201d in their city. Check local obituary sites periodically. If you learn they\u2019ve died, contact the probate court in their county. Wills become public record once filed, though there may be a delay. You\u2019ll then find out if you\u2019re named and what, if anything, you\u2019re owed. They might have left you as the executor, but removed you as an heir.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, you can\u2019t control whether they changed their will, whether your sister follows the terms of their wills, or whether you get any inheritance. Your parents likely won\u2019t die simultaneously, so the surviving spouse will probably serve as executor first. All of this becomes relevant after your last parent passes.<\/p>\n

If your sister tries to ignore a valid will that names you, that\u2019s probate fraud. Courts take it seriously. But fighting it requires lawyers and money and emotional energy. And whatever you might inherit may not be worth the fight.<\/p>\n

The real question: Is the potential inheritance worth years of anxiety about documents you can\u2019t see, people who hurt you, and dealing with endless rounds of legal matters? I\u2019d like you to consider whether it\u2019s time to let this go entirely.<\/p>\n

\n Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don\u2018t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication.\n <\/p>\n

Dear Pay Dirt, <\/p>\n

I\u2019ve seen a variety of targets listed for emergency funds, often in multiples of your typical monthly spending, and influenced by family situations (are there kids, are there one or two incomes, etc). These nearly always assume consistent income and expenses. How would you modify things to deal with predictable cycles? Some people are going to have seasonal jobs, for example, and utility costs can vary widely between summer and winter for a lot of people.<\/p>\n

For example, I\u2019m a college professor on the full-time teaching track. I\u2019m only paid during terms I have an appointment\u2014guaranteed for nine months of the year, and I\u2019ll typically know by late October whether I also have 1.5 months of a summer class. My job is very reliable, and I have a multi-year contract, so budgeting is fairly straightforward; I plan around just the nine-month figure as if that\u2019s all I\u2019ll have for a year, and then the summer ends up acting like a bonus if it materializes. But because I have one- to-three months each year without a paycheck, my cash reserves will obviously decline during that period.<\/p>\n

Does that end up meaning I should simply add three more months of typical expenses to whatever other emergency savings bucket best fits my situation? I recognize that there\u2019s value in having a robust emergency fund, but it\u2019s also long-term never going to match market returns, so there\u2019s a real opportunity cost involved in keeping too much liquid.<\/p>\n

\u2014Math Problems<\/p>\n

Dear Math Problems,<\/p>\n

You\u2019re conflating two completely different financial needs: budgeting for predictable income gaps and emergency savings. These require separate pots of money.<\/p>\n

Your unpaid summer months aren\u2019t emergencies\u2014they\u2019re scheduled, known expenses. You need a summer bridge fund that covers one-to-three months of living expenses, which you replenish during your paid months. This isn\u2019t emergency savings. This is basic cash flow management for irregular income.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s how it works: During your nine paid months, set aside enough each paycheck to cover summer expenses. If your monthly expenses are $5,000 and you have three unpaid months, that\u2019s $15,000 you need saved by May. Divide by nine paychecks: you\u2019re saving $1,667\/month just for summer.<\/p>\n

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Because you know by late October whether you\u2019ll have summer income, you can be strategic about where this money sits, so consider the following options:
\u2022 High-yield savings accounts: currently APR around 4 percent, up to 5 percent with some conditions; provides instant access
\u2022 Treasury bills (T-bills): 3-to-6 month terms, similar or slightly better rates than high-yield savings accounts, considered very safe
\u2022 Money market funds: competitive APR around 4 percent; nearly as liquid as savings
\u2022 Short-term CD ladder: stagger 3-to-6 month CDs so one matures just about when you need the cash<\/p>\n

Your actual emergency fund should be kept separate. You\u2019ll want to keep 3-to-6 months of expenses handy for genuine disasters, like your car breaking down or the hot water tank exploding. With your stable multi-year contract, three months of expenses is probably fine and you should keep that in a high-yield savings account for immediate access.<\/p>\n

While you need more liquid cash than someone with year-round paychecks, you should think of it as operational money for known gaps, not \u201cextra\u201d emergency savings.<\/p>\n

\u2014Ilyce<\/p>\n

Classic Prudie<\/p>\n

I\u2019m engaged to be married soon, and, while my fianc\u00e9 was away on holiday recently, I reconnected with a (heterosexual) friend of the opposite gender and ended up staying overnight unexpectedly. As his shared house does not have a communal living area and his bedroom is quite small, I ended up sleeping in his spacious double bed with him in it. It was strictly platonic, but my fianc\u00e9 and I are from a relatively conservative background and my fianc\u00e9 would not be OK with me seeing this friend again alone if I were to tell him.\u00a0Is co-sleeping with someone in a context that most people might assume to have romantic undercurrents cheating?<\/a><\/p>\n

Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays.\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Pay Dirt is Slate\u2019s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It\u2019s…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":385165,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[752,72,176,61,60,174,175,2006],"class_list":{"0":"post-385164","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-personal-finance","8":"tag-advice","9":"tag-business","10":"tag-finance","11":"tag-ie","12":"tag-ireland","13":"tag-personal-finance","14":"tag-personalfinance","15":"tag-relationships"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/385164","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=385164"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/385164\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/385165"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=385164"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=385164"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=385164"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}