{"id":390266,"date":"2026-04-09T18:16:10","date_gmt":"2026-04-09T18:16:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/390266\/"},"modified":"2026-04-09T18:16:10","modified_gmt":"2026-04-09T18:16:10","slug":"rory-mcilroy-wanted-to-enjoy-the-masters-dinner-as-well-well-la-di-da-mr-fancy-the-irish-times","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/390266\/","title":{"rendered":"Rory McIlroy wanted to enjoy the Masters Dinner as well. Well la-di-da, Mr Fancy \u2013 The Irish Times"},"content":{"rendered":"

Let\u2019s talk about golf<\/a>. It has many names: The Small Sphere Situation, Golph, I Am Retired and There is No Death, The Bore\u2019s Mistress, Where Oh Where Is My Little White Ball? and, who can forget, I Miss Daddy.<\/p>\n

Golf is a blight of this nation. Many of us have lost family members to golf and yet the national broadcaster celebrates it with all sorts of ads and promotions. Rory McIlroy<\/a> is an Irish golphist and his pronouncements are celebrated in this country as though they were from Enya Herself.<\/p>\n

\"RoryRory McIlroy’s Masters Dinner menu <\/p>\n

Well now, thanks to McIlroy hosting the Masters<\/a> Dinner (a fancy golf-related shindig filled with the world\u2019s most golfy people) he\u2019s a food expert, and in the process of devising his menu he has poured scorn on the cuisine of the nation<\/a>.<\/p>\n

On being asked why he didn\u2019t go more Irish, the perambulating sticksman said: \u201cI want to enjoy the dinner as well.\u201d Well la-di-da, Mr Fancy. Too good for us now, are you? Well, here\u2019s our alternative Masters\u2019 Dinner leaning into who we are as a nation.<\/p>\n

Appetisers<\/p>\n

There will be no appetisers. What are we? French? We will instead sit in silence and contemplate the bad things we\u2019ve done or, possibly, the new kitchens we want to buy. McIlroy could have created this immersive experience instead of doling out Peach and Ricotta Flatbread and Elk Sliders and the rest of his foreign nonsense.<\/p>\n

First course<\/p>\n

Soup Surprise. What\u2019s in the soup? We\u2019re as mystified as you. You certainly can\u2019t tell by taste. We\u2019ve a vat of it out back that we got from Siobh\u00e1n\u2019s brother\u2019s girlfriend\u2019s teacher. Is it vegetarian? There was a dog swimming in it earlier. Does that count?<\/p>\n

Or<\/p>\n

Orange juice.<\/p>\n

McIlroy\u2019s first course was Yellowfin Tuna Carpaccio. He hates Ireland.<\/p>\n

Main course<\/p>\n

Rancheros while weeping in a Nissan Micra, preferably in the forecourt of a Circle K. The meal of the high kings of \u00c9ireann. Eating Rancheros while weeping in a Nissan Micra, preferably in the forecourt of a Circle K, is as Irish as James Joyce<\/a> or pretending to be nice to tourists (the Rancheros can be substituted with Monster Munch for vegetarians).<\/p>\n

Or<\/p>\n

Spuds! Spuds! Spuds! Mash, chips, roast potatoes, boiled potatoes, a side order of Taytos. Is it vegetarian? No. It\u2019s all been rubbed with rashers. Doesn\u2019t it feel more patriotic than Wagyu Fillet Mignon or Seared Salmon or whatever other basic sh*te McIlroy was serving? <\/p>\n

Dessert<\/p>\n

You can go away with your \u201csticky toffee pudding\u201d dessert Rory McIlroy (I don\u2019t even know if I\u2019m saying that right. \u201cSticky toffee pudding\u201d: what language even is that?). For The Irish Times Masters Dinner we\u2019ll be having drugs: statins, Botox, Viagra, Panadol \u2013 all as Irish as passive aggression or Planxty and made by the rough horny hands of the plain people of this land. <\/p>\n

Yes, we are a simple peasant folk labouring in the laboratories and open-plan offices of international conglomerates and McIlroy, with his sophisticated golfing ways, thinks he\u2019s too good for us now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Let\u2019s talk about golf. It has many names: The Small Sphere Situation, Golph, I Am Retired and There…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":390267,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[3474,42,27195,43,1394,160609,40,38,41,39],"class_list":{"0":"post-390266","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-headlines","8":"tag-golf","9":"tag-headlines","10":"tag-james-joyce","11":"tag-news","12":"tag-rory-mcilroy","13":"tag-the-masters","14":"tag-top-news","15":"tag-top-stories","16":"tag-topnews","17":"tag-topstories"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/390266","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=390266"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/390266\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/390267"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=390266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=390266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=390266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}