{"id":429174,"date":"2026-05-02T19:26:08","date_gmt":"2026-05-02T19:26:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/429174\/"},"modified":"2026-05-02T19:26:08","modified_gmt":"2026-05-02T19:26:08","slug":"the-curative-power-of-this-is-not-about-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/429174\/","title":{"rendered":"The Curative Power of ‘This Is Not About You’"},"content":{"rendered":"

In the Netflix documentary Lainey Wilson: Keepin\u2019 Country Cool, its talented, eponymous star describes her chronic mental health struggles, relating how burnout<\/a> and anxiety<\/a> frequently sap her. In battling chronic fatigue and demotivation, Lainey tells the audience that focusing on others helps her perform. She said, \u201cI reached out to Reba, probably about a year ago. I said, \u2018This is a loaded question, but what do you do when you feel like you can\u2019t go any further?\u2019 She said, \u2018I do it for somebody else.\u2019 And that right there has put so much in perspective for me. I get on that stage, and I do it for other people. This is not about you.\u201d<\/p>\n

While her perspective shift applies broadly to emotional struggles specifically, and meaningfully to me, it\u2019s highly applicable to perfectionism<\/a>. By its nature, perfectionism is the pursuit of self-respect and, less intellectually, self-love. Lainey\u2019s realization implies a potential antidote if we choose to accept it. Perfectionism is the relentless pursuit of mastery, status, admiration, and approval. It begins with the idea that one isn\u2019t worthy and, theoretically, is supposed to end with an achievement that makes one feel so. Perfectionism is a manifestation of obsessive-compulsive<\/a> tendencies, which means it contains ill-defined goals<\/a> that never seem to align with anything done (and\/or poorly reasoned arguments for how some achievement, in an ever-changing environment, as status and popularity tend to rise and fall, can make one finally like themself).<\/p>\n

Screenwriter Paddy Chayefsky remarked that all talented writers inevitably face the void, asking, What is it all for? We can broaden his revelation to include all sorts of talented individuals. I obviously can\u2019t speak for Lainey, but we can at least imagine someone of her stature realizing that success doesn\u2019t seem to provide many of the anticipated rewards. While extraordinary, Lainey\u2019s life is also incredibly mundane; much of the documentary highlights the behind-the-scenes of her day-to-day life, which is fairly boring<\/a>. A musician, or any artist, watching it may conclude that her life can\u2019t by itself make anyone feel good enough, especially when we consider her setbacks.<\/p>\n

I previously wrote<\/a> about my diagnosis of bipolar<\/a> II disorder and how the misconception around it is that hypomania<\/a> implies externally stimulated joy (i.e., \u201cThis makes me happy.\u201d). In reality, here, joy most often stems from the expectation of an experience, rather than the experience itself. So, nothing really ever lives up to the hype, at least not for me. Associate this with perfectionism, and we can safely conclude it\u2019s in large part because nothing is perfect. Deeper, nothing ever really proves to me that I\u2019m worthy of love, as everything crumbles under the foundation of “It must be perfect.” So, I have two options: I can either continue to pursue perfection elsewhere, jumping from one adrenaline-filled pursuit to another, or shift my focus.<\/p>\n

If I were in Lainey Wilson\u2019s shoes, for example, I\u2019d have to decide what to do with my music career<\/a>. Should I keep going despite the lack of excitement and diminished expectations, essentially despite my hedonic adaptation<\/a>? I\u2019d argue, yes. The delusion of arrival fuels obsessiveness and perfectionism, the belief that somewhere out there is a source of respite. If I chose another pursuit, to start again elsewhere, then I\u2019m only feeding it. Reba\u2019s advice, to step outside of oneself, is one of the few good options aimed at keeping obsessiveness at bay. While this seems like a pessimistic take, as I\u2019m sure some of you are thinking it means that happiness<\/a> is out of reach, that isn\u2019t so, but ecstasy is.<\/p>\n

Lainey found joy in making others happy. She met with a fan and her mother, diagnosed with stage-4 cancer, and experienced deep satisfaction in comforting them. And, I can bet that she felt proud of herself for fulfilling her duty. Sometimes, you have to perform because doing so helps others. If perfectionism implies forced success, then love, to quote psychotherapist Nishi Ravi, is an unfolding; it has no need to rush. If I no longer have to prove myself to myself, then I can discover new ways to be happy, less frenzied ones.<\/p>\n

To me, Lainey is worthy because of her ability and willingness to give love, regardless of whether or not she thinks she\u2019s worthy of receiving it. It\u2019s clich\u00e9 but true: You can often find the thing you\u2019re searching for when you stop looking. Lainey provides the perfectionist with a blueprint. Focus on making others happy and fulfilling your obligations. I can\u2019t promise that you\u2019ll feel better, but at least you\u2019ll get a break from yourself. The idea that something is not about you is as much for you as it is for others. Perfectionism is a black hole, exhausting our internal resources without much provision. There\u2019s something about no longer chasing. There\u2019s something about just choosing to love. There\u2019s something about deciding to try to be happy, even if it\u2019s vicariously. I\u2019m not blaming anyone for their unhappiness; I\u2019m only saying that we have options.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"In the Netflix documentary Lainey Wilson: Keepin\u2019 Country Cool, its talented, eponymous star describes her chronic mental health…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":429175,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[61,60,43],"class_list":["post-429174","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-ireland","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/429174","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=429174"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/429174\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/429175"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=429174"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=429174"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=429174"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}