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\n Thanks to Kelsey, we already have a Housewife who has broken up with her partner.
\n Photo: Scott Eisen\/Bravo\n <\/p>\n
We all knew this day would eventually come, but who would have thought we\u2019d already get there by episode six? Kelsey has broken up with her boyfriend\/primary stream of income. This explains why she was so desperate for all of Rosie\u2019s Channel 10 fans to follow her hair business. She\u2019s gonna have a lot of flat-ironing to do if she\u2019s going to be able to afford her own 79 televisions. Not only that, but this will be the first time she\u2019s venturing out into the world as an independent adult, given that she had gone straight from her parents\u2019 house to her boyfriend\u2019s. There\u2019s so much for her to figure out, and luckily for us, she\u2019ll be doing it on-camera.<\/p>\n
She FaceTimes Liz (and what appears to be Liz\u2019s pet bobcat) to talk through the breakup, and explains that the situation had finally run its course. Though it was always unconventional, she admits that there eventually were more people involved with him than she had originally thought. Ugh, don\u2019t you hate it when your boyfriend cheats on you with someone other than his other girlfriend? Throughout this entire conversation, for as gripping as it may be, Liz refuses to put down the device she\u2019s using to do some kind of red-light therapy on her face. We love a multitasker. Her one question: \u201cWho\u2019s gonna de-seed the lemons?\u201d It\u2019s a question that practically sends a shiver down Kelsey\u2019s spine. The thought of not having her boyfriend\u2019s staff there to pick out her lemon seeds might just make her rethink this whole thing. But no, it\u2019s really time to close this chapter, so she\u2019ll simply have to find a way to cope. Might I suggest buying seedless lemons?<\/p>\n
Along with that breakup bombshell, this episode also marks the show\u2019s first cast trip, hosted by Alicia and Liz. You might be wondering \u2014 where are the ladies of The Real Housewives of Rhode Island jetting off to for this cast trip? The answer is \u2026Rhode Island. That\u2019s right, they\u2019re \u201cRhode Trippin\u2019\u201d 30 minutes up the street to Newport, which of course is much too far for Alicia to drive, so the pedestrians of Rhode Island can sleep easy. Distance-wise, that\u2019s like if The Real Housewives of New Jersey<\/a> went on a cast trip to Englewood, or if the RHONY<\/a> cast headed to Queens. Granted, where they\u2019re staying in Newport (a town presumably named after Kim Zolciak\u2019s cigarettes) is much nicer than both of those places. Seaview Terrace is one of the city\u2019s many historic castles, and because everybody in the state knows each other, it\u2019s naturally owned by Liz\u2019s friend\u2019s friend.<\/p>\n After their arrival, which notably includes zero fighting over rooms given that there are 29 of them in the castle, the women change and gather outside for a tea party. But this isn\u2019t just your typical human tea party \u2026 Alicia brought her dolls. Each of the women gets one of her beloved dolls to join them at the table, which, naturally, has been equipped with high chairs. When Jo-Ellen asks Alicia to explain her affinity to the group, she says, \u201cSo, like, with dolls, right, throughout the entire world for centuries, or like billions of years ago, every girl, most of them, just connects with baby dolls.\u201d First of all, let\u2019s start with \u201cbillions of years ago,\u201d which might sound comically inaccurate. But you know what? I think Alicia knows something that the scientists don\u2019t, and soon enough, she\u2019ll be proved right. Secondly, I\u2019m very sure that this explanation was just Alicia paraphrasing the opening narration of the Barbie<\/a> movie. We love a cinephile.<\/p>\n But there\u2019s one doll there without a date. Rulla is nowhere to be found, which isn\u2019t entirely surprising given that she seems to be taking a call sheet as a light suggestion. She didn\u2019t answer Alicia\u2019s call, and while everybody else brushes this off as Rullala being Rullala, Jo-Ellen sees an opportunity to pounce. \u201cThis is wicked rude that she\u2019s not here,\u201d she says, even though she maintains that she does feel bad for her situation. Liz still doesn\u2019t believe any of Jo-Ellen\u2019s claims that she cares about Rulla\u2019s well-being. In any case, Alicia encourages them all to stop campaigning against Brian because she\u2019s clearly hitched her wagon to that philandering horse, saying, \u201cNobody needs to remind her that he\u2019s a scumbag anymore; it\u2019s done.\u201d<\/p>\n Later \u2014 after a brief shot of Alicia walking the grounds with a metal detector \u2014 the women gather yet again for dinner. But per Housewives tradition, this can\u2019t just be a straightforward meal; there\u2019s some sort of catch. Liz has acquired various masquerade masks for the women to wear, so they can then remove their metaphorical and literal masks and reveal something about themselves. Diva, is there anything left to reveal? We\u2019re half a dozen episodes in, and I already know more about these women than I know about myself! But listen, if it means getting to hear Alicia try to pronounce the word facade, I\u2019m all in.<\/p>\n