Dear Eric: My sister, who lives about 500 miles away from me, has asked me to apologize for something she perceives I should apologize for. I replied to her to please let me know what she wants me to apologize for and she pivoted, without answering, saying she would not let evil into her house but then continues to send references to a young man in her neighborhood that may have committed suicide or devastating weather that has destroyed houses near her. It seems she wants to set borders for what she wants to talk about. I feel like I\u2019m walking on eggshells. This is hurtful and bothers me a lot. Any suggestions?<\/p>\n
\u2013 Wanting to Know What the Apology is For<\/p>\n
Dear Wanting: If there is anyone closer to your sister \u2013 a friend or relative \u2013 who has a better relationship with her and can check in on her, in person or on the phone, please get in contact with them. Her comments read as strange to me, perhaps troubling. Because they don\u2019t quite make sense, they could suggest she\u2019s experiencing a mental health crisis. You can also find information and resources on the National Alliance on Mental Illness website (nami.org<\/a>).<\/p>\n I want to underscore that it\u2019s inappropriate for me to guess at what could be happening here on a psychological level. It could be nothing. But the information you\u2019ve been given suggests that further investigation is needed. <\/p>\n You won\u2019t be able to resolve what she believes is coming between the two of you until you find out what\u2019s behind her behavior. It\u2019s also important to make sure that she\u2019s safe and not a danger to herself and others. <\/p>\n I don\u2019t want to alarm you. Simply put, asking more questions about what\u2019s going on in her life may get you further than trying to discern what she wants you to apologize for. Once you get clarity on the former, you\u2019ll be better equipped to have a conversation about the latter, if such a conversation is warranted. It may be that there\u2019s nothing to apologize for at all.<\/p>\n Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com<\/a> or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram<\/a> and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n