{"id":449470,"date":"2026-05-15T01:59:11","date_gmt":"2026-05-15T01:59:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/449470\/"},"modified":"2026-05-15T01:59:11","modified_gmt":"2026-05-15T01:59:11","slug":"how-to-prioritise-yourself-and-your-goals-with-habits-and-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/449470\/","title":{"rendered":"How to prioritise yourself and your goals with habits and boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"

Life coach Lily Silverton says there is often a disconnect between what her clients say they want and how they actually live. She\u2019ll ask them to walk her through their typical day, and \u201ctheir day-to-day versus what they say is important to them will be completely at odds\u201d, says the London-based life coach. <\/p>\n

That\u2019s a problem, because as Silverton says in her new book, Prioritise This, the things we do day to day become our life. Our daily habits, thoughts, and routines become our reality, even if it\u2019s not the reality we want or would choose for ourselves.<\/p>\n

Silverton can empathise with the misaligned life, because she\u2019s been there.<\/p>\n

In 2016, she was features director for a leading British magazine, and had strived for a decade to get there.<\/p>\n

Just as her ultimate career goal of magazine editor seemed attainable, the 32-year-old Lily realised that what the 23-year-old Lily had coveted and chased was not what she wanted.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t that she suddenly hated her job, but \u201cwhen I thought to myself, \u2018Do I want to be here in 10 years?\u2019, the answer was a really strong \u2018no\u2019\u201d, Silverton recalls.<\/p>\n

To quit a thriving career might seem reckless, but Silverton went with her gut and did a hard pivot. She retrained as a yoga teacher and discovered life coaching, positive psychology, and neuroscience, using the latter to provide a solid, evidence-based foundation for her coaching methods, from which the book ultimately evolved.<\/p>\n

Gut feeling is a real thing, she says. \u201cThe idea that you understand and know something in your vagus nerve, in your gut, before your brain, is legitimate neuroscience.\u201d<\/p>\n

Most people abandon self-help books about a third of the way in, so Silverton has cleverly designed hers so that each chapter stands alone.<\/p>\n

She\u2019d like you to start with the first chapter \u2014 a comprehensive look at stress \u2014 but, after that, you are free to explore as you please. The tone is conversational and compassionate, underpinned with sage advice and proven science. Silverton knows her onions.<\/p>\n

\n Prioritise This was written, she tells me, with two people in mind: Her younger self, and people who \u201cfeel that pinch of life, the people who perhaps are in the stage of life where they have multiple things going on\u201d \u2014 which is the majority of us.<\/p>\n

I ask her to consider a typical woman who might be feeling that life pinch: She\u2019s coping with a stressful job, a relationship, ageing parents, moody teenagers and\/or demanding toddlers, and possibly the perimenopause. Where does that woman even begin prioritising?<\/p>\n

\u201cFirst of all, we can\u2019t control what\u2019s going to happen to us in life. The only thing we can control is our own response.\u201d<\/p>\n

Secondly, she says, we can\u2019t, and don\u2019t have to, do it all. \u201cGive yourself a break and understand that if you make everything a priority, nothing is going to be a priority, least of all you.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s also an element of understanding that you are in a busy, demanding period of life and accepting where you are at, as opposed to constantly fighting against it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Silverton\u2019s message is akin to tough love, but she isn\u2019t judgemental. She\u2019s all about solutions and honing in on the crux of an issue.<\/p>\n

Drilling down into your \u2018why\u2019 is a vital part of figuring out what your priorities are, and is another practical tool that can spur action.<\/p>\n

Knowing your \u2018why\u2019 matters, because \u201cby forming a connection or ascribing meaning to a task, you\u2019re more likely to feel inspired to do it\u201d, Silverton says, giving a simple example of how writing down the reasons why you feel good after a walk can help you prioritise that habit.<\/p>\n

Much of her approach is about reframing and how doing so can be transformative. \u201cWhen we are in a situation that is challenging, we can either change the situation or we can change our mindset around it. And those are really the only two options we have,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

Silverton acknowledges that changing one\u2019s mindset can be hard, but the book is so jam-packed with innovative, practical strategies to achieve that change that it would be nigh on impossible not to find one that aligns and is easy to implement.<\/p>\n

For instance, if you\u2019re the type that always procrastinates over jobs you find difficult or just dislike, try \u2018eat that frog\u2019: This means do the difficult tasks first, so that everything else you have to do for the day seems easier by comparison.<\/p>\n

Assess and reassess<\/p>\n

Reassessing your priorities on a regular basis is something we should all be doing. But rather than it being another stressful task on the to-do list, Silverton suggests seeing it as \u201cinviting in a gentle awareness of what\u2019s important to you\u201d.<\/p>\n

Once you have that, and you\u2019re thinking about it \u2014 not obsessively, she says \u2014 \u201cthen you are going to notice when things start to shift\u201d.<\/p>\n

Birthdays and the new year are times when we naturally engage in introspection and are perfect opportunities to reassess priorities.<\/p>\n

Journalling can also be helpful, but Silverton says that \u201cthe best tool is… one that you feel can be helpful for you\u201d, so if journalling isn\u2019t your jam, that\u2019s OK, find something that is.<\/p>\n

Awareness is key to knowing your priorities, she says, \u201cbecause if we\u2019re not aware of what we\u2019re prioritising, if we\u2019re not aware of our thoughts, if we\u2019re not aware of our habits, if we\u2019re not aware of some of the relationship patterns\u2026 then we can\u2019t know whether things are working for us, and whether we really are prioritising the things that are effective or helpful or important\u201d.<\/p>\n

Basically, understanding yourself better will help you understand your priorities.<\/p>\n

But what about the people-pleasers? That cohort among us who always put themselves at the end of the priority list and the needs and requirements of others at the top? How can they make the shift?<\/p>\n

For Silverton, it comes down to values and boundaries. If you\u2019re a people-pleaser, she suggests asking yourself, \u201cIf I\u2019m showing that compassion and that availability and that support to other people, why am I not showing it to myself?<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd am I really prioritising these things that I think are very important if I\u2019m not demonstrating it to myself as well?\u201d<\/p>\n

Prioritise This has a brilliant list of \u2018nine tips for saying no and not feeling bad about it\u2019. As a first stepping stone away from people-pleasing, Silverton suggests thinking of one request you can respond to with, \u2018I\u2019m going to think about that\u2019 rather than giving an automatic \u2018yes\u2019.<\/p>\n

\u201cI write a lot in the book about why we find it difficult to say \u2018no\u2019 and how we develop these people-pleasing tendencies for really good reasons,\u201d Silverton says, explaining that the brain and body\u2019s nervous system sees saying \u2018no\u2019 as a threat, and doing so can induce fear.<\/p>\n

Suddenly saying \u2018no\u2019 when you\u2019ve always said \u2018yes\u2019 can cause pushback from people, too, but that\u2019s where boundaries come in.<\/p>\n

Silverton suggests asking yourself, \u2018Why is this boundary essential to my wellbeing?\u2019 and \u201caccepting the fact that not everyone has to like you all the time and not everyone has to agree with what you do for it to be the right decision\u201d.<\/p>\n

If she could suggest one thing for somebody who is feeling overwhelmed by life, what would it be? \u201cIt would be to tell them that not everyone\u2019s important and urgent,\u201d she says. \u201cJust because people are telling you that something is important and urgent doesn\u2019t mean it is.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"PrioritisePrioritise This: A Practical Guide for Thriving in a World That Won\u2019t Slow Down
\n \u2018Prioritise This: A Practical Guide for Thriving in a World That Won\u2019t Slow Down\u2019, by Lily Silverton, is published by John Murray One and is out now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Life coach Lily Silverton says there is often a disconnect between what her clients say they want and…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":449471,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[14613,61,60,80],"class_list":["post-449470","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-technology","tag-fitness-exercise-work-life-balance-healthy-eating","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-technology"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/449470","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=449470"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/449470\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/449471"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=449470"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=449470"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=449470"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}