{"id":449662,"date":"2026-05-15T04:56:15","date_gmt":"2026-05-15T04:56:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/449662\/"},"modified":"2026-05-15T04:56:15","modified_gmt":"2026-05-15T04:56:15","slug":"in-sickness-and-in-health-and-through-the-menopause-years","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/449662\/","title":{"rendered":"In sickness and in health, and through the menopause years"},"content":{"rendered":"

John’s life was upended in his early 50s. He and his wife, Pauline, had recently become empty nesters, and, he says, they \u201cwere looking forward to travelling and planning new adventures. Little did we know we were about to embark on an adventure that was entirely unplanned.\u201d<\/p>\n

Soon after Pauline turned 53, she started having hot flushes and night sweats. Mood swings, low energy, fatigue, and anxiety were to follow.<\/p>\n

\u201cPauline suspected menopause straightaway, as some of her friends had similar symptoms,\u201d says John. \u201cShe went to a doctor, who confirmed her suspicions. We talked things through and knew it could take time to adjust. But we had no idea how long it would take or how tough it would get. There were times I despaired, thinking we\u2019d never again be the couple we were. There were times I didn\u2019t recognise Pauline as the woman I married. I wish I\u2019d known more about menopause, as it would have prepared me more for what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n

A new book, Menopause Wingman: A Practical Handbook to Understanding and Supporting the Woman You Love Through Menopause, offers men like John information to support their partners through this hormonal transition.<\/p>\n

The author, Michelle A Hardwick, is a Cork-based therapist specialising in hypnotherapy, and many of her clients are menopausal. \u201cThe idea for the book came to me while I was attending an online networking event,\u201d says Hardwick. \u201cIn one of the breakout rooms, I told my fellow attendees what I did, and one of the men sighed and said his marriage might have survived if he\u2019d known more about menopause.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"CorkCork based therapist Michelle A. Hardwick was inspired to write ‘Menopause Wingman’ after seeing that men were unsure how to support their partners during menopause<\/p>\n

Hardwick was inspired by his words. \u201cA lightbulb went off in my head,\u201d she says. \u201cMy focus until then had been on women, like myself, who found menopause difficult. I hadn\u2019t thought about their husbands and partners. If women are struggling, their partners are usually right beside them, but can often feel helpless. So, I decided to write a book that contains insights from more than 40 men, as well as practical tips and tools to help couples navigate menopause together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Menopause can take a toll on relationships. In Ireland, a survey of 461 men carried out by the Menopause Hub clinic in 2024 https:\/\/www.themenopausehub.ie\/menopause-blog\/men-and-menopause-survey found that 60% said their partner\u2019s symptoms had affected their relationship, half said it had a detrimental effect on their sex life, and 8% said they had considered ending their relationship. This tallies with a 2019 American study, in which 77% of men said they were negatively impacted by their partner\u2019s menopause and 56% who said their relationship had suffered.<\/p>\n

Men\u2019s lack of understanding about menopause can leave them isolated and confused. Dr Genevieve Ferraris, from the Menopause Hub, gives an overview of what both men and women can expect. The average age at which women become menopausal \u2014 meaning 12 consecutive months without a period \u2014 is 51, she says, adding that changes in the menstrual cycle, known as perimenopause, occur in the years before menopause. This is caused by a decline in oestrogen levels and can be accompanied by a wide range of symptoms.<\/p>\n

\"DrDr Genevieve Ferraris, from the Menopause Hub<\/p>\n

Ferraris says: \u201cThere are physical symptoms, such as hot flushes, night sweats, poor sleep, joint aches, weight changes, breast tenderness, and headaches. Psychological symptoms can include anxiety, low mood, irritability, overwhelm, and loss of confidence. Cognitive symptoms range from brain fog to poor concentration. And genitourinary symptoms resulting from falling oestrogen levels affecting the tissues of the vulva, vagina, bladder, and urethra can cause women to experience vaginal dryness, burning, itching, discomfort, and pain during sex.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ferraris likens menopausal symptoms to dominoes, \u201cwith one triggering or worsening the others\u201d. She gives night sweats as an example. They interrupt sleep, leading to exhaustion, low mood, and irritability that can strain intimacy.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf she\u2019s tired and overwhelmed, sex may be the last thing on a woman\u2019s mind,\u201d says Ferraris.<\/p>\n

A woman\u2019s libido can wane even more because she has been taught to believe that it is inevitable at this time of hormonal transition. Ferraris says that \u201cmenopause was long framed as decline: The end of fertility, the beginning of ageing, and the loss of attractiveness and sexuality. That narrow, outdated view still influences how some women feel about themselves. They can feel embarrassed, ashamed, or reluctant to talk about what\u2019s happening, even with someone they love. That silence can create distance in relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sleeping in separate beds<\/p>\n

John and his wife\u2019s sex life dwindled as a result of menopause. \u201cWe ended up having to sleep in separate beds, as neither of us was getting a good night\u2019s sleep,\u201d he says. \u201cOur intimate moments became less and less frequent, which was so hard for me to accept.\u201d<\/p>\n

Emily Power Smith, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist, says men often interpret their partner\u2019s diminishing interest in sex as a rejection. \u201cIf the couple aren\u2019t communicating well and the woman is showing less and less interest in sex, men often jump to the conclusion that she doesn\u2019t fancy them anymore,\u201d she says. \u201cThey take it very personally.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"ClinicalClinical sexologist Emily Power Smith<\/p>\n

The situation can be further complicated by the fact that men may also be experiencing a hormonal change. \u201cTheir testosterone levels fall in middle age, although that decline is more of a gentle slope, whereas a woman\u2019s oestrogen levels can fall off a cliff, which can drastically reduce her libido and interest in sex,\u201d Power Smith says.<\/p>\n

This combination can cause marital or relationship strife. \u201cFalling testosterone can mean that men\u2019s erections aren\u2019t as reliable as they once were, and men can react defensively by turning away from their partners,\u201d says Power Smith. \u201cIf they do this when she is feeling sweaty and unattractive, then she can feel rejected by him. Damage can be done to their relationship if they don\u2019t talk about the changes in their bodies and how these changes are making them feel.\u201d<\/p>\n

The fact that midlife can be challenging enough on its own can place additional stress on couples. \u201cMany people, especially women, are carrying a heavy load, juggling careers, children or teenagers, ageing parents and caring responsibilities, as well as financial commitments and sometimes major life transitions, like bereavement,\u201d says Ferraris. \u201cWhen menopausal symptoms are thrown into the mix, it can become overwhelming.\u201d<\/p>\n

Open communication is essential <\/p>\n

What can men do to better support their partners and navigate this period of change?<\/p>\n

It starts with open communication, says Power Smith.<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople who are good communicators tend to be able to communicate themselves out of trouble,\u201d she says. \u201cIf they have always proactively solved problems together, menopause doesn\u2019t have to be a huge issue for them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Having accurate information helps. \u201cMen need to know what\u2019s involved in menopause, so they can support the women in their lives going through it,\u201d says Power Smith. \u201cMy advice is to check out reliable sources, like the HSE website or the British Menopause Society, not influencers or unqualified people online.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ferraris adds that women need to be educated, too. \u201cThey should know that help is available in the form of lifestyle measures, psychological support, vaginal oestrogen, and hormonal replacement therapy (HRT), where appropriate,\u201d she says. \u201cWomen shouldn\u2019t feel they have to struggle on in silence.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nor should women shy away from discussing what is happening to them, says Power Smith. \u201cTraditionally, men and women have struggled to talk to each other about bodies and sex. It starts in schools, when boys and girls are separated for sex education classes, so that boys can learn about erections and girls can learn about periods. This mentality reinforces the idea that bleeding, menstruation, and women\u2019s hormonal stuff should be kept from men. It doesn\u2019t make it easy for boys and girls to share. This mentality isn\u2019t helpful for men or women and can become an obstacle to real closeness and intimacy in relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n

Men and women would benefit from learning that \u201cpenetrative- penis-in-vagina sex\u201d isn\u2019t the only option, Power Smith says. \u201cIt might be a lot of people\u2019s favourite option, but just because it\u2019s off the menu doesn\u2019t mean you have to leave the restaurant hungry. You might just need to expand your repertoire.\u201d<\/p>\n

For couples who don\u2019t know where to start, she recommends \u201cslowing down and starting to play. Get naked and snuggle, cuddle, and stroke each other without expectation of any kind of action. It can be a beautiful starting point for reconnection.\u201d<\/p>\n

Learning a new love language <\/p>\n

Hardwick, in researching her book, spoke to many men who told her they found it difficult to understand that a woman\u2019s lack of interest in sex wasn\u2019t a reflection of what she felt about them or their relationship.<\/p>\n

She says: \u201cFrom my own experience of menopause and from working with women going through it, that lack of interest could be due to physical discomfort or the fact that the changes in women\u2019s bodies make them feel disconnected from themselves to the extent that it\u2019s hard for them to connect with anyone else.\u201d<\/p>\n

She says. \u201cWhen women aren\u2019t interested in or able for sex, then things like holding hands, dancing, going for a walk, or even just making her a cup of tea can help maintain a sense of closeness.\u201d<\/p>\n

John says that one of the biggest lessons he learned was that \u201cmenopause wasn\u2019t something a woman can manage on her own. My wife needed me to help.\u201d<\/p>\n

Doing so wasn\u2019t always easy. He now sees it as \u201ca true test of our love for one another. As a man, I had to learn a new love language. As a couple, the journey took us to places that weren\u2019t always comfortable. But with patience and understanding, we came through it together, and it\u2019s made us stronger.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hardwick hopes that her book will help more couples emerge on the other side of menopause with a strengthened relationship. \u201cThe men I spoke to shared how menopause put their relationship under pressure and the tips and tactics that helped them cope, as well as the lessons they learned that they wished they had been aware of at the very beginning,\u201d she says. \u201cThere is a lot that men can do to help the women they love through menopause, but, essentially, it\u2019s all about being open and honest and making her feel seen, supported, and loved.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eight practical ways men can support women through menopause: lives through menopause.<\/p>\n

\n 1. Women experience menopause differently.\n <\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s why I\u2019ve given so many different suggestions in my book,\u201d says Michelle A Hardwick. \u201cMen should take a trial-and-error approach to find out what works for their partner and their relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n 2. Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is listen.\n <\/p>\n

\u201cAnd listen without dismissing,\u201d says Genevieve Ferraris. \u201cMenopause symptoms can have a massive impact on women. Symptoms like brain fog can affect professional confidence. Anxiety or low mood can affect social confidence. Having someone to talk to about this can make a big difference.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n 3. Don\u2019t always rush to suggest a solution.\n <\/p>\n

\u201cListening can often be a fix in itself,\u201d says Emily Power Smith. \u201cAny time a person comes to you to tell you something, it\u2019s a good idea to ask them if they want an ear or a solution. Don\u2019t offer a solution if all they want is to be heard and maybe a hug.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n 4. Be gentle and compassionate, but go easy on the humour.\n <\/p>\n

\u201cThere are times when it can help to joke about things, but you need to be careful she doesn\u2019t feel you\u2019re laughing at her,\u201d says Hardwick.<\/p>\n

\n 5. Practice curiosity.\n <\/p>\n

\u201cTell your partner if you don\u2019t understand what she is going through, but ask her to help you understand,\u201d says Hardwick. \u201cThat opens the door to connection.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n 6. Take on some of the practical load.\n <\/p>\n

\u201cMenopausal women may not have the energy and bandwidth they used to have,\u201d says Power Smith. \u201cPick up some of the slack by planning and cooking meals or taking care of children\u2019s extracurricular activities.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n 7. Be sure to look after yourself.\n <\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t pour from an empty cup, so be sure to replenish your own energy,\u201d says Hardwick. \u201cWhether it\u2019s exercising, listening to music, or hanging out with friends, it all helps you be a better wingman.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n 8. Menopause symptoms are treatable, and remind your partner, if needs be.\n <\/p>\n

\u201cWomen don\u2019t need to put up with painful sex, recurrent urinary symptoms, or loss of sexual wellbeing as an inevitable part of ageing,\u201d says Ferraris. \u201cSexuality, intimacy, confidence, and vitality do not have to end at menopause. Women deserve good medical care, and it is available.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"John’s life was upended in his early 50s. He and his wife, Pauline, had recently become empty nesters,…\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":449663,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[33970,26054,103,61,60,351,12359],"class_list":["post-449662","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-health","tag-health-body","tag-health-life","tag-health","tag-ie","tag-ireland","tag-mens-health","tag-menopause"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/449662","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=449662"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/449662\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/449663"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=449662"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=449662"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.newsbeep.com\/ie\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=449662"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}